Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Of Tweets and Twats

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  • Kyle Matthews,

    That, Kyle, is the funniest thing to have happened here in a long time. Love it.

    I've always claimed I had talents, finally they get recognition.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Williams,

    Thank the dear sweet lord: I finally get the Lhaws joke.

    I was in that camp for a while also (and I'd made the post to which Gio's genius-reply was in fact made) and then suddenly got it... not sure why though... I too, kept quiet about it but since 'fessing up the thing to do...

    Sydney • Since Nov 2006 • 2273 posts Report Reply

  • WH,

    Zing. I'm thinking about that scene in that movie where Helen Hunt's character tells Jack Nicholson's character that he's an arsehole, and she's completely right. Still, when the anger fades there's that nagging sense that even annoying people have feelings, maybe especially them. Is there a place for the cliche, the homily and the platitude in this dull new world of snarky irony and witty understatement?

    Sometimes I think Bill O'Reilly just needs a hug, which raises the question of why I think about Bill O'Reilly at all. He's not what you'd call classically good looking and I can't say that I care for his views.

    Thinking about that - sometimes I feel like I need a hug, but I'm often too afraid to ask. People have given me funny looks, especially if we've only just met, but that is mainly in the past now.

    Since Nov 2006 • 797 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    Craig R:

    Rubbish. Michael Laws is not a cunt. A cunt is a multi-functional, yet aesthetically pleasing, orifice that has brought much harmless pleasure into the world. Laws is none of the above.

    Does that then make Mr Lhaws an adherent of the Oedipus complex?

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5446 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    And sorry to puncture WailOily's delusions, but I think there's been some real virtual scalp collecting going on in old Blighty. Cheese and crackers, talk about a self-inflicted cluster fuck...

    I believe he has been comparing his dazzling conquest of Mr Christie to the efforts of Guido in revealing the scandal that may yet end Gordon Brown's political career.

    No, really. He has.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Does that then make Mr Lhaws an adherent of the Oedipus complex?

    Well, that's a less vulgar and more literary way of putting it...

    No, really. He has.

    I'd rather believe you're huffing industrial solvents. Really. Still, I'm not quite so sure that David Cameron's been handed the keys to Number Ten quite yet but it's sure looking ugly. Could be a situation where the curiously inept cover-up does more damage than the scandal itself.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Isn't that pretty much true every time?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    Free speech ...what a great idea eh!

    Cunt has many meanings and really needs to be examined in context.

    For instance one of Bill Ralston's most favourite professional innertainers use it frequently as a noun of praise.

    "BUT being the GOOD CUNTS we are and in association with the CUNTS AT 95BFM we are giving you the opportunity to download the opening track for FREE."

    It's just a word, it's the meaning that's important.The politician and journalist Micheal Laws is a cunt of a man in many people minds in that he says things that are misleading, false and seemingly deliberately offensive and unhelpful.

    "Cunt" in this definition describes a untrustworthy individual.

    Why can't we be allowed to evolve our fucking language?

    Here's to free thought in 2009 and the day a herald front page can begin with the headline.

    "Bigotry and hate are Fucked Up."

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I like good anglo saxon language more than most women (should), but that made me go a delicate shade of pink.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    "BUT being the GOOD CUNTS we are and in association with the CUNTS AT 95BFM we are giving you the opportunity to download the opening track for FREE."

    The use of "cunt" as a term of blokey affection confuses the hell out of Americans, as the Back of the Y chaps (from whom the above quote comes) have discovered.

    But imagine the conniptions when they told their producers they wanted the follow-up to their debit feature The Devil Dared Me To to be titled ... Hard Cunts .

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    "I like good anglo saxon language more than most women (should), but that made me go a delicate shade of pink."

    Well, we have been trained to be embarrased by them ....and not consider their meanings. I mean the state and media actively encourages us not to use the very words that flow naturally on any street anywhere in the english speaking world.

    Actualty J , I was unsure there was a quota for the use of language.
    They are heated words when written down and rather less threatening when used in 90% of commonplace discussions.

    "The use of "cunt" as a term of blokey affection confuses the hell out of Americans".

