Ok - I'll go first...too much experience with one of these sites
to know where to start or stop for that matter..
Funny Story: I wake up the other morning and open my laptop to
check my mail. There is a huge grinning photo of my recent ex partner
of 8 years right in my face, before breakfast, before coffee even - not nice
apparently the computer had found my 'perfect match' and I fulfilled all
the requirements of his dream woman...
The amusing thing was that this confused and self-deluded character
was advertising for 'slim, sorted' women of 35-45 years - when he himself
is pushing 54 and anything but 'sorted'. This pretty much sums up one of the main observations
I've made about these sites: most people are frantically advertising for
catches younger, slimmer, better looking than themselves (aren't we all) but it seems to be the 50 something men who are the most helplessly deluded here and the main offenders. I know. I get lots of messages from men who look older than my father and I'd have absolutley nothing in common with. Time for these men to perhaps looking around at the available women in their own age group perhaps.
Maybe they should bear in mind that these mid-thirties girlies are probably
panicking about the ticking of the biological clocks and seeking a 25-39 stud with good breeding potential rather than someone who qualifies for membership of GreyPower. Maybe we are all helplessly mismatched in these fantasies of what we want and when...sigh
To conclude: I've had some great experiences too - met some great people, some are still in my life, have plenty more funny stories too..
All I can say is "Proceed with Caution" and a healthy sense of humour
Sometimes guys have a clock too I guess ;)
This is true. I have several guy friends who are way cluckier than me.
I've only ever been on one actual date in my life, as most of my relationships (or non starters) have been the result of the good ol' NZ combo of abuse of alcohol, lowered inhabitions and a drunken pash. I guess this makes me "fun loving"?
... hang-up answering the “so where did you two meet” with anything that ends in a “dot co dot en zed”.
Time to get over that one, I think. Is it really the case that "at a friend's party" (omitting "after which we had drunken monkey-sex") is somehow more deserving of respect? I suppose it depends on what you're looking for.
You can only meet so many people through friends, or in bars, and often you risk poisoning the well when things go bad. How many potential lifetime partners have you met in bars?
Computers were built to collate and search data. Data like core beliefs and life goals. You can either use this power to your advantage, or you can work your way through the list of people who frequent the same establishments as you - at random.
A friend of mine met his wife through a computer dating service, and it's going great. As for me ... I met my wife at a friend's party. ; - )
I've been giving online dating a go for a couple of years over here in London.
I have a sneaking suspicion that there's a bigger pool to fish from and considerably less chance of bumping into people you know (that said, a female colleague I see every day signed onto the same site independently of me!).
I think it's good because you may actually be able to check out someone who may be compatible before you actually have to open your mouth; beer goggles shouldn't have too much of an effect (unless you sign-on after partying!); and you can get a fair idea of what they're like before you commit to meeting.
That said, the accuracy of pictures (I'm not that photogenic anyway); and the inability to test chemistry before hand is bad. You can have SO much in common with someone, have fun exchanging emails, then meet and immediately go "ooops".
I have made a lot of really good friends though, had a bit of fun, and am still hopeful so I'd give it the thumbs up.
....my version of mentioning "angel or Holden": women whose profiles are overwhelmed with talk of drinking; mentions of Bridget Jones and Mr Darcy, or mermaids; complete lack of any interests; and bland profiles - it's bloody hard to write an interesting email to someone with an almost generic "I would like to meet a nice guy" profile.
I have heard the female warning sign is mention of 007 in the man's user name. I can't see why. Maybe the fact that James Bond's partners tend to be forgotten within 5 minutes of sleeping with them - or dead before the conclusion of the film. Is that a bad thing...maybe they open their emails with "Hey babe" too?
I'd have said whales & dolphins...
A fellow FSO lurker and I had a lot of fun earlier this year making up 'fake' profiles on the site which were nothing more than a bunch of cliches taken from the 'average' punter - it actually read back quite funny. Just for our private amusement you understand....no one was sucked in, simply an exercise in how the ultimate typical 35-45 yr olds profile might look
some of the stuff we found irritating was the amount of people who stated themselves to be 'independent' and who regurgitated the same old answers to the questions posed, displaying a complete lack of independent thought to begin with. I guess it was the extreme blandness and lack of committment to any miniscule level of originality that we found so scary. Fascinating, we humans. Good on us souls who give it a go.
Well, its not quite online dating, but I did sign up to www.companycompany.co.nz
An organization that does dinner for six and other organised activites for singles...
And that is where I met my now wife and mother of our two kids.
