Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Wallywood

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  • Christopher Nimmo,

    Worst. Idea. Ever.

    It's just too easy. I'm picking the sign will read "WI LLYWOOD" within a week.

    Wellington • Since May 2009 • 97 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    [EDIT: Inevitably, a rather more famous German has already has his say on Youtube - hat tip Hugh]

    Diese Verbindung ist gebrochen.

    Try this. That's about the umpteenth time that video has been used, but I'm still laughing, so carry on...

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Okay, maybe not, unless we're going to start throwing up massive signs announcing every suburb

    Wait hang on. That's a brilliant idea. It'd be like road signs, but for long distance travelling. Want to get to Kelburn? See, it's up there, with the big signs on the outside of the Hunter building. Wainuiomata? Sign on the hill, with the arrow pointing over the top. No one will ever need to ask for directions again!

    While we're at it, can we paint the cake tin with the pictures that are on the outside of old caketins? Y'know, scandanavian looking fields and people picking flowers and deer and whatnot?

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    The thing is we are not ripping off Hollywood but India. Bollywood existed long before Hollyngton.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • caycos,

    Just fyi, Miramar...

    Wellington • Since Jan 2009 • 29 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    while Avatar is yes, flawed, but you still walk out going "wow!"

    "Flawed" is an understatement. It was a visually gorgeous pile of steaming crap that ticked off every trope it could. The 3D was fun, but in order to get a Best Picture award, it might have needed to have three dimensional characters as well. Not to say a plot that amounted to more than, "Clever strong white man saves totes-awesome wise natural native people from evil corporate monster."

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    I reckon a giant model of a robotic spider attacking the sign would add some variety.

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5441 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Sticking with the movie theme for a bit, how 'bout those Oscars eh?

    Yeah, how did it take me twenty two years to pick up on the fact that Kathryn Bigelow is part of the prick-less half of the human race? I expect the ceremony to be cringe-inducingly cheesy, but WTF where they thinking when the orchestra start in on 'I Am Woman'?

    Lame and condescending. Perfick.

    I'd been discussing the idea yesterday afternoon when we touched down in the Capital. Wallace Chapman said he agreed it was "tacky", and I ran through a hypothetical discussion between a local and a bemused (which, for the record, means "puzzled", not "sort of amused") Visitor from Germany:

    And how about that Christoph Waltz scoring that Oscar in a roaring rampage of Jewish revenge, that just happened to be shot in and around Berlin.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    "Clever strong white man saves totes-awesome wise natural native people from evil corporate monster."

    Tell us what you really think! I'm in full agreement. In fact the 3D was a distraction, but I can't quite think of from what.

    Of course well done to all those kiwis who won awards. The fact the script was 'somewhat lacking' shouldn't diminish their warm fuzzy feelings. Was that a bit butt-kiss? Oh well, just trying to be friendly.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    a visually gorgeous pile of steaming crap

    Was it actually that gorgeous, even? Ehhhh. I came out of it underwhelmed and have become even less so.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Tim Hannah,

    "Flawed" is an understatement. It was a visually gorgeous pile of steaming crap that ticked off every trope it could. The 3D was fun, but in order to get a Best Picture award, it might have needed to have three dimensional characters as well.

    Have you seen the Hurt Locker? Cos there's a distinct lack of three dimensional characters there as well. I watched it to the end, but it was an effort.

    Wellington • Since Jan 2007 • 228 posts Report Reply

  • Deborah,

    No, but I'm not making a claim about the relative merits of the two films, only that I don't think Avatar was up to best picture standards.

    New Lynn • Since Nov 2006 • 1447 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    I'm just kind of freaked out to find out who Fabian Fanboy is / see what he looks like after all those years of listening to him on the radio / podcast.

    Love your work, Fabian

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 242 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    "Windywood"

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    Actually, I just worked it out.

    The airport wants to build a second runway through that hill (don't ask why. Airports always want second runways. It's like geeks wanting faster internet).

    So they come up with a really daft concept, so that they can instead offer to rip out the hill and most of Miramar centre to land aeroplanes on.

    Brilliant, eh?

