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Speaker: North versus South, Part 1

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  • David Haywood,

    Nice work, Derek! I'm a tough audience, but I'll admit to a large guffaw at the line: "... he responded with very short sentences and extremely long pauses..."

    I look forward to Part 2.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Matt Swinson,

    I'm not such a tough audience, but I like it too.

    I find it quite disconcerting when I come across people who speak efficiently and to the point... they're usually the ones who see straight through my unsure opinions and circuitous conclusions. And those long pauses are killers too. You get the feeling they don't really subscribe to the idea of not knowing what you think until you've said it.

    Hairy Harry kinda looks like today's Roky Erickson.

    london • Since Mar 2007 • 17 posts Report Reply

  • Ianmac,

    Great post Derek. Actually on the right day it doesn't even matter if you don't catch anything. And you don't even need a boat. Just the rhythm and the stillness. Ah yes. Can't wait

    Bleneim • Since Aug 2008 • 135 posts Report Reply

  • Glenn Pearce,

    We're simply speechless. This is not the Derek we know and love.

    Our feelings are with Isaac during this troubled time.
    Wishing you a speedy return to normailty.

    G & P

    Auckland • Since Feb 2007 • 501 posts Report Reply

  • Just thinking,

    North-South divide - that's the Waitaki River isn't it?

    Putaringamotu • Since Apr 2009 • 1158 posts Report Reply

  • pollywog,

    i hate to be the one to tell you this derek, but if you're from dorkland its a case of, once a wanker always a wanker. play your cards right, keep your nose clean, cos us southerners dont like eatarses and you might get elevated to the status of good bastard or the more desirable good cunt, but i'm afraid wanking's in the blood. so if your family haven't spilt any on southern land since time began then the only hope is that your progeny can atone and become unwanked.

    somewhere else • Since Dec 2009 • 152 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    honest to the point of horrendously rude

    My maternal side of the family always goes on about this (they're transplanted Southlanders in Auckland) and I've always thought that they were full of crap and it's just that they themselves are strikingly direct (and, erm, slightly mad). But apparently it's a 'thing'? Huh.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    Great post, I enjoyed it...

    But I'd just like to point out, (mainly to non Aucklander's I guess?) that there are many and various ways to exist in Auckland, and not all of them fit the stereotype presented here...

    We dont all compare the size of our mortgage, and some of us even go hunt'n-an-fish'n. :)

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 887 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    if your family haven't spilt any on southern land since time began then the only hope is that your progeny can atone and become unwanked

    I believe they're relaxing that rule a little now.

    One of our neighbours (when we lived in Southland) had the poor fortune to have spent his first six weeks in the North Island (or, as he liked to put it, his first 42 days). The rest of his life was spent in Southland, where his humble northern origins were pointed out on a frequent basis.

    Apparently, at his 80th birthday party, the local community announced that his original roots would now be overlooked, and that they were prepared to view him as one of their own from now on.

    So it's not quite as bad as 'pollywog' is implying, Derek.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • pollywog,

    the thing is, if youre lucky we'll call you a wanker within earshot as a form of advice, otherwise we just walk off while you're busy talking shit...cos thats how we role:)

    somewhere else • Since Dec 2009 • 152 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    Some other recipies to try - lemon baked snapper, trevally with tomato & olives, kingfish in garlic butter.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Julian Melville,

    But I'd just like to point out, (mainly to non Aucklander's I guess?) that there are many and various ways to exist in Auckland, and not all of them fit the stereotype presented here...

    +1, what he said.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 199 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    They're honest to the point of horrendously rude; and will come forward at almost lightning speed if they think you're talking crap.

    But, if the Southern branch of my material line is any indication, gets spectacularly (if passive-aggressively) pissy if you repay the discourtesy. You haven't lived unless you've seen a burly southern man flounce out of a room. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • linger,

    Which raises the question: what's a material line?
    and what weight fish can you land with one?

