Posts by Emma Hart

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…, in reply to John Armstrong,

    "wait, Mum is Santa"?

    Oh John, I don't know why but I feel really guilty about this.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…, in reply to Moz,

    Emma objected on the basis that participation is not optional

    I absolutely did not say that. What I said, before you even entered the thread, was;

    I agree that it's well possible to change this situation, of course it is, but the FIRST step is to acknowledge that the imbalance exists, and that the social pressures around it are real. THEN work out, together, with discussion, how your particular family is going to navigate it.

    This shit started, for me, when I was ten and considered more capable of helping with Christmas than any of my brothers, who were in their 20s. Oddly enough, I did not have the capacity to sit them all down and talk about it then. Our last Big Family Christmas, my mother was dying. We took her out of hospice for the day so she could have Christmas with all her children and grandchildren, and it was... actually, it was awful. Ever since her death, on the 3rd of January, Christmas has been Extremely Complex for me, emotionally.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…, in reply to Moz,

    I think it's more that if you work a bit on making a less dramatic event you will find it easier to get through. Maybe think of 'don't do christmas" as the aspirational slogan and take small steps in that direction when you can?

    I think when the suggestion is "maybe men could pull their weight and help out a bit more", the reply of "Well let's just not do it at all" is... unhelpful. Why? Why is it somehow more reasonable to Destroy Christmas than to spread the load?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…,

    Yeah, I was very aware when I was writing this column how heterocentric it was. One of the people I was talking about this to early on on Twitter was Scout, and they were saying how their family-of-birth still, when it comes to stuff like this, codes them as female, even though they've been really supportive of Scout. It's just ingrained. For myself, I am pleased to find that my expectations of my sons are both the same, even though I raised one of them as female. (But those expectations are also... really low. I mean, they're "Yes I will help but you have to ask me to do stuff.") And I also know that some of it is me being all "Look, just stay out of my way so I can this properly".

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…,

    I agree that it's well possible to change this situation, of course it is, but the FIRST step is to acknowledge that the imbalance exists, and that the social pressures around it are real. THEN work out, together, with discussion, how your particular family is going to navigate it. And don't be all, "Well, you want me to help more? Just ask. Just tell me what to do." Because that is entirely missing the point.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: It's Beginning to Look a Lot…, in reply to Carol Stewart,

    Cheers Carol. I remember, but cannot find, an old Bogor cartoon with a bunch of female hedgehogs taking their kids to see Hedgehog Santa. One of them asks why they do all of this, and the other says it's so they can bring it all crashing down when they tell the kids their beloved Father Christmas isn't real.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: The Midterms, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    It is a very interesting history, Governor Elbridge Gerry saw a way of manipulating a system designed to be fair and ran with it.

    Governer Elbridge Redistricting, Bart.

    Still, I think the essential difference is that here, our attitude is "People can vote unless" and in the States it's "people can't vote unless".

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: The Midterms,

    The whole American ingrained attitude to voting just... astounds and saddens me. We're the greatest democracy in the world! But generally we do not give a shit about voter suppression!

    The guy who makes one of the podcasts I listen to is off to a reservation this week as an observer to make sure people are allowed to vote. Here, making sure people can vote is the job of the Electoral Commission. Nobody's dragging people out of queues and challenging their right to vote. Nobody's making sure you have exactly the right kinds of IDs, where your names exactly match and your signatures are identical. Machines broken and you've run out of ballot papers? GET SOME MORE FUCKING BALLOT PAPERS. Jesus.

    Sorry. I have lost all sense of proportion.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Lost Men, in reply to Neil,

    What do you make of the gender pattern of perpetrators of mass killings and hate crimes in the US?

    Social conditioning.

    There is no such thing as brain gender.

    Across the sample, between 0 and 8 per cent of people had “all-male” or “all-female” brains, depending on the definition. “Most people are in the middle,” says Joel.

    This means that, averaged across many people, sex differences in brain structure do exist, but an individual brain is likely to be just that: individual, with a mix of features. “There are not two types of brain,” says Joel.

    Brains, especially infant brains, are incredibly plastic. Your brain is shaped by the things that happen around you just as much as by your genes. So we teach boys that it's not okay for them to cry, but that it IS okay for them to be angry or 'play rough', because Boys Will Be Boys. And then we say it's not their fault, it's testosterone.

    My younger son is trans. For about six months now, he's been injecting testosterone. You know how his behaviour has changed with increasing levels of T? Not one bit.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: R.O.A.R., in reply to mark taslov,

    Thanks, Mark. I had heard quite a lot about Stewart, but only in a private group, so I didn't really want to mention it. He has another piece up on Stuff today, making the same non-sensical division between "feminists" and "trans activists". The same quote from one of the admins of our group, Sharyn Forsyth, is used as he was given last time: they didn't come to us for comment. The article talks about harassment of TERFs, but not the tactics they have used - stealing the names and photos of women of colour to set up sock-puppet accounts, setting up a Change.org petition under the name of Feminist Mothers Aotearoa because that group (which I belong to, and of which one of the founders is a trans woman) have opposed them, and have been ripping down those horrible stickers around Wellington...

    Thing is, Renee Gerlich is rather like Lauren Southern: she thrives on the publicity public opposition brings, so what do we do?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4643 posts Report Reply

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