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood:

    Academy voters rewarded a tiny film that made no money just because almost everyone in Hollywood really dislikes James Cameron. This shows how out of touch the Oscars are with moviegoers around the world, who loved Avatar. But what can you expect from a bunch of mostly geriatrics who decide on the Best Picture by watching them on small screens instead of in the movie theater. Most of the 5,000+ voters only saw Avatar in 2D. So, of course, The Hurt Locker played better. And people wonder why I have nothing but contempt for the Academy?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol,

    Avatar isn't just flawed, it's a complete piece of shit. It won the awards it should have won, which were purely about the visuals and the way it was shot. Was really delighted with Hurt Locker win. It's a hell of a film.

    The Wellywood sign idea is cringe inducing. I like the idea of massive public works of art - and public art is one of the very few things that Wellington does better than Auckland - but this one is simply the wrong idea.

    Also, I have a spare ticket for tomorrow night's Pixies concert if anyone is keen to go but missed out (why my girlfriend would rather go to some other crappy gig I simply cannot fathom, but there you go).

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Diese Verbindung ist gebrochen.

    Yeah woops sorry, fixed now, but thanks for posting one that wasnt gebrochen

    Have you seen the Hurt Locker? Cos there's a distinct lack of three dimensional characters there as well. I watched it to the end, but it was an effort.

    Yeah at the time I made the joke about Avatar spending all that money to make everything 3D apart from the characters, but I agree about Hurt Locker. Straight up war porn, without a message, and not especially accurate (from my first hand experience disarming IEDs in Iraq, natch). Generation Kill the TV series was a lot better I thought.

    Avatar was flawed, yes, but it was soooo much better than any of the Star Wars prequels for instance, and involved an unprecedented massive leap of technology. In the end it's a big blockbuster Hollywood film, it's never going to be "Being John Malkovich" or whatever quirky indie film you love so very very much. Suspend disbelief and expectation, sit back and enjoy the ride.

    And yes, James Cameron is, by all accounts, a dick.

    Just fyi, Miramar...

    Thanks, I always get that wrong, and paused over it, but was writing on the plane without the Interweb. Will fix now.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol,

    Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood:
    Academy voters rewarded a tiny film that made no money just because almost everyone in Hollywood really dislikes James Cameron. This shows how out of touch the Oscars are with moviegoers around the world, who loved Avatar. But what can you expect from a bunch of mostly geriatrics who decide on the Best Picture by watching them on small screens instead of in the movie theater. Most of the 5,000+ voters only saw Avatar in 2D. So, of course, The Hurt Locker played better. And people wonder why I have nothing but contempt for the Academy?

    That's complete rubbish. The only thing Avatar had going for it was the visuals, everything else was derivative or even directly carbon copied from other films. The Academy recognised the visuals with several awards.

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    There's an unusual sort of glee when 'low brow' movies don't win at the academy awards.

    The three movies that have won the most Oscars are Titanic, Ben Hurr, and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

    Academy Awards seems exactly the ceremony where Avatar should do well.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    That's complete rubbish. The only thing Avatar had going for it was the visuals, everything else was derivative or even directly carbon copied from other films. The Academy recognised the visuals with several awards.

    Yeah, I guess you know more about how Hollywood works than Nikki Finke does. She's talking about why people voted the way they did.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    And yes, James Cameron is, by all accounts, a dick.

    If we were to exclude everyone who was a dick from winning academy awards...

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol,

    Yeah, I guess you know more about how Hollywood works than Nikki Finke does. She's talking about why people voted the way they did.

    A bad process is a bad process, but I'm not convinced the process was bad given that (yes this is only IMHO) Avatar won the awards it should have won.

    [Edit: Great argument from authority, by the way.] ;)

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • David Hood,

    Sofie wrote: "Windywood"

    Woodwind.

    And now Iʻm imagining a giant flute that plays notes as the wind blows over it. Given it is on airport land, I wouldnʻt expect many complaints about the noise.

    Dunedin • Since May 2007 • 1445 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    while Avatar is yes, flawed, but you still walk out going "wow!"

    You walk out going "wow, that was flawed!", to be more accurate.

    I rather like my own suggestion for that sign on the hill next to the airport.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

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