Posts by Tom Beard

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  • Up Front: The Doctor Will See You Shortly,

    Anecdotes? Well, let's just say that the word game that ended up with "GROGSLUT" was not inappropriate. Conversations about the origins of the Derby name "Glam Flaps" and the dangers of saying "cut links" too quickly on the radio nearly brought on a respiratory crisis in one of our esteemed authors. And long after the relatively sensible among us had departed for restorative bowls of congee, a very suggestive and possibly scandalous Twitter conversation was maintained between [redacted] and [you know who].

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Busytown: A turn-up for the books,

    All of this could have been avoided if he'd just put a "RT" in front of each passage.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Field Theory: Zombies with Wheels,

    Yeah? Well I don't like moustaches, so take that!

    You know who else didn't like moustaches? Oh, wait...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Field Theory: How you wear it,

    Just need to source some top hats...

    Mine was made by Hills Hats, purchased from the most unlikely of outlets: Comrades' army surplus store in James Smith market.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Field Theory: How you wear it,

    I had a facial eponym for many years, and have only been clean-shaven since the beginning of this year. While I'm enjoying the fact that it makes me look younger, there is something about well-sculpted facial furniture that can help define and strengthen one's features quite admirably.

    In addition, while received wisdom has it that beards are anathema to the fairer sex, my current lover has encouraged me to go back to my former hirsuteness. There is an interesting trend among some of the younger generation of women to be attracted to hairy hipster boys, and while one might not think that that attraction would transfer to gentlemen of advancing years, I have been quite pleasantly surprised.

    While I generally maintain a smooth visage, my overachieving follicles enable me to grow a half-decent moustache within a week or two when required, enough to attain a touch of David Niven's dash or even some Terry-Thomas advanced caddery. Beyond that, I struggle to achieve Daliesque flair or indeed anything that would benefit from the added strength of wax. Admirers of fine upper-lip topiary really should not go past "Atters" Attree and his Ministry of Moustaches, though I wish he would put as much effort into web design as he does into tailoring and whiskerage.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Random Play: The Seduction of the Strange,

    Um, not as much as is implied here; see the Calcutta High Court and various other Gothic Revival structures. Likewise replication of Classical originals. I mean, yeah, not exactly the same thing, but I can't see how it is any worse than a Triumphal Arch after the Roman or whatever.

    (And the Taj isn't exactly ancient, it's about as old as the new St. Paul's.)

    I used the term "ancient" not in any strict historical or archaeological sense, but just in the vernacular sense of "rilly rilly old". And 1653 is a hell of a lot older then anything still standing in NZ.

    As I said, I'm not a fan of historical styles in contemporary building, but while the sort of thing that Mountfort et al did in Christchurch may have been Gothic Revival, it wasn't the same as copying an entire building, which is what I believe is proposed for the Taj.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Hard News: Dunce Dunce Revolution,

    It seemed strange at first that numeracy was considered important, but science not. Wouldn't those who support mathematics also support science?

    But then of course it struck me: science helps you understand the world; arithmetic helps you become an accountant or currency trader. And we all know which is more important if you're ambitious for Nu Zild.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Random Play: The Seduction of the Strange,

    Except, to be honest, it's too late to put fake Gothic architecture in Christchurch, we've already got a lot of it, especially on the Square; it's too late to try and make Dunedin look like Edinburgh, the good burghers have already tried that.

    So why not make bits of Auckland look like bits of Agra?

    There's quite a bit of difference between adopting an architectural language and wholesale replication. I'm generally much more interested in contemporary architecture, but if a particular group wants to build in a style that has cultural meaning for them then I have no objection, as long as the planning and massing relate well to the surrounding context and any decorative elements are true to materials.

    Building a cultural centre as an exact replica of an ancient mausoleum, on the other hand...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Hard News: Safer Communities Together,

    Aside from the fact that it has dated so poorly, I wonder if the weirdest thing about that Nightlife video is that it's entirely urban. They may exist, but I don't think I've ever seen a New Zealand tourism promo that didn't focus almost exclusively on the nature's wonderland side of things.

    And whenever they do appear (like the Auckland "Big Little City" campaign) they get slapped down, because liking urban life is elitist and Eurocentric.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Up Front: You People and Your Quaint…,

    The Depraved Bisexual.

    But that's the best kind!

    "I do love my crumpet all hot and buttery."

    Dammit! Now you've gone and made me ... hungry.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

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