Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: In Praise of Arthur

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  • Kyle Matthews,

    Hmmm, must be a generation thing. I have only every been to hairdressers and usually female ones.
    To me the shampooing and cutting is an intimate act. The sort that I would only wish a female to do.

    Yes, definitely a generation thing. I 100% prefer a female hairdresser, and half the reason I go to get a haircut is for the shampoo and that brief period where they massage your scalp. I couldn't relax if a guy was doing it.

    And no matter how they cut my hair, it's still a mess the next day. So if it's feeling relaxed under the attentions of a cute female, then at least I get something out of it.

    The first thing a hairdresser asks me to do is take off my glasses. Then she'll cut my hair, and ask me how it looks. For some reason, "I don't know, I can't see it" always goes down badly, so I've just settled for 'great'. Saves time.

    I always fight with the gown to put my glasses on so I can check it's not too bad. Glad too. Once a woman gave me a cut, and I'm amazed that I never saw/felt her put the bowl on my head. "When I said blend it in...."

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Well, I *do* like pina coladas. And getting caught in the rain.

    See! Same humour...boy is it going to be weird when I get home tonight.

    Merc: So, did you erm, have any pina collada's today me luf?
    The Contessa: What on earth are you on about now?

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • 81stcolumn,

    Son – Your hair is like your wage packet full and bursting with potential on Friday night. Enjoy it and make sure you remember how it went – By Monday it will be gone…….

    Possibly the most useful thing my Dad ever said. I set a family record by having grey before serious bald – I digress. Yes as my hair has diminished Barbers make more and more sense. It is soooo hard to get a good short back and sandpaper these days. How hard ca it be ? Bay Rum doesn’t smell the same either….Gel ! Gel ! WTF is Gel…..Whatever happened to Brylcreem or the other stuff in the Black and white tin.

    One reason I don’t go to hairdressers I look gay. Which can be as amusing as it is flattering, but it is sometimes bothersome. One trip to the hairdressers ended in the conversation “how can you not be gay ?” errrrr.

    My Barber is Jose the most adventurous exchange we have had so far is about white tailed spiders. The barbers is safe they even have a fishing ruler.

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    (Establishment called "The Sharing Shed")

    I've always avoided that place, for 3 reasons:
    1) No hair no more :-)
    2) The mrs took the kids there, and they got some awful trims.
    3) Most importantly, the name offends my sense of English language pedantry. There's no sharing happening there, either call it a shearing shed, or sod off.

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report Reply

  • Leigh Kennaway,

    My earliest barber memories were of the Lincoln Rd barber in Henderson.... or Da Linkdabarber as my younger brother called him..... sitting in his chair and listening to the wireless as Neil Armstrong got ready to walk on the moon.

    The bestest barbers though are in Turkey... I visited several in different regions and they were all equally good. Shampoo, condition, cut, trim with cut-throat razor, scalp massage, and most amazing.... using a little ball of burning cotton on a long stick to singe away those pesky ear hairs. Sounds frightening, looked dramatic, but really cool!

    Western Bays • Since Feb 2007 • 79 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    using a little ball of burning cotton on a long stick to singe away those pesky ear hairs. Sounds frightening, looked dramatic, but really cool!

    Wouldn't want to volunteer for the apprentices to practise on!

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Simmonds,

    He was rumoured to sell condoms...

    Yes, I remember my brother telling me (this is back in the '60s) that our local barber sold condoms under the counter and that there was some sort of protocol involved- something to do with the way the money was handed over - this bit I'm not so sure about. Anyway, way back then, the local barber was all a bloke needed for his weekly supplies of everything: tobacco, brylcreem, reading material (Best Bets) and contraceptives.

    Auckland • Since Aug 2007 • 1 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    Heh... reminds me of a "cafe" on Koh Samui.

    Rumour had it that you only had to ask for "Big Chicken" which was not on the menu, and for 200bt you got an ounce of something not much like chicken.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    It is said "a bad haircut is only a week away from being good."

    I live my life, from week to week, in hope.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • Rebecca Williams,

    lol@bent twig

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 120 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    Bent twig? Luxury!...

