You deserve a column. I know you do. But my brain has been locked in the house – or more specifically, the lounge – for two days with the rest of the family, and frankly coherent prose is beyond me. Emma not write good.
But you've waited long enough, and today, while so many of you are doomed to a day of snow-bound tedium, might be the ideal time. So here it is: the full text of PAStory.
Thanks to everyone who contributed. I tried really hard to work in every single idea and piece of text, and I didn't quite succeed. But then neither did I integrate the very cheesiest of the Wham! lyrics. And special thanks to my spare-brain proof readers.
Enjoy. (Please, seriously, otherwise I'll cry.)