No, its not something we proclaim widely and loudly... we are somewhat sheepish about how we met when asked, but at least we dont lie :)
There are quite a few who go to those things who are plainly lacking in the social or other departments that provides obvious clues to how they came about being in a singles club. There are some who are plainly looking for sex and not much else, and there are some who are desperately clock ticking, or jaded/jilted anti-the-opposite-sex-not-ready-for-a-relationship-yet.... And equally, there are genuine nice people just looking for friends or see what develops....
Having met the love of my life, and bringing up two great kids really has changed my life for the better... sure, you dont get out as much, have far less spare cash, but the rewards are so good.... its hard to descrribe.
But, also, I remember being single, and how difficult it was to beleive or understand what I just stated above... So, unlike some "happily marrieds" I dont try to push those views onto my (rapidly reducing number of) single or childless friends.
P.S. I'm not rapidly losing friends... just they stop being single or childless :) I guess its contagious ?
yeah exactly. Mermaids?
So much to say.
Kate: Yes I know I work in the media and without going into a Cactus-Kate relevatory discussion of the various comings and goings in my life, (not least of all because Russell simply wouldn't allow me to sully his new site in such a way, it'd be like removing a vehicle's new-car smell courtesy by projectile vomiting after a night of Malaysian and Jagermeister), I don't need to go on an Internet date, I just thought it might be interesting to do so. And there are a couple of cuties there...
Gary: Sorry if I sound cranky, it's just that I have a limited vocab and a lot of them seem to be cranky-sounding words. I'm kinda like a Mr Potato Head who only has his Angry Eyes. I like that analogy. (cultural reference tip, Toy Story 2) I'm not really cranky.
Nick: Yeah I guess I'd be cool telling my friends I met the person via internet dating. Kinda. Sorta. it's just that drunken party pashing/monkey sex with your friend's workmate's friend that she dragged along because they'd been at a work thing beforehand and this was on the way home anyway is so much easier. And less contrived I guess. Selecting someone and then asking them out, arranging a date etc seems like an awful lot of work by comparison.
Carmel: Wow, thanks for the story. A shocker. I guess there just ain't that many people around huh. I'm surprised I haven't been 'matched' with more people I know. Then again, I guess I don't know that many transexual Leos aged 25-35
I tend to agree with Carmel B - in my experience there's quite a few people with rather high expectations - at least on FSO which I was on for a year or so.
An extreme caricature of someone of this type might be "I'm a bit of a slob, don't do any exercise, lost my waistline a long time ago and losing my hair now - looking for a fit, energetic partner (at least 10 years younger than me) who takes care of his/her appearance, always looks great/gorgeous/sexy, and is into wild monkey sex at any opportunity..."
Yeah you know what I mean...
I was also a little saddened by the contrast between the men and women in my age group. The woman, on the whole, actually were quite a bit "better preserved" than the guys. Too many of the guys my age looked (and from their profiles seemed to act/think) more like my dad's age than my age, and yet they were still looking for the "fit chick 10 years younger than me who takes care of her appearance" blah blah. sigh
I did meet some interesting and pleasant people on FSO - some of whom I wrote to for a while, and two whom I met up with a couple of times for coffee or lunch, but there just weren't any... sparks.. and in the end I got a bit bored with it and gave up. Maybe it's time I resurrected my profile again.
I also thought the "want children within 2 years" button was mighty scarey on FSO - and believe me, it wasn't just the chicks clicking it! I selected the rather, shall we say, "dogmatic" option of "Don't want children - EVER!" button myself.
Oh - and the "internets dating stigma" thingy? So pre-2003, darling! Everyone's doing it now, didn't you know? No stigma left IMO - and yeah - how is hanging around in bars / at parties trying to pick up strangers any better?
how is hanging around in bars / at parties trying to pick up strangers any better?
It's absolutely not better, you're right webweaver. In fact, I find it just as embarassing to say that my husband and I first got together when out at a club ;-) But my experience, and the experience of most of my friends, has still been that of meeting people through friends, or friends of friends at social gatherings. I think that NZers are only just coming round to the idea of 'dating' and all the forms that it may take.
You're right Natalie - in an ideal world I'd much rather meet someone though friends or friends of friends.
However, for some people like me there seems to have come a point where most (almost all) of my friends are long-term couples, either married, living together, having kids or a combination of all three - and one's social "inner circle" becomes pretty much set in stone.
Very rarely does a new person enter the "inner circle", which means that it's almost impossible to meet new people through friends or friends of friends any more.
Hence the need to look further afield, including internet dating. Maybe I should take up a new hobby... like... I dunno - where do all the eligible men hang out these days?
I don't need to go on an Internet date, I just thought it might be interesting to do so
Oh, sorry, I thought you seriously wanted our help in getting laid.
how is hanging around in bars / at parties trying to pick up strangers any better?
