Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: Who else forgot to get married?

177 Responses

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  • Emma Hart, in reply to Hebe,

    I know a couple who kept their own names and blended them for their children’s surnames. Great idea .

    We considered this. But that would have made the children's surname "Dearhart", and I am not that much of a sadist.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __, in reply to Emma Hart,

    I know a couple who kept their own names and blended them for their children’s surnames. Great idea .

    We considered this. But that would have made the children’s surname “Dearhart”, and I am not that much of a sadist.

    How Pratchettian!

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3891 posts Report Reply

  • Yamis, in reply to Emma Hart,

    We considered this. But that would have made the children's surname "Dearhart", and I am not that much of a sadist

    Rad Heart ?
    The Radar?
    Hard Tear?

    I'm supposed to be insulating under the house... procrastination ...

    Since Nov 2006 • 903 posts Report Reply

  • Ewan Morris,

    When my partner and I got married we both agreed on a new surname - not a blending of our old names, a new name altogether. One useful consequence is that my old name now functions as a quasi-pseudonym for purposes such as commenting on Public Address...

    Since Nov 2006 • 46 posts Report Reply

  • linger, in reply to Gareth Swain,

    The current situation in Japan is a little more flexible than that. Bride and groom do have to be put on the same family register -- which means that for at least some (local government) purposes they are filed under a common family name -- but women can and often do retain their unmarried name for professional purposes. Two of my (30-something) colleagues have got married within the last 3 years. One changed her name; the other (with a little more history of research and publication behind her) didn't.

    Tokyo • Since Apr 2007 • 1923 posts Report Reply

  • Gareth Swain, in reply to linger,

    Professionally, sure. It's very common for people to continue using their maiden names at work, as you say.

    Japan • Since Apr 2013 • 45 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    almost never do you hear of a couple creating a new surname of their own (which I kind of think would be cool)

    It was

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19706 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __, in reply to Gareth Swain,

    using their maiden names at work

    "Birth names" is probably a less archaic term.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3891 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Grevers,

    We got married after several years, but my wife didn't want to change her name yet again (second marriage) so uses her maiden name. Even though I signed school enrolment forms with my own name I started getting mail addressed to Richard White.

    We have friends who decided to use the father's surname for child one, mother's for child 2 etc. (they stopped at two sons).

    I think the most sensible solution for double-barrelled breeding with double-barrelled is to combine half of each parent's name in the most aesthetically pleasing combination.
    Not everyone thinks about it deeply enough, though: I have heard of Plummer + Butt -> Plummer-Butt (!)

    New Plymouth • Since Jul 2011 • 143 posts Report Reply

  • Matthew Poole, in reply to Richard Grevers,

    I have heard of Plummer + Butt -> Plummer-Butt (!)

    At least it was Butt rather than Crack.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4097 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to B Jones,

    I don’t recall a single one I’ve attended which included ...

    Neither have I, but I strongly suspect, actually I'm damned certain, that my sample is biased. I just don't get invited to standard relious wedding because none of my friends are that way inclined.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen, in reply to Russell Brown,

    Our first-born is Jimmy Rae Brown

    Except for the expectation that he will be a blues guitarist.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4458 posts Report Reply

  • Carol Stewart, in reply to Richard Grevers,

    Plummer-Butt (!)

    As opposed to the more aristocratic Butt-Plummer?

    Wellington • Since Jul 2008 • 825 posts Report Reply

  • Aidan,

    War Boner.

    Who wouldn't be tempted ...

    Canberra, Australia • Since Feb 2007 • 154 posts Report Reply

  • Miche Campbell, in reply to Richard Wain,

    See, it's not "trading one man's name for another" though.

    I was 29 when I got married. I'd had my surname for all of that time. After 29 years it was my name, not my father's (thank goodness).

    And for the record it's still my name.

