Southerly: Dear Dr Bollard
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Dear Dr David
Do you also practise midwifery? The photo of your darling child at the bottom of your post leads me to suspect that you do, which adds to your credibility as a medical genius, and a man of science. -
So the southerly cold snap numbs so well no anasthetic required..?
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Dear Dr David
As a child I was offered a shandy while visiting relatives on the West Coast. I was looking forward to this exotic concoction of, I assumed, Sherry and Brandy and was dismayed, desolate and dispirited to be given a sickly sweet diluted malt based hop flavoured brew, which I sipped and set aside. I became withdrawn, sullen and resentful for many years afterwards but now realise I got off lightly, a weight has been lifted from my bitter soul and the light of a life renewed is flooding in.
Thank you. Thank you.yrs sinecurely
Gas C. Rankin Station -
Tim: yes - in fact with a good southerly liquid nitrogen is unnecessary and a simple trepanation will suffice
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What sort of bicycle pump sucks up liquid? Is it broken?
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Dear Dr David,
I have recently been recognised for my immense intellect and ability to speak openly, frankly and with great humanity. I have been called to take up an important role to shape the destiny and welfare of all the children in NZ. Something seems to be very wrong with a "gruntled" section of weirdos who do not seem able to grasp my value. They are being very mean to me. What should I do about it.
Yours in humility,
C Rankin -
Afraid the "humility" rather exposes your forgery, Ian.
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Leigh Kennaway wrote:
Do you also practise midwifery?
Midwifery and obstetrics are hoaxes, Leigh -- plain and simple. In China, almost all women give birth in the rice paddies and go straight back to work afterwards. And there's no reason that women from other countries can't do the same. Mind you, my Chinese friends deny that any such thing occurs in China. In this they are mistaken -- it's a well-known medical fact.
Tim Michie wrote
So the southerly cold snap numbs so well no anasthetic required..?
All the procedures described here are trivial from a medical perspective, and will produce nothing worse than a slight 'stinging' sensation.
Please remember that you are a New Zealander, Tim. Did Colin Meads ask for anaesthetic when he broke his spine during the famous match against Eastern Transvaal? No, he did not -- he played on!
Ian Dalziel wrote:
As a child I was offered a shandy... [I] now realise I got off lightly...
There are many medical practitioners who would advocate for drilling a few holes in your skull anyway, Ian -- just as a precaution. Let me know if you want my advice on this. (Hint: my answer will be 'yes').
Kyle Matthews wrote
What sort of bicycle pump sucks up liquid? Is it broken?
Think you're smart, don't you, Matthews? For your information, the liquid nitrogen will freeze the elastomeric valve, allowing it to both suck and blow (kind of like the ACT party). You clearly weren't paying attention when your physics lecturer was squirting liquid nitrogen over his students during the cryogenic lectures -- were you, Matthews?
Ian MacKay wrote:
I have recently been recognised for my immense intellect and ability to speak openly, frankly and with great humanity. I have been called to take up an important role to shape the destiny and welfare of all the children in NZ...
See my reply to Ian Dalziel above.
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John,
Dear David,
I think your suggestion to use an angle grinder to get into the petrol tank is quite irresponsible and I may need to dob you in to OSH on the other hand why don't try it and let me know how you got on ( should that be went) -
John,
Woops!! why don't YOU try it....
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There are many medical practitioners who would advocate for drilling a few holes in your skull anyway, Ian
Oh you're just venting!
But it doesn't auger well,
I'll give it a go myself,
with some trepanation
small bore that I am...yrs Cyril B. Cortex
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I think your suggestion to use an angle grinder to get into the petrol tank is quite irresponsible
That's the sort of PC nonsense that's ruining this country of ours. I bet you're the sort of mollycoddling fool who doesn't let his kids play with corrosive liquids. Pah.
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Dear Dr David,
I recently removed a friend's finger with a large axe, requiring taking him to hospital for treatment for the extensive and unexpected haemorrhaging.
What's the best solvent for getting the blood off the tray of my ute?
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That's the spirit, Dalziel! You know the drill; take the bit between your teeth.
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That's the sort of PC nonsense that's ruining this country of ours. I bet you're the sort of mollycoddling fool who doesn't let his kids play with corrosive liquids. Pah.
Yeah, why can't kids these days play HE grenade hackysack? Or cowboys and indians with live ammo?
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Dear Dr David: there is a buzzing noise between my ears. It can't be my boss, because I cut his [redacted] and buried him in the [redacted] last week.
So I need to know if it's true that earwigs can tunnel into one's skull and lay eggs, which hatch into large blow-fly sounding things and fly around noisily at night.
I have tried fly-spray, but it tickled, and the cat threw up.
PS: Emma- much the best solvent is more of the same blood. It has to be fresh, and the same type. If this individual is unavailable (or unwilling) to clean up their mess, a near relative is your best bet. -
You know the drill; take the bit between your teeth.
Is that close to sit on it and rotate?
"Someday son, this awl will be yours!"
oh alright I'll kiss the drill
yrs
Wal O'Sound -
What's the best solvent for getting the blood off the tray of my ute?
Ooh, ooh, I know this one:
Jim Beam. -
What's the best solvent for getting the blood off the tray of my ute?
Ooh, ooh, I know this one:
Jim Beam.Should you be in a financial position where a bottle of bourbon is out of your reach, a six-pack of Woodstock (or most other RTDs) will do a passable job until you can afford the better cleanser.
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Dr Dave (If I may presmue): I guess you have a good remedy for persistent gout? Involves hanging around railway tracks?
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Dear Dr David
Do you have a cure for a broken heart?
(please do not publish my name as this is a sensitive subject)
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Dear Dr David
Do you have a cure for a broken heart?
(please do not publish my name as this is a sensitive subject)
See earlier comment re bourbon/RTDs.
Regards
Dr Leigh
Locum for Dr David -
Sensing the impending demise of his main seat of power, Kennaway tries out other options, discovers looks good in white coat, still no idea how to use stethoscope. Wonders about how well his knowledge of arcane protocol will carry over..
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If it's one of those posh new HSV utes, I'd even consider using Woodford Reserve.
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As a woman, I feel alienated by this thread.
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