Southerly: A Year Ago Today
62 Responses
First ←Older Page 1 2 3 Newer→ Last
-
Thanks for writing this David, congrats to you and Jen for making it through the first year, and happy birthday to the Incredible Bob!
Like dc_red we had a great experience, at Waitakere Hospital also, earlier this year, and it's amazing what a difference the atmosphere there made to our general peace of mind. We had a lot of troubles with feeding too, although we were able to get sufficient formula into Wriggly to avoid health problems for him (not so for me and my incredibly painful boobs!)
It strikes me that the way we treat fathers around birth is kind of weird. We have so much focus these days on encouraging men to be engaged in the lives of their children, and yet when they first arrive there is such a focus on the mother's experience that dads feel forgotten, and often superfluous. We had the good fortune (in an odd way) to have an elective caesar before morning tea time, and that meant Wriggly's father didn't have to be parted from us until 8pm that night. From my point of view I found it quite terrifying to be left alone with this little baby overnight (although of course there was heaps of medical support). If Wriggly had arrived in the evening or overnight it definitely would have sucked to have his Dad turfed out so quickly.
-
Gosh. When my daughter was born after a long induced labour at about 3AM, 13 years ago at Waikato Hospital, someone got me a pallet and I crashed on the floor in the same room with her and her mother. Very humane, if not exactly comfortable. I am very surprised.
Lucky. Dunedin hospital isn't yet in the 21st century in this regard, and it's not the only one.
-
From my point of view I found it quite terrifying to be left alone with this little baby overnight (although of course there was heaps of medical support).
Oh yeah. Though Chch Women's allowed quite a bit of leeway, my partner stayed until about ten, I think. I was in a room with seven other women, so I do appreciate the reasons for making people go home.
But, Women's was horrible. It's always nice to hear a nurse, just before dinner comes in, use the phrase 'you can't feed them that'. Second time around we planned for Lincoln Maternity, which I'd recommend to anyone in Chch looking at a normal birth. I had a room to myself, the food was wonderful, the staff were great, and the atmosphere was actually relaxing. I didn't want to go home.
-
Happy birthday Bob - love the intense concentration on that cake.
I'm not surprised those early days took so long for you to process and be able to post about - it sounds rough and not even a little bit trivial.
I hated the Chch Women's kick-out-the-Dads policy so much. I think I cried solidly every one of the five nights Jamie had to leave me there for. That was a huge factor in my having my next baby at home.
-
Thanks everybody for the birthday wishes! They have been passed onto Bob-the-baby.
And congratulations to all the new parents who have come out of the woodwork. It's a veritable PA population explosion...
Che Tibby wrote:
... may you always be the curious chap we saw making a dash for the ladies at katipo.
I can inform you that Bob's not only heading for the ladies now, but also flirting outrageously with them. The other day he managed to attach himself to gaggle of Japanese school-girls and ended up posing with them in numerous holiday snaps.
By the way, very nice to meet you and Keith the other day at Katipo. Weirdly, Keith was exactly like I had imagined; and you were nothing like I had imagined. I don't know what (if any) conclusions should be drawn from this.
Russell Brown wrote:
So do I get to meet His Bobness next week?
You may even get to babysit him if I have to visit the lavatory...
dc_red wrote:
Hearing of your antics over the last year has been amazing, Bob, yet strangely did not put me off having a little guy of my own!
Delighted to hear that Bob had no discernible contraceptive effect. And I'm guessing the Pope will be pleased too (in fact, this may even count as a miracle).
Julie Fairey wrote:
It strikes me that the way we treat fathers around birth is kind of weird. We have so much focus these days on encouraging men to be engaged in the lives of their children, and yet when they first arrive there is such a focus on the mother's experience that dads feel forgotten, and often superfluous.
Well, given the meagre contribution of the father to the birth process (an hour or so of work at conception; if it can even be described under the category of 'work'), I wouldn't want to claim too much.
But certainly the father can offer significant support to the mother (if he's allowed to be there), thereby somewhat mitigating the enormity of her workload. And of course, as you point out, I imagine that most fathers want to be there, regardless.
Isabel Hitchings wrote:
I hated the Chch Women's kick-out-the-Dads policy so much. I think I cried solidly every one of the five nights Jamie had to leave me there for. That was a huge factor in my having my next baby at home.
Yeah, I must admit that I've always thought home birth was a crazy idea (I'm a big fan of modern medicine). But after the hospital experience I can see exactly where they're coming from.
-
Yeah, I must admit that I've always thought home birth was a crazy idea (I'm a big fan of modern medicine). But after the hospital experience I can see exactly where they're coming from.
I helped my sister have her boy at home.3 am, man doing a gig in Rotorua (I think) so while she cut the firewood I ran around trying to get hold of father and midwife.No luck there but a lovely fire. By the time he arrived, I was starting to freak a little bit, then(timing is everything) in walks the midwife, has a look, declares boy healthy and complete.Phone rings,the man's on,IT'S A BOY! I shout and he says he's on his way.Kept baby attached until the Kenworth pulls up outside, he jumps out, runs in with all the nerves of the father, and I go home for a sleep. An interesting start to my day. I chose not to have children but home births really are kinda nice:)
-
The other day he managed to attach himself to gaggle of Japanese school-girls and ended up posing with them in numerous holiday snaps.
lol. might have established himself the habit of a lifetime there...
as for your predicament at the hospital. am trying not to think about it. we're heading into wellington in november, and i'm hoping that the maternity care is at very least a smidge better than their cardio (which is... not great).
after initially convincing second chef that i'd be better down at the pub ensuring her dad didn't run out of whisky, a pesky midwife has guaranteed my presence to ensure the heavy lifting is done.
i.e. picking up unhelpful medical staff and turfing them out of the delivery suite, then walking down to the consultants rooms and ensuring someone attends.
grrrrr... man-stuff.