    Americans and their cussing. What about the N word. The Rolling Stones of hip hop were called "niggas with attitude" but I'm still unsure whether that's an acceptable term to use in a music store let alone polite conversation.That's a mind fuck of censorship.

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Just how big a [insert your pet abusive term here] IS Michael Lawhs? Grant Robertson's tweet this morning:

    took life into hands and rang Michael Laws.he is on about UN conference on racism, but early decided to have a go about my civil union, sigh

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Heather W.,

    Just how big a [insert your pet abusive term here] IS Michael Lawhs? Grant Robertson's tweet this morning:
    took life into hands and rang Michael Laws.he is on about UN conference on racism, but early decided to have a go about my civil union, sigh

    How does Michael giving his congratulations on Grant's marriage (yes he should have said civil union) become having a go?

    North Shore • Since Nov 2008 • 189 posts Report Reply

  • Jake Pollock,

    I'm still unsure whether that's an acceptable term to use in a music store let alone polite conversation.

    Rule of thumb on that one is that, unless you are a descendant of African slaves talking to another descendant of African slaves, you should never, ever, use that word in polite conversation, unless you happen to be talking about W.E.B Dubois' 'Double Consciousness', and even then I'd be careful.

    Raumati South • Since Nov 2006 • 489 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Rule of thumb on that one is that, unless you are a descendant of African slaves talking to another descendant of African slaves, you should never, ever, use that word in polite conversation, unless you happen to be talking about W.E.B Dubois' 'Double Consciousness', and even then I'd be careful.

    Jake: There's also a good number of "descendants of African slaves" who don't want to hear that kind of stupid shit from anyone. A better rule of thumb might be to check what century you're in, and just because some half-wit rapper jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge doesn't mean you have to as well.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    ... and it means you simply cannot read Huck Finn - IMHO one of the greatest books ever- aloud anymore. That's a shame...

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report Reply

  • Jake Pollock,

    Rob: Does reading any book aloud constitute 'polite conversation', or is it 'reading a book aloud'?

    Craig: Obviously.

    Raumati South • Since Nov 2006 • 489 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    "half-wit rapper "

    Those rappers are silly aren't they. If only they could express themselves.

    It's just a word, in this case one which is allowed on cards in music stores but carries weight if read allowed....like a picture of mohammad.

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    "Rule of thumb on that one is that, unless you are a descendant of African slaves talking to another descendant of African slaves, you should never, ever, use that word in polite conversation, unless you happen to be talking about W.E.B Dubois' 'Double Consciousness', and even then I'd be careful."

    never, ever, ever
    I know brother ,it just seems a waste of what is now a pretty strong word for freedom or righteousness. That's how the word is used.

    Can you sing along to songs that mention it in the prescense of say ...asian people..is that cool? Should Lester Bangs have been
    fined for his t-shirts?

    ...actually I am an african descendant.

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I'm thinking that you guys may not have witnessed one middle-class North Shore white boy greet another with the words "Yo, my nigga" ...

    Now that's some messed-up shit.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Those rappers are silly aren't they. If only they could express themselves.

    Given that the band namechecked earlier was NWA, I'm going to assume that this is a deliberately ironic comment.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    yeh Jack, i was being ironic, good song too.

    It's a fantastic word as are most "slang" words. Such richness in it's execution and application. It's inevitable peolpe are gonna want to try them out .

    Yo, my nigga.......It's a great greeting that will almost certainly have lost its negative overtones in a 100 years...so why the wait?

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Yo, my nigga.......It's a great greeting that will almost certainly have lost its negative overtones in a 100 years...so why the wait?

    Well put, motherfucker.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Eade,

    Thanks,

    Your use of motherfucker is wrong in my interpretation of it, it's not really to be used so casually, it's a hard greeting to someone who you don't know, or sometimes a playful putdown of someone you do know quite well.

    But there is literal truth there for all fathers I guess. ....especially Italians

    auckland • Since Mar 2008 • 1112 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Your use of motherfucker is wrong in my interpretation of it, it's not really to be used so casually

    Ah, but in a hundred years, who knows? And why wait? That was my point. I certainly didn't mean it in its contemporary usage.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

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