Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: At the RWMC with Alan Bollard

23 Responses

  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    Lovely to have you back David - been wondering what's up - but I guess you and Alan have been too busy carousing to worry about your fans.

    :-)

    Judi

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 106 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    ... been wondering what's up...

    A combination of other work, exhaustion, and a bunch of attempted essays that just wouldn't come out right. It's been a frustrating couple of months.

    But hope to be back in my normal routine from now on...

    P.S. Additional apologies to some PA readers whose emails I have yet to answer. Will get onto it ASAP, I promise!

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Alan didn't happen to have a polaroid of Mary-Sue did he?

    Perhaps wearing some trashy lingery he'd bought her?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4460 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Thomas,

    Another great yarn, thanks David.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 317 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Alan didn't happen to have a polaroid of Mary-Sue did he?

    Perhaps wearing some trashy lingery he'd bought her?

    Those are all despicable fakes and don't you dare besmirch Pauline any further, she's been through enough this year.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report Reply

  • dc_red,

    lingery

    Lingerie that's been worn for too long?

    Oil Patch, Alberta • Since Nov 2006 • 706 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Rowe,

    Sounds like that Bollard is full of shit to me.

    ""They pay me in hundred dollar bills. When I get back to my hostel, I spread it out on the bed, and it's 250 notes. So I go straight down to the Marrapikurrinya pub, and shout the whole bar a beer."

    Aussies only introduced the hundred dollar note in 1984. This story allegedly happened in 1974, if Bollard was 23 at the time.

    You should call him on it. But don't mention my name. Actually, I'm probably out of the country for the next few years.

    Lake Roxburgh, Central Ot… • Since Nov 2006 • 574 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Aussies only introduced the hundred dollar note in 1984. This story allegedly happened in 1974, if Bollard was 23 at the time.

    Bollard was young, concussed, and already showing an early talent for factoring in the effects of inflation. Howevah, there's no way anyone but the profoundly colour blind could confuse the old $50 Florey 'pineapple', with it's cryptic symbolism of a pair of white mice worked into the design (true) with the monochrome $100 Mawson 'grey nurse'.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Aussies only introduced the hundred dollar note in 1984. This story allegedly happened in 1974, if Bollard was 23 at the time.

    Wow. That was really geeky.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Alan didn't happen to have a polaroid of Mary-Sue did he?

    Perhaps wearing some trashy lingery he'd bought her?

    Turned out, her father had more money than God. The PI he hired in the late 80s retrieved the pictures so the big wedding could go ahead.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    the old $50 Florey 'pineapple', with it's cryptic symbolism of a pair of white mice

    Until I googled up a reference I thought you were just running with the surreal humour theme.

    "Which country formerly featured a pair white mice on its highest denomination note?"
    "..."
    "I'll give you a clue: PINEAPPLE ."

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Never mind the Bollards
    here's the Sucks Pustules

    I'm sure I've seen giant bats over Richmond Park too
    (Oh! BTW you can see those giants The Bats in Cathedral Square
    - Chch - This Friday May 8 - 12'15 to 1.15pm)

    "We were somewhere around Port Hedland on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold."

    oh hang on wrong classic!

    Mr H when will these fabulous urbane legends
    be compiled into an obvious instant kiwi classic

    Barry Crump watch yer back
    there's a new kid getting fiscal on the block

    Two fisted funny money...
    Joe - those mice weren't tucking into a
    digger dinner were they?

    more Poster Bollards to follow
    (unlike Auckland)

    Yrs
    Ralph Steadyhand

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    "Which country formerly featured a pair white mice on its highest denomination note?"

    I'd assumed that they were just a pair of lab critters, part of the general ambience of Florey's role in the discovery of penicillin. Now that it's been revealed that Bollard was up to his tricks in those parts back in the day I'm inclined to suspect that it's an illuminati thang. The Richmond Workingmen's Club is renowned as a hotbed of that Erwige Blumenkraft stuff.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Wondering if Bollard features in the next Underbelly prequel. In a strip club, scowling, swathed in smoke, sequins and whisky.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    Bollard ... sequins

    Disturbing image

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4460 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Exactly.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Apologies for delay in replying to these messages -- it's as if I have a small person who follows me around all day shouting "Daddy do trick!" and "Daddy sing song!" and who screams "No no no no no no no NO!" whenever I sit at my desk (not that I'm complaining -- I'm very happy to have the small person around).

    Good point about the 100 dollar bills, Paul. I've just talked to Bollard and he reckons that, actually, it was fifty dollar bills (with mice). He was pretty upset about being called "full of shit" though, and says he's going to "have a word with you" as soon as "the economy settles down again".

    Interesting question about the photo and the lingerie. I wonder if that was Bollard's ex-girlfriend, Judy Collins. He dated her when she was a successful folk singer in the US -- but now, of course, she's the MP for Clevedon, and (as I understand it) a real thorn in his side.

    Joe Wylie wrote:

    The Richmond Workingmen's Club is renowned as a hotbed of that Erwige Blumenkraft stuff.

    Ah, I see that you've spent some time there too.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Ewige Blumenkraft ebbing?

    fat chance in Christchurch...

    The Garden (Danger) City

    didn't we just have yet another flower festival
    The Ella Sleaze Eternal Flower celebration
    by the banks of the serpentine Avon
    reinforcing the "ewige Schlangenkraft" as well

    presided over by the arch reptile Bhob Parquet

    Canterbury is a Rosicrucible of Discordians

    Dan Brown would have a field day

    Rise Eris

    yrs
    Hassan i Sabbah

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Ah, I see that you've spent some time there too.

    I live within the dark circle of the Richmond Club's $2 shuttle. Unlike many of my neighbours I've resisted becoming an initiate, yet though I invoke the names of the Ancient Ones, even Chthulhu and Dread Dormammu, Im drawn by the inexorable power of the vortex.

    Ian's shocking revelations no doubt stem from his legendary powers of divination. Among his many gifts is an unrivalled skill with the acronym. For example, from the seemingly bland TEMUKA he was once able to extract:

    Tiny
    Emirate
    Manufacturing
    Useful
    Kaolithic
    Articles

    Before that I was unaware of the Emir of Temuka. Now I know that he's out there somewhere in the Southern darkness, doing stuff with the likes of Hassan i Sabbah. And now Bollard.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    I feel strangely compelled to write a short story about the Emir of Temuka.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Haven't read the post yet. But I saw who was in the title and chuckled. The anticipation is killing me...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Done. Very nice. Thanks.

    You know what I said on Emma's thread, I take it back. It was a joke, honest.

    Hey, I saw Alan B. at an arty thing the other night. Not why he was there given his obvious preferences for WMCs and the like.

    He's taller than I remember, which probably gave him a long reach edge in his fighting days.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Bollard: noun; Nautical. 1. A thick low Post 2. A thin Post with a few lines attached.

    How strangely apt.......

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

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