Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Wallywood

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  • JackElder,

    Serious question: what species of weta? Wellington Tree Weta or the Cook Straight Giant Weta? Or a different species entirely?

    I vote for the Cook Straight Giant Weta. Because they are excellent.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    I am most familiar with the tree weta* - I love it's feistiness- but I also have a fondness for the rugosa weta (ovipositor included, it's the longest/largest weta).

    Mind you a straight weta sounds...cool! All the bendy bits taken out-
    the antenae & leglengths would be spectacular!

    * I have the happy knack of being able to pick up a lot of insects and arachnids without them stressing or biting me. Best exemplified when one of my neighbours, making us coffee, said "O fuck! There's a weta in the bottom of the bodum!"** I tipped it up, and the weta landed gently on my hand, and I took it to my place and released it in my fernery and it didnt nip once.Then came back and enjoyed the coffee...

    **Yeah. I've wondered for years how the hell the thing got into the bodum too-

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Due to complete lack of popular request, here's the story of the first time I saw a weta. I had just arrived in the country and was staying at Justine's parents' place in the Waikato. What you need to know about her mum has a lot of little decorative statuettes of ceramic and glass around the house. I was brushing my teeth one night and I looked up to find on the windowsill one such large and rather exquisite statuette, in the shape of an insect of truly unusual size. Then the statuette moved.

    Yikes.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    I had a writing mate staying with me several years ago: we got to talking about weta. Her favourite story was of another friend and her partner sharing a large as-in-kingsize sleeping bag in a bush bach: the friend asked sleepily, "Stop tickling my foot."
    Partner: "I'm not anywhere near your foot."
    Friend: "Turn on the lightturnonthelight!"
    They watched the hump-in-the-sleeping-bag move upwards...the bloke bailed immediately, and the friend whizzed her side-zip down "so fast the metal scorched": a very large weta strolled away into the night.

    Next morning, for the first time evah, I found a weta in my gumboot-

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Sooo- the point is, weta have a sense of humour.
    Goodness knows what a giant one would do- eat the Hive?
    Yehah, go Weta!

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    So... unless somebody comes up with a better alternative, Wellywood stays. Even though the most obvious better alternative is the hill with the trees. So much for a backdown.

    Weta aside, all that has been proposed makes Wellywood seem like a stroke of genius.

    Other alternatives included Wellington, Miramar, or Middle-earth signs, and Argonath gates from Lord of the Rings flanking the cutting.

    The last one cracks me up. We too could become a Fascist tourist destination!

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    So... unless somebody comes up with a better alternative, Wellywood stays. Even though the most obvious better alternative is the hill with the trees. So much for a backdown.

    That's what I thought. How about ... I dunno ... nothing.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    They watched the hump-in-the-sleeping-bag move upwards...the bloke bailed immediately, and the friend whizzed her side-zip down "so fast the metal scorched": a very large weta strolled away into the night.

    Those stubborn bed wetas are a problem...
    ... I hear Wellington is full of them...
    ;- )

    so... unless somebody comes up with a better alternative, Wellywood stays.

    What's wrong with one of those old large Kiwis that graced Sydenham in Chch and on the Hydra building in Ponsonby for years...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I suppose it could be worse. We could go Otorohanga's way.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    And how about this for an open dialogue with the citizens on how the city should present itself:

    He did not know when a decision would be made, but said it was ultimately up to the airport. "It's airport land and airport money."

    Gee, it would be terrible if the Wellywood sign went up in spite of the fact that nobody wants it and then something were to happen to it, wouldn't it?

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Even though the most obvious better alternative is the hill with the trees

    While I'm not a fan of the Wellywood proposal, I think it's probably worth pointing out that the "trees" on the hill are basically gorse scrub and a few pines. That hill's an interesting place for a walk, or to get a good view of the airport and the harbour; it's not one of Wellington's outstanding areas of natural beauty.

    It's probably worth pointing out here that the hill on the other side of the cutting is notable for having a clearly marked paint factory on top of it. In the middle of a very unlovely light industrial zone, chokka warehouses. You'd have to do a lot to make that part of Maupuia less scruffy.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    I suppose it could be worse. We could go Otorohanga's way.

    But then I'm quite a fan of Rakaia's giant salmon (scroll to the bottom of the page).

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I'm a big big fan of Kihikihi's kihikihi.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    Cook Straight Giant Weta?

    Because a Gay Giant Weta wouldn't fit with Avatar?

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    "It's airport land and airport money."

    Somebody was researching whether that land was acquired under the Public Works Act. It could be argued that promotional signage is not an essential aviation land use and consequently, the land should be offered back to the original owners.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Argonath gates from Lord of the Rings flanking the cutting

    I'm guessing they cost a lot more irl than they do when you make them inside a computer.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    How about a holographic weta then?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    How about a holographic weta then?

    Well if you're going to go digital, you might as well try and have it crawling across the hillside. That would be a cool introduction to Wellington/NZ.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Hey, it wasn't me that started this up again.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Digital forest too perhaps. I hear Miramar is good at those..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    How about a holographic weta then?

    NO!

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3227 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    How about a holographic weta then?

    With a tourist in its jaws. If it can be climbing the sky-tower, too, please. Symbolism isn't always cheap :)

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2110 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Whyever not, Hilary?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    Sacha - I'd have to leave Wellington as it would be like having a huge weta hovering wherever you looked. I'm feeling phobic just thinking about it.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3227 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Hilary Stace - is it because it is a large insect?
    I mean, I assume you wouldnt mind if it was, say, a dolphin?Or a manatee?
    Insects - and arachnids - are also very beautiful (I liked Giovanni's anecdote upthread)...and are a large part of our lives (appreciated or not.)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

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