Can you pick up more than one at a time on the internet?
Um... is there any easy way to change my name on selected posts?
For sure. I have a friend who is recently single and is finding the exact situation you described - all of the people he knows are either in relationships or are close friends and therefore not an option. That being the case, internet dating makes alot of sense, as do other options such as table for six etc as you greatly broaden your horizons.
As for where the eligable men hang out, my friend does boxing classes... or have you tried bars?!
"I’d be checking the condom for pinpricks." LOL
where do all the eligible men hang out these days?
The ones that aren't married are overseas, in "the provinces", or in the ground, according to The Herald and Statistics NZ in this recent article:
Man drought deepens
"Demographers say several factors are causing the increasing gender gap, including the Kiwi tradition of the overseas experience. More young men leave New Zealand than women, and the men stay away longer.
In addition, more men die in their 20s, from accidents, suicide, illness and conflict. Added to that, immigration figures show that more women arrive in New Zealand than men, filling jobs such as nursing."
Here's another one that delves more deeply into women's concerns:
Single women ask 'Where have the good fellas gone?'
Perhaps the make-up artist would have more luck if she shed the "eyes like piss-holes in the snow" look.
Yes, mermaids! Seeking mermen! See why it puts me off?!
I'd have to point out that in the UK and in the US there's quite a few fake profiles there to target unsuspecting, genuine people. A variation of the "Nigerian letters".
Profiles with "I've had tough times" and especially repetition of honesty and god fearing (which is quite funny given they're accompanied by model shots - sometimes in bikinis!).
There's been more variations of this on some instant messaging - yes, maybe I should go outside at some stage ;) - where you can get hilarious conversations like "I really like Auckland" "Why?" "For the Queens Street and walking in Eden Park".
Like almost everything virtual, you need to bring your brain along just like in real life...and I don't feel like chatting up strangers in bars as get older. Apart from anything else, when I see an attractive woman alone in a bar, I presume she's waiting for her boyfriend (or girlfriend) - if I think she's hot someone else must!
There is a huge grinning photo of my recent ex partner ... apparently the computer had found my 'perfect match' and I fulfilled all the requirements of his dream woman...
Did you put down that you liked pina coladas and taking walks in the rain?
I don't need to go on an Internet date, I just thought it might be interesting to do so.
Having seen you in action at Mighty Mighty, I'd say you don't need any help :-)
You know, I've just realised Rate my Date has another, yukkier meaning.
> where do all the eligible men hang out these days?
The ones that aren't married are overseas, in "the provinces", or in the ground
To be precise, they're in Otorohanga, Ruapehu, MacKenzie, Queenstown Lakes, Southland, Clutha and the Chathams. Oh, and Upper Hutt (does that count as "the provinces"?)
I've done a quick analysis over on my blog.
Wow, nice chart Tom!
Go Otoroganga! Their district council homepage "Local Attractions Gallery" isn't representative of the population, then.
Local Attractions Gallery
They should add "Men".
Coincidentally enough I received my first 'smile' from someone today (I don't have a photo on my profile, it keeps the queue shorter...) Friendly person that I am, I smiled back.
But because we're both obviously cheap-arses, it can't go any further until one of us digs into our pocket and upgrades to "Gold" status. Although it could be a nice relationship, just two people smiling back and forth. Forever.
>Having seen you in action at Mighty Mighty, I'd say you don't need any help :-)
That wasn't me you saw at Mighty Mighty, that was my obnoxious alcoholic twin, um, Evil Damian. He has no shame with the ladies.
And yes, my god Tom, time on your hands or what? Although I must beg to disagree with your findings - I was in Otorohonga not three months ago and all I saw were birds.
Ah ha. Geddit
(I was actually, in Otorohonga, and I did actually see birds. It wasn't just a pun for its own sake. God no. Ummm...yeah I'll just be getting back to work now)
All that wit and still only one smile?
The stories keep coming:
Last night I get a txt from a rather sweet (I thought) man a few years younget I had met for coffee this week, we got on well and he invited me to go out to a gig this coming weekend. Seemed all Ok.
The text asked me to call him at home. I dutifully called and I also dutifully listened while he told me that he was going to cancel the upcoming date since he 'had now had a better offer from someone (yes) younger' and while he thought I was a very nice person it was quite obvious that I was not only a little older but also 'looked' older so I would understand if he was making an official rejection.
I was speechless. Then I shared the absurd situation with a friend and we laughed ourselves silly. Damn. There goes my cunning plan to score a hotter, younger man - better start saving for the Botox ;-0