Up Front: Say When
522 Responses
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Jacqui Dunn, in reply to
Possibly, at least from people I know.
I would suggest that their reaction would be readable - no words necessary. Or, if words, along the lines of "there's only a week between a bad haircut and a good one".
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Before my life-raft sinks, I would like to point out than men and women alike are to happy to refer to Helen Mirren as the poster-girl for good-looking older women. How much does Mirren's longer locks play a part in this impression (subconciously). If she had a Judi Dench cut, would the impression of Mirren still be the same?
Also, most women I know are happy to point out when they think their husband's hair is shite (too long, too short, too grey etc) as well as when other aspects of his grooming are not to their desire (mustache, goatee, sideburns, nasal hair, eyebrows, ear hair etc). But one mention of his preference for her hair, and all hell breaks loose.
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I'm with Paul. There's nothing wrong with saying you don't find it attractive. That's not the same as saying everyone won't find it so, or that it should be changed.
Criticism of appearance might be a affronting when unasked for, but when it is asked for it should be honest. If I'm looking scruffy, and I wonder why women aren't showing any interest, I'd actually rather know that it's the scruffiness causing it, rather than, say, my offensive opinions or my sleazy behaviour.
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Danielle, in reply to
How much does Mirren’s longer locks play a part in this impression (subconciously).
Fuck only knows. The point is, you don't get to hand out haircut instructions unless asked.
Also: 'women are like this, men are like that' anecdata makes me stabby.
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Just to clarify, I don't actually approach strangers in the street and make NTM comments on their hair, or any other aspect of their appearance. That was to add a satirical air to my post, to hopefully reduce the backswing.
This is, and rightfully so, a sensitive area, because making apparently innocent comments about people's appearance can very quickly fall into the category of 'judgey-pantedness', 'oppressive social normativeness', or other long words ending in 'ness' (dumbarsedness 4egs). While that is something we have to come to terms with as social human beings, it would be good if the instruction manual had a bit more detail on this subject.
I'm looking forward to that FAQ I've heard rumour of.
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I'm thinking you should have left it where it was Pat ... that first hole was pretty deep.
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giovanni tiso, in reply to
that first hole was pretty deep.
Yes but to keep digging is very masculine, hence becoming.
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Also, most women I know are happy to point out when they think their husband's hair is shite (too long, too short, too grey etc) as well as when other aspects of his grooming are not to their desire
There is a difference between me saying "Honey, I think you look better clean-shaven," or him saying "I like you with your hair long," and saying "All women should have long hair," or "All men should be beardless." The former is fine, the latter not so much.
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recordari, in reply to
Yes but to keep digging is very masculine, hence becoming.
Step 1. Awareness. ;-)
Here, have my spade, I'm trying to give them up.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
but that’s a technical mismatch between what you want to achieve, and what you have achieved
That's the key. And it's also part of Emma's original post. The question is, is there a point at which Emma's desire to wear one style clothes mismatches her desire to conform :P.
While I agree telling older wimmin to grow their hair is asking for a slapping, the point made is that if you look at different age groups there is a distinct changing of style. When someone breaks that mould it stands out. And you can sometimes disguise which grouping you are in by adopting the style of a different group.
Whether you should is another question entirely. Actually scratch that you definitely should and frequently. For one thing it's fun messing with people's perceptions and for another it's the only way you discover other styles.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
than, say, my offensive opinions or my sleazy behaviour.
Yeah 'cos I hate it when I'm trying for sleazy and fail
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As an aside I love shopping for clothes with my wife and will happily stand for hours watching her try on things, offering opinions and carrying bags.
Ok, now you're just trolling.
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Megan Wegan, in reply to
I’ve always worried about that “old ladies have short hair” thing. I have curly, frizzy, insane hair? I still haven’t figured out how to make that "appropriate" at 33, let alone at 63.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
you don’t get to hand out haircut instructions unless asked
Ok but when I'm shopping with my wife and standing outside the changing rooms I have sometimes commented on the clothes being tried on by other women, sometimes negatively - it's never been received with anything other than pleasure and perhaps relief ... because the sales assistant busily telling the woman she looks simply wonderful is full of crap.
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Jacqui Dunn, in reply to
Oh no! Was that you?
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Deborah, in reply to
[Emma's] desire to conform
Hmmm.... umm.... are we talking about the same Emma here?
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Megan Wegan, in reply to
yeah, but again, that's the difference between helpful advice, and saying "you must have your hair like this".
It's the difference between saying "that's not entirely flattering around the buttockular area" and "your ass should be smaller, you giant heifer".
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Look, someone's made this helpful instructional video.
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Martin Lindberg, in reply to
Ok, now you're just trolling.
My thoughts exactly.
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While I agree telling older wimmin to grow their hair is asking for a slapping, the point made is that if you look at different age groups there is a distinct changing of style. When someone breaks that mould it stands out.
This. And yes, it's not about conforming to the 'should', just knowing when the 'should' kicks in so I at least know if I'm conforming or not.
Also. The TOFO FAQ. Every time I type that I think about how much Gio likes acronyms.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
Ok, now you're just trolling.
My thoughts exactly.
Not even!
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Emma Hart, in reply to
Megan, I think we should take Bart Drunk Shoe-Shopping with us.
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Jackie Clark, in reply to
In a fit of extreme envy, I have thought about skyping you tomorrow with my own TO. But I can't say that you lot will appreciate my breasticles as much as I do.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
just knowing when the ‘should’ kicks in
Maybe this is more dependent on whose opinions you actually care about.
Not meant as an “I don’t care what you think” statement but instead recognising that at 15 you care tremendously what the 15 year old girl next to you in class thinks, whereas at forty-mumble you may care more what your colleagues at work think or what the other parents at the PTA think or what your partner thinks when you go out to dinner with them.
Perhaps the real difference as you get older is realising that those groups may be different and your level of caring what they think about you may be different.
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Bart Janssen, in reply to
I will encourage you to spend money! And I hardly ever say "those heels are too high".
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