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    The bestest barbers though are in Turkey... I visited several in different regions and they were all equally good. Shampoo, condition, cut, trim with cut-throat razor, scalp massage, and most amazing.... using a little ball of burning cotton on a long stick to singe away those pesky ear hairs. Sounds frightening, looked dramatic, but really cool!

    Amen. Best shave I ever had was in Turkey. Those guys give it the full welly.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    lol@bent twig

    Difficult as it is to believe, benttwig.com is taken ...

    http://www.benttwig.com/

    "The firm was founded as an intelligent, volatile fusion of philosophy, commerce and ethically opportunistic management."

    Eh?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22830 posts Report Reply

  • kmont,

    "The firm was founded as an intelligent, volatile fusion of philosophy, commerce and ethically opportunistic management."

    WTF!

    I am also loving Ron, the Managing Director in thinking chin in hand pose. Sidebar - I am so glad NZ men don't get into dying their hair to cover grey.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    I am so glad NZ men don't get into dying their hair to cover grey

    You'd be surprised - I know a few.
    Not me though, I'm happy to have 'em no matter what colour they are. Wish the little buggers wouldn't keep migrating from the top of the head to other less attractive locations, then I wouldn't need a Turkish barber with a burning cotton bud.

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report Reply

  • kmont,

    Well my dad decided it would be good to dye his hair and his GOATEE black for my uni graduation. Granted my best friend I were doing it......but FFS.
    George Clooney men, George Clooney. By the same token Kim Hill doesn't look half bad with her crop of grey.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    I am so glad NZ men don't get into dying their hair to cover grey

    I've been urged to now & then since I was oh... 25 or so. Got so far as to interrogate a chemist shop person shortly before my 40th - thought it'd be a wheeze to turn up to my own party with youthful brown locks.

    But it was like that Not the 9 O'Clock news sketch where the guy wanted a beer, but there were so many choices right down to type of vessel, "Glass, aerosol or pipette".

    So dying my hair sounded way to difficult. Maybe technology has improved in the ensuing 8 years, 50 is approaching now.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    I'll start on my goatee & ponytail too.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • kmont,

    He used to have a handlebar mustache until "the young folks started to do it in an ironic way". There was a ponytail involved.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • rodgerd,

    This raises a very interesting point. I also loathe having to make awkward conversation with strangers (it actually gave me hives on one occasion) so maybe I prefer a barber simply because of the strict conversational protocol.

    I have a hairdresser (Clubman in Left Bank, if anyone cares) who has a mostly male clientele and understands that a number of her clients do not wish to spend the whole time yammering away.

    I have awkward curly hair that can be cut such that it looks fine walking out of the hairdresser, but horrible the next day. So my number one qualification is someone who can get it right every time. Leah does. I pray nothing happens to her and that she outlives me (or my hair). The fact she's not chatty and is good looking are bonuses.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 512 posts Report Reply

  • rodgerd,

    I have to assume she was using scissors to cut it. It looks like she used a tiny enraged pomeranian. Either as the cutting device, or the model.

    The worst hair cut I have ever had was when I was working in Dudley (outside Birmingham). It was awful. It made me look, as one wit in the office said, "like a local", and there was little that could be worse.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 512 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    George Clooney men, George Clooney. By the same token Kim Hill doesn't look half bad with her crop of grey.

    I didn't fancy George Clooney before he went grey. I love grey hair so much I love my own grey hair.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Leigh Kennaway,

    Wish the little buggers wouldn't keep migrating from the top of the head to other less attractive locations

    Why do they do that?!?!?! My hair-genes can't decide if they should follow the grand-dad who went bald, or my father who went grey.... meanwhile my eyebrows not only grow to astonishing length, they retain the rich copper hues that my hair lost a good many years back. Aging certainly does strange things to ya!

    Western Bays • Since Feb 2007 • 79 posts Report Reply

  • InternationalObserver,

    Despite my advancing years I have retained my lush, long, golden-brown locks; with nary a nose-hair out of place. Unlike the rest of you sad old gits, it seems.

    </Narcissism>

    Since Jun 2007 • 909 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Fitzgerald,

    I knew a bloke who was bald at 13yrs - most evil wit I've ever met.

    Another who was bald before his 21st - all the chicks he tried to pick up thought he was a dirty old man (which oddly worked on occation).

    Since May 2007 • 631 posts Report Reply

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