-
and you were nothing like I had imagined. I don't know what (if any) conclusions should be drawn from this.
-
Ah... profound...
And hope your own contribution to the PA population explosion goes super well!
-
time will tell my good man, time will tell.
-
i'm hoping that the maternity care is at very least a smidge better than their cardio (which is... not great).
Don't hold your breath.
-
I chose not to have children but home births really are kinda nice:)
Hear, hear. We did the home thing for #2 and #3 (we were planning to for #1 also, but he had to be induced in the end - probably a good thing, in hindsight, I have a feeling the birthing pool would have gone through the floor of the living room in the rickety old place we used to inhabit, which hadn't been repiled since the Punic Wars) and we never looked back. #1 was there to witness both events and that made it even more special.
-
Happy birthday Bob indeed - what an arrival; mothers really go through hell don't they and this...
as a consequence of hospital regulations that prohibit men from staying overnight
...doesn't help at all.
These regulations don't apply in Australia, or at least in NSW where my youngest was born - odd that really, in a country with a much more litigious culture and limited public insurance, you'd expect these things to be the other way around.
-
I should have also said, 'cause I know first hand, that fathers also often have a tough time even if some of the challenges are only vicarious. I can understand why it took you a while to post this article.
-
Che, you could always try heading up the road to Palmerston North. Fabulous. My twins were born there, and the staff made sure I got a double room to myself, with ensuite bathroom, and ran around madly helping me.
I'm convinced it's something to do with physical structures - nice new maternity ward, designed with mothers and families in mind.
-
Belated belated happy birthday to the lovely lad, who looks beautiful.
I still recall with delight your wonderful post about Bob's arrival. All PA readers should go and re-read it now - it's a delight.
-
Yeah, I must admit that I've always thought home birth was a crazy idea (I'm a big fan of modern medicine). But after the hospital experience I can see exactly where they're coming from.
I'm a pretty big fan of modern medicine too. The thing that tipped me into the homebirth camp was discovering that homebirth midwives carry all the same gear as is available at a primary birthing unit like Burwood so all you're missing out on is an uncomfortable car-ride.
As it was my son's birth was so quick the midwife missed it so it was all a bit moot but I suspect we were a lot better off birthing beside our fire than in the car halfway along Barbadoes St.
-
Deborah, thanks so much for that.
-
Very nice piece of writing David - you should be especially pleased with your conveying of the emotions involved without resorting to...I dunno... caps? Exclamations? Weapons fire?
As far as the Whole Birthing Thing goes, we had #2 and #3 at home, having had a home-birth in hospital [our people, their facilities] for #1. Stayed 4 hours, one of us peed [is that a weird criterion for permission to leave or what?], got in the car and went home. So not too much hospital-contact time. Enough, however, to have shared your gossiping midwife, I'll-see-you-when-I'm-good-and-ready experience.
BUT we did do the pre-birthing tour of Nat Women's [Akld, 1990] with "Sister". Well, to be completely honest, we did the first half. Being an ante-natal parent and dealing with Sister, on that day, was like being German and dealing with Basil Fawlty. We stayed as long as we could manage, but after a few scoldings [some people didn't have their birthing books on them!!] and hearing Sister describe the baths available as "one-man" facilities, we just couldn't take it anymore and bailed.
Well done, well written, lovely Bob.
-
I have to agree with Deborah about Palmerston. I had baby #1 and #2 there (both preemies) However I worked there and knew all the staff so I don't know how much difference that made. My partner was able to stay with me the night of baby #1s c/s birth because we were from "out of town" but things had changed for baby #2. I have to say their neonate department was super wonderful and I pretty much camped there full time with both those babies for 3 weeks before they let us home.
Baby #3 was born at home last year 'almost' fullterm
I reckon your experience of facilities is pretty much down to the staff on the day form the cleaners and clerical staff right through to senior consultants whihc doesn't seem right to me.
-
David, you mention that there was some good experiences (intensive care etc.) but the 'bits in between' was what let you down. That was the problem in our experience. Lack of integration between parts of the medical system (and accountablity), inadequate callback procedures for key staff, poor physical layout and some arbitrary rules. A dead baby at the end of it, despite some talented caring people. Oh, and if it had been a home birth there would have been three (unremarkable birth story) children without a mother.
Birth is a risky process and there is an intense fragility about it that some are unaware of. So pleased you all and lovely Bob got through all that.
-
A dead baby at the end of it, despite some talented caring people.
Oh no. I'm so sorry.
That, and this phrase
parents weeping beside cradles
in David's post make me so aware of just how difficult birth and those early days of life can be.
I want to go and hug my darlings now.
-
I reckon your experience of facilities is pretty much down to the staff on the day form the cleaners and clerical staff right through to senior consultants whihc doesn't seem right to me.
Absolutely - Chch Women's has gotten snazzy new premises since I birthed there but (from the reports I hear) the staff and policies haven't changed one whit.
I'm still boggled by the nurse who came in and scolded me for crying on the day my milk came in. I distinctly got the impression that many members of staff had forgotten that they were dealing with real human beings.
-
Chch Women's has gotten snazzy new premises since I birthed there
And yet added not one more bed than they had in the old facility, so they're still shoving mothers out the door early. Crazy.
-
The staff at Christchurch Women's includes a *lot* of locum staff. They include one of my sisters. 'Shoving mothers out the door early' is NOT a midwife decision - that's a bureacratic one: all the midwifes do is Ok that mum & baby are ok-then the beancounters take over-
Post your response…
This topic is closed.