Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Flashback

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  • Kadife Blue,

    Well my dearest Merc, I am glad that your powers of perception are not completely infallible. I am actually the dark mysterious female of this storyline

    Since Mar 2007 • 16 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    eeek, that is a scarey bunny.
    it wasn't me m, the others made me do it. they said we could 'work around you'. i tried to tell them you'd be unhappy but they obviously just got blinded by the $$$.

    i think the blond flemmish bunny has a lot of 'talent', especially if we can talk her into ear reduction surgery. i knew nobody could resist. she could be like our Yoko. Eusa, don't be sore, i know of a very fetching finger puppet you may be interested in <salacious wink>.

    Kadife, most of the nz actors are too lifeless and stiff for what we need. do you know any talented figurines we could hire? preferably porcelain, but i'm willing to go latex if needs be.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    it was Eusa that started it. don't listen m.
    and i think Kadife is into figurine trafficking.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    Merc, I am glad that your powers of perception are not completely infallible

    so vile a cosmic travesty has never before befouled mine eyes. i long to rip them from their sockets. do not reign your terrible wrath upon one so unworthy of your attentions oh Overlord.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    i know of a very fetching finger puppet you may be interested in

    Pooty is dead to me now! She means nothing *sobs*

    it was Eusa that started it. don't listen m

    It is very sad when the once greats of this crazy business we call show, start to slide down. When will he hit the pills?

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    i fear also that this "Rob" may have been touched by the Bishop's Staff for his ability to cloud the eyes of loyal servants such as myself.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    they are majic pills Eusa, and you're just jealous of the things they help me see.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Yeah, well ,you know, if you have some spare... m is pushing me for merchandising tie-ins and I'm a little short of inspiration here. Keeps going on about talking figurines and stuff.

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    merc- my people tell me your people said i was fired?
    Carrumba! things have moved fast and I'm already on location in Burkina.
    where is the surf? you said we'd have surf?

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2110 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    you said we'd have surf?

    Yeah right, they said
    My people will be contacting your people soon or we can meet in Milan.

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    i knew the figurines would be trouble. will send you some spare inspiration via pigeon courier - keep an eye out for one with mollymawk eyes (i think he's skimming the merchandice).

    Rob oh evil servant of The Bishop - no of course you're not fired. we can't let talent like that go, i will talk to The Overlord and seek his merc y.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    i think the reference was to Cold Water Surf. cleanliness is next to godliness my son.

    i once witnessed a guy getting whacked in Milan, just outside the train station. keep your beady eyes peeled Eusa, and watch out for those Milanese finger puppets, the stitching unravels as soon as you look at it.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    OK, everybody just calm down take your bennies and legal bourbon. The solution to this little impasse, unless anyone likes the term "being disappeared" is to come up with some more script, got it.
    Kadife, I like you, you're hired, you can write some mysterioso female stuff, blue is OK, but blue lite.
    Rob, you could be re-hired, I need something from Faso, a little machine they have only there, stay put, my people will contact you, you will know them by The Maltese Rabbit.
    Hamish, get Pooty on the phone and arrange a meeting, you mention taping again and I'm going to get Simon or RB to speck you uo re DRM/ copyright and you don't want that.
    And last, Mr R. you know because you are my brother that know one will touch you, but if you ever show your emotions outside the family again, you will be managing our assets in Peru, and you know what they do with Guinea's in Peru. Now that's outta the way, I'm slipping off to the old country for a bit.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    (i think he's skimming the merchandice).

    Do you think? That's why he won't let me tape stuff. I have some equipment in that figurine he's always talking to, I'll see how that goes
    Rob, baby, have you and The Bish decided on the final split yet?? Riddley and I have a meeting set for this arvo and might be interested in talking to youse two.

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    the split is up in the air, but i need the cfa, i have hired the extras and they are very hungry. 22.3 million cfa by courier pigeon to the Banc Central a Niger- you can float it down the river from Timbuktu if camels are short.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2110 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    See, see! See what you've created now you goobah's.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    your wish is my command Overlord. i have no desire to sniff the chill winds of Peru.
    this pox ridden hairless guinea pig is not worthy of your brotherhood - but i'm not complaining, it's not like worthiness has stopped me in the past.

    Eusa, that figurine, btw, is actually a webcam and mic. make sure you put a hanky over it next time you have any "special guests". Have got some particularly choice lettuce and imported straw set aside for this arvo, you're in for a treat.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    we have started shooting, oh mighty merc. but you said this would be a big-budget- no-expenses-paid-surfing-the-world epic. i have fired all my people and hired hamsters.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2110 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    you're in luck, there's a surplus of short camels at the moment.

    The air was redolent with the smell of Purple Spirit as the stuffed aligator made its pitiful attempt to conceal the G.
    Von Krankenhausen, one of the Gesteno's most notoriously sadistic enforcers, allowed himself a chilling sneer.

    vK: To whom does this belong, hmm? Or should I say, to What? You are of course aware of the penal consequences of having such things, no?
    P1: (whispering to P2) the last time I spoke to Deborah, she said she felt liberated.. perhaps...
    vK: Silence! ...

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Kadife Blue,

    Enter Kadife: dressed in a midnight blue silk dress, backless and with a plunging neckline. Her dark hair billowing around her face with the flicks of teenage boy Farrah Fawcett fantasies. Her black stiletto heels still had traces of mud from the old country.

    She stepped over a curious arrangement of small toy soldiers and bicycle figurines assembled in some web of fantasy on the hard wood floor. She was, however, unable to avoid a small pink lump reminiscent of some form of rodent...possibly a guinea pig. It squealed something about the Overlord and then scurried away.

    Kadife beckoned to a tall dark figure in the corner...

    Since Mar 2007 • 16 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    fired all my people and hired hamsters

    oh for god's sake. I AM NOT WORKING WITH HAMPSTERS.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    This is what I got when I Wikipedia'd (verb!) ego inflation because you know you guy's have got it coming to you, (my analyst Dr Carl said so).

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    Von Krankenhausen turned to Kadife and enquired menacingly
    vK: and what is your name Missy. And what is that pink thing?

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    m, that's my real name sake. the book wasn't written then, so i guess that other RW is named after me.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Sorry Kadif, guy's is in this context an informal noun referring to both sexes. BTW, you have great talent, I love your work, please send your scripts to me personally, R. won't be able to recognize your genius.
    R. that's EVIL HAMPSTERS buddy and ginga one's and gnawry (made up word AP) bitey hunger ones on P!

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

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