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1890 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Ah stereotypes! They're such fun...
    I'm South, as in South of the Waitaki from many generations bred & born there, but strangely, none of my v. large whanau fit the Southern Man/Southern Woman advertisement.

    And I've lived for 40 years on the West Coast - and - surprise! - I've met precious few Archetypical Coasters. Some people play up to the image, but revert to being normal when no-one from elsewhere is looking.

    Enjoy Wanaka (& Lake Hawea) Derek : south is a good place to be- and so's north, I imagine.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    linger - if the South Island is your waka, that material line could raise Te Ika a Maui :) (weight improbably huge.)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    The only catch is that it takes at least five years before you're thought of as a local, and even then there's no guarantee they won't resort to calling you a wanker should the occasion arise.

    Ha, no, it's not that easy. David has got it better.

    The fastest way there is to just be there long enough, and after about 20 years people will think you've been there so long that you were born there.

    Or use a transitional point or five. Move to Wanaka, then move to Queenstown. Say you're from Wanaka. Actually no, that won't work, no one is really from Wanaka, I don't think they allow births there, just tourists. You'll have to transition through Cromwell or Alex or Clyde or something. Fudge around the "so where did you grow up?" question.

    I'm sure you'll have a good plan within the next decade to get yourself localised.

    Some other recipies to try - lemon baked snapper, trevally with tomato & olives, kingfish in garlic butter.

    I'm not sure about trevally, but he's going to have to drive a fair bit north to get snapper. I saw a couple bagged in Mistletoe Bay in the Marlborough Sounds, but not often south of that. Snapper are apparently wusses for warmer waters.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Kyle - we used to catch snapper off the north beach in Big O. For some reason, they havent been around since the mid1980s...big shoals of trevally were regularly fished off the Oamaru wharves: the occaisional one can still be caught around Moeraki (I rarely seafish further south than there.)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    That's interesting Islander. Maybe West coast has warmer water flows than the East?

    Still, from Wanaka, he ain't getting any of those sea fish without a drive :)

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • pollywog,

    no one is really from Wanaka, I don't think they allow births there, just tourists.

    heh...i had to turn down the gig this year cos of work commitments in welli but...

    http://pollywannacracka.blogspot.com/2007/05/festival-of-coloureds_4836.html

    somewhere else • Since Dec 2009 • 152 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    You'll have to transition through Cromwell or Alex or Clyde or something.

    Mataura. There are a startling number of people originally from Mataura.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Campbell,

    Take the drive to Jacksons Bay, a couple of hours, and fish off the wharf - don't forget the insect repellent.

    Of course you haven't really lived there until you've spent a winter in Wanaka - or Hawea in my case - where I retired to write my thesis during a hoar frost/freezing fog that lasted 2 weeks - the water froze up on the second day and on the fourth I ran out of coal for the pot belly - by then the locals had already bought out the entire local supply and I retired to my sleeping bag - have fun learning to drive on ice, just for interest can we know which part of Wanaka to avoid those first few weeks of winter?

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 2608 posts Report Reply

  • Derek Stuart,

    Actually Fletcher B, this could explain why so many people in Ponsonby have four-wheel drives, they're all secret hunter gatherers.

    Since Dec 2009 • 2 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Mataura. There are a startling number of people originally from Mataura.

    I think they're all All Blacks half backs.

    Mataura is too small. You'll meet one of the other five hundred people who've live there and they'll sure as hell know that you didn't grow up there because you said you wrote goats at the local AMP day as a kid and they'll have been to every one for fifty years and know that the little kids always ride sheep.

    For real local knowledge, say you were born at the Invercargill McDonalds. Before it was the McDonalds it was the site of the maternity hospital. Except then you'll be admitting that you're a Southlander, and an "Invergigglian" at that.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Peter Martin,

    North-South divide - that's the Waitaki River isn't it?

    Heh...indeed!

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 187 posts Report Reply

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