    Dunedin • Since Feb 2011 • 79 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown, in reply to Richard Grevers,

    I think the most sensible solution for double-barrelled breeding with double-barrelled is to combine half of each parent’s name in the most aesthetically pleasing combination.

    Best example of which I am aware: the Gracewood family. Grace + Wood x Deed Poll.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22825 posts Report Reply

  • Lilith __,

    I’m sure I’ve said this before in this forum, but the Spanish system has much to recommend it. Couples don’t share a name, children are hyphenated until such time as they pick which one they want to go with.

    Some friends of mine thought up another solution: an invented middle-name for both the couple, intended as surname of future children. So they all share a name, but also keep their birth-names.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3891 posts Report Reply

  • Raymond A Francis,

    Three sons, two daughter-in laws

    I asked the French one if she was going to take our family name, glad to she said ( I have always thought of her as my daughter anyway) but interestingly in France as a woman your legal name is the one you are born with

    Second d-i-l has double barrelled the two surnames

    Different strokes for different folks

    45' South • Since Nov 2006 • 577 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,

    I've always thought if Dave Dobbyn married me, I'd never take his surname.

    Ok, but from now on I'm going to refer to you as if you did.

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha, in reply to Aidan,

    Bar owner seems more likely :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19706 posts Report Reply

  • Morgan Nichol, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    Of course as a man it is never expected that I change my name and in our case it would have been silly to have either of us mess up our publication record by changing names.

    I've always figured that I'll take the opportunity to change my name to my mother's family name. Of course now some shithead is squatting the domain name I'd then have to adopt, so I might not do it anymore.

    Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report Reply

  • Barnaby Nicholls,

    The surname point is interesting - I, too, see no point in one taking the name of the other. I know of several people who took a less mainstream route and chose a new name together - it would make genealogies complicated (although they're historically bloody patriarchal), but it's much less random than the traditional practice. The Swedish actors Noomi and Ola Rapace provide an example of the chosen-marriage-name practice ("Rapace" is French for "bird of prey").

    Wellington • Since Apr 2013 • 19 posts Report Reply

  • Miche Campbell, in reply to Morgan Nichol,

    I do know a young man who changed his name to match his wife's when he got married.

    After the initial "Oh? Okay," it's been no hassle at all.

    Dunedin • Since Feb 2011 • 79 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia, in reply to Russell Brown,

    Best example of which I am aware: the Gracewood family. Grace + Wood x Deed Poll.

    Or you could go the Torchwood route: Pull out the Scrabble tiles and see if you can come up with a funky anagram of your surnames.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • izogi, in reply to Emma Hart,

    I don't understand this. That doesn't mean I condemn it, or that in the least I think women shouldn't be doing it, I just don't understand it.

    I don't get it either. I grew up with a mother who repeatedly told me how much she regretted changing her name when she married---not because she disliked her new name, but because she discovered afterwards that she was suddenly anonymous and very difficult for many of her old friends to find. These days, with social networks like Facebook, that specific issue is probably less of an issue, at least as long as social network corporations continue collecting screeds of personal network data about everyone in the world.

    We were married in 2010 after 7 years together, as much to keep the families happy as for any other reason, and I managed to convince my wife to keep her name. She added mine as a middle name on the marriage certificate, but after shifting to Australia we discovered that marriage certs aren't accepted as name-change evidence as they are in NZ. Therefore she can't use her new middle name for anything official here anyway... at least without a completely new name-changing process that we couldn't be bothered with during all the other complexities of shifting.

    With a baby on the way, about to return to NZ, and with her passport finally up for renewal, she's made up her mind to change her name properly with the new passport. The child surname simplification thing is an excuse, but she's also concerned about either of us having issues being accepted as the parent of a child without having the same name. I wouldn't know if this is actually a significant issue these days or not.

    Ultimately though, I think she just grew up in her extended polish and not-very-good-at-being-catholic family, always assuming she'd lose her surname when she married.

    Wellington • Since Jan 2007 • 1139 posts Report Reply

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