Southerly: This Week in Parliament: 26 January 2015 - 30 January 2015
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Our 88-year-old stenographer, Miss Spong, tells us that she’s been “permanently traumatized” while preparing the transcript for this week. Nevertheless she managed to get it ready even more quickly than usual. What a trouper!
We wish you all the best with your ACC claim, Miss Spong (although we understand there may be regulations that prohibit making a claim while in prison).
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Scrotum!
testicles are on the inside.
as youwere...
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Ah yes, well you are technically correct – although I note that Dr Smith is an actual doctor, and feel I must defer to his medical terminology (however inexact).
At any rate, I have taken note of your point and will raise it with our editorial board…
Perhaps the incorrect terminology was what so traumatized Miss Spong.
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sperm wail heard...
Nick and Nathan - like two peas in a pod!Hell, sac the lot of them...
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Breaking News
Russel Norman stepping down from Green Party co-leadershipHis has been a fine contribution.
So long and thanks for saving all the fish! -
Oh, that's a real shame - he made an excellent contribution both to politics and parliament (he was effectively leader of the opposition for most of last term).
Although I have always felt that -- as taxpayers -- we somehow weren't getting our full money's worth with only the single 'L' in his Christian name.
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Ah, the power of the internet... look at that.
"We were never here" say his testicles.
And on that note, Happy Friday!
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Pity to see him go but I agree David he was one L short of a Russell
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Oh and David, very very funny , Ben from the Civilization has competition for surreal satire.
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Emma Hart, in reply to
It's okay, Paul, your testicles are right here.
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Mike O'Connell, in reply to
Hi Richard, it's Ben from the Civilian...but yes I was in stitches over David's piece.
BTW, Ben describes Russell (with 2 Ls) as a 'borderline-elderly hipster' in The Luminaries fails to win local baking award due to tall poppy syndrome
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It is so refreshing to have non-hysterical political commentary each week to bring us down to earth. If one only were to rely on the MSM reports one might think cabinet was a bunch of money hungry lunatics. Thanks to Ms Spong's transcripts we can see they are just normal everyday blokes* doing their, or each others, bit.
*Even the girls
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Sofie Bribiesca, in reply to
If one only were to rely on the MSM reports one might think cabinet was a bunch of money hungry lunatics.
And with that, Sabin resigns Yay!
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Could Plukitt do the same please?
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While the satirical nature of this post is noted, there is a similarly themed initiative coming out of the socially forward thinking Scandinavian realm...(nsfw) www.fuckforforest.com that is perfectly serious. One has to wonder about splinters.
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This is the only worthwhile thing that Smith and Guy have ever done, and they did it together thus demonstrating the true strength and focus of the National Party.
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David Haywood, in reply to
Ah, the power of the internet… look at that.
Fortunately we had our This Week in Parliament biennial editorial board meeting at lunchtime today – and Russell and I were able to push through your recommendation.
To be honest, some of the board members were rather confused about the difference between testicles and scrotums, “So which one is Mike Hoskings then?” asked one bewildered board member, but Russell was heroic in steadfastly campaigning for the change.
As Russell so eloquently and movingly said in his speech to the board: “If we don’t have our facts exactly 100 per cent correct in This Week in Parliament then we have nothing. I urge you to put aside your differences and vote together for scrotum. ”
Many of the board members were in tears by the end of Russell’s speech, and the motion was carried 254 votes to 2 against.
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David Haywood, in reply to
This is the only worthwhile thing that Smith and Guy have ever done
Thank you, RBentley. One of the most rewarding things about being a political reporter in the gallery is the ability to bring good news stories like this to public attention.
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Scrotum!
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Fundy mental as anything...
Scrotum!
Which is just another scrum around the Old Testament!
(which is full of hookers and rakes)Which just goes to show that no matter how ya look at them, in a man's world, things never get far from ball play...
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Ian Dalziel, in reply to
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Rosemary McDonald, in reply to
This is the same Russel who extended the hand of friendship to the Gnats a few days before the election, only to get the big slap down? Cost you some of the market share there Russel, old chap.
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These reviews while being only peripherally relevant are eye-wateringly inappropriate. I’m sure Paul B. will identify.
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Sacha, in reply to
"Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night.."
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A few ideas for Mr Guy to consider when deciding which technique to use. My experience of de-balling various animals; lambs, piglets, Self (partial).
Lambs had the most variation. Rubber ring is the first: But my pelvic muscles keep tightening as I consider why the poor wee lamby, after about 3 minutes of vigorous activity immediately after the rubber takes the strain, suddenly wants to pant and lay down for 30 minutes. I know the deep deep ache he suffers. The Hot Iron: A gas axed piece of ….axe….welded to a decent blow torch supplied the sizzle that enabled the operator to just lean on the tail…..oh wait a minute, we are talking about balls…..The Lickety Split Knife: A quick slice of the tip of the scrotum and a squeeze above the balls would cause them to poke out the bottom. Leaning forward one could then grasp the end of a ball with ones front teeth and with a gentle pull, strip the ball from its warm home. Repeat with the other and voila! A hollow scrotum. Pigs and razor blades: Hang your piggy over the rail with the bum and balls facing on top. A slice over each ball and a squeeze and the pop out like a zit. A quick yank on each, a splash of dettol and piggy goes a running. Whch brings me to a semi towny story. A friend of mine heard of these exploits and did not wish himself to do the deed. I volunteered and headed off to the farmlet. Catching the wee piggies took a bit of time. Hanging the first one over the fence I looked. I looked again. I looked at my friend and asked him if he noticed where his little piggy piddled from. Both wee piggies were girls…….I always wondered why he only had one child…..Self (partial): While watching my numbed parts being disemboweled so that I didn’t need “the little rubber thing”, The two helpers were slicing and dicing the inner sanctum. The vas emerged between two clamps, the cut made and one clamp was released which was good. The other the nice lady missed the release for a fraction of a second. The sudden stretch and release twanged the vas right back into it’s spot and the pang sank deep deep into my semidetached testicle. Oh the pain…..
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