Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Titular Titilation

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  • ScottY,

    Why anyone would like to join a club that includes Michael Fay and Roger Douglas is beyond me.

    Of course, were one to be asked...

    West • Since Feb 2009 • 794 posts Report Reply

  • Glenn Pearce,

    Whenever I see the anti-drinking ads on TV I remember that some govt made beer baron Mr Myers, Sir Douglas. Just can't get my head around the hypocrisy

    You might want to check your facts on this one, Douglas Myers has never been Knighted.

    You are however not along in making this mistake, it has been made many times over the years by the media.

    Auckland • Since Feb 2007 • 504 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    although really all they've been doing is their job

    And let's not forget professional sports players. Administrators, coaches and other volunteers I can understand, but athletes? Pah.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Of course, were one to be asked...

    LOL. Nice.

    Refusing honors can be tricky. I tried to refuse a high school prize for Computer Studies, knowing full well that one of my best friends in the class towered above me in the field (and still does). But he was always profoundly disrespectful to the teachers who we both knew were well beneath both of us in the subject, whereas I was a model student, meekly and submissively learning the irrelevant and outdated tosh that was taught, just to get good marks.

    But I saw upon being dragged to the headmaster's office to account for this mysterious behavior, that I was talking the kind of truth to power that children simply don't have the power to do to adults, and that my position was a disrespectful challenge to their entire department of computing. So, I opted instead to accept the prize, and got a purely personal pleasure from the practical joke of being handed a copy of Hollywood Wives by Jackie Collins by the Head of English and the Headmaster, in front of hundreds of applauding parents. Only the Head noticed, and he kept quiet about it.

    I wonder how many people who accept major honors have similar experiences.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10654 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    I'm sorry, but given the thread title I can't resist.

    Q: How do you titillate an ocelot?
    A: You oscillate its titalot.

    Thank you, I'm here all week.

    On topic: my grandfather was a rural GP in Southland. When he died, I found out that he had an MBE. I don't recall anyone ever making a fuss about it, but at the funeral I recall that it was a bit of a source of pride for the local community.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Why anyone would like to join a club that includes Michael Fay and Roger Douglas is beyond me.

    I'd be in favour of it, as long as some of the other traditions are retained.

    I'll be pushing for the newly knighted Sir Tana Umaga or Sir Ritchie McCaw to sort out either of the above via sword, lance, or pistols at 10 paces. "On my honour sir, you screwed my country! Defend yourself!"

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Thank you, I'm here all week

    More, more..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

  • ScottY,

    When he died, I found out that he had an MBE

    I didn't know MBEs were fatal.

    Sorry, very childish of me

    West • Since Feb 2009 • 794 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    I didn't know MBEs were fatal.

    Lovely cars - was he driving too fast?

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    Who is New Zealand's head of state?

    De jure, Elisabeth Windsor, and whoever should follow her under mile primogeniture, or any other succession system the British choose.

    De facto, about 80% the PM and 20% the Governor General.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    My memory is that Lange didn't, though he could've, and James Brendan Bolger most certainly won't lest his Irish cousins sort him out (as well they should).

    Both are ONZ though, which is theoretically much cooler, but I guess not when people are introducing you.

    Labour gave Jenny Shipley a DCNZM just after they dropped the DNZM that would have seen a Dame Jennifer.

    Didn't realise that regarding Shipley - so she's entitled to upsize then under the new deal? I knew I should've checked her (and Brash) out before I wrote it... short of time, and always happy to be corrected :)

    And very interesting regarding the popular misconception about Doug Myers knighthood. I see his father had one, maybe there's the source of confusion. But both TVNZ and the NZ Herald seem to have run with the error on various occasions.

    I agree about businessmen just getting Knighthoods because they're rich and have served themselves (argument here about contributing to the economy, employment etc) - and I think if these people are recognised it should say "...for services to Sir Robert Jones" and so forth. But that's the thing - these weren't designed as community service awards, they're a way of sorting the rich from the poor, the toffs from the rest of us, the wheat from the chaff. The crazy cat lady who feeds all our neighbourhood strays is probably more deserving (destruction of native fauna aside) of an honour than Michael Fay... not saying much of course.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    Both are ONZ though, which is theoretically much cooler, but I guess not when people are introducing you.

    Nowhere near as cool as being introduced as FONZ

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    But that's the thing - these weren't designed as community service awards

    Do you think Sir Frank would have sprung for the Renouf tennis centre if a gong wasn't in the offing?

    And then there are baronets. My (step) daughter would one day be Sir Maddie, if she were a boy (it doesn't pass to daughters), and if her great grandfather would ever expire & pass it on to her grandfather (he's 102). His grandfather was originally knighted.

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Lee Taylor,

    Auckland • Since Dec 2007 • 3 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    The future Lord Christie?

    Yes indeed - he is *Precisely* who I have in mind in such a vision.

    'of course I was terribly drunk at the time'

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    why now?

    Apparently, it was all Garth George's idea.

    18 months before the last election, I predicted a comprehensive National win and suggested that one of the things a strong National-led Government could do is restore titles to those whom we honour twice a year.

    A month or so later, when I met him for the first time, Prime Minister-to-be John Key told me he rather favoured the idea and might just do something about it.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Stevens,

    You know I like the titles and the fact they're back. They're not hereditary, they don't convey that much privilege. They're like a little burst of fireworks around someone who has done something good, when things go right.

    Michael Fay? Thea Muldoon? Embarrassments, but then so is Jonathan Hunt and didn't Kirk's wife get made a Dame? It's hardly as if Labour can claim any moral high ground here.

    And why do we have to pull out the NZ dour Methodist "ohhh, someone's getting above themselves" attitude all the time? Why not celebrate achievement?

    Dean Knight's idea of having Maori titles included as part and parcel of the whole thing is excellent - it makes embeds titles even more into NZ as a whole.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 230 posts Report Reply

  • ScottY,

    Apparently, it was all Garth George's idea

    Indeed, judging by the haggard looking picture, he was probably around when the system was first invented.

    Maybe he's hanging out for a gong. Services to Curmudgeonliness?
    (If Ralston doesn't beat him to it)

    West • Since Feb 2009 • 794 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Bob Jones is still a self-absorbed cantankerous old scroat, who only gets any airtime at all because the media know he'll say something shocking – he's like a geriatric Howard Stern

    I guess he'll be first on the new Holmes show then? </cheap shot>

    Just to 'distinguish', I will be Lord Christie of Pittodrie.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Services to Curmudgeonliness

    Lolnui

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    I guess he'll be first on the new Holmes show then? </cheap shot>

    I happen to know who'll be the first guests on Q+A, and they should both make for interesting viewing. </plug>

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Gee Uncle Damian, when's it on again?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Funny you should ask, Q+A premieres Sunday week, that's the 22nd I believe, at 9am, on ONE.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Maori titles?
    I've missed this bit - what *sort* of titles did Dean Knight suggest?
    The only ones I know about are either age-earned (taua/kui, poua/koro. kaumatua) or you're born into them- ariki-nui/upoko-ariki, ariki or rakatira. Kai Tahu no longer have upoko-ariki because the line died out...

    Incidentally, I'm a committed republican (small r, because I think we can make our own workable version of a non-monarchical nation) and an anti-royalist.

    By the way, the urban myth that you're never asked twice to accept 'an honour' is precisely that - I have been.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    Islander - Dean suggested Tā and Kahurangi. Te Ururoa Flavell also mentioned Tā as the Māori equivalent of Sir on Back Benches last night.

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3207 posts Report Reply

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