Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: What Sixteen Is

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  • Islander,

    What used to be relatively common (and yeah, that is a pun) half a century or so ago, was sexual molestation of children. It might be groping, finger penetration, unwanted tonguing - or much worse- but, then. you could almost always be certain that, female *or* male, the kid got blamed.

    Also, physical violence and mental violence, were commonplace, almost expected, even in good whanau. Dont forget that, the period/s I'm talking about, followed world wars and thousands of traumatised males - here.

    Soo, stories could be told that'd - most unfortunately - match Emma's - and others. I dont think we should bury or forget the stories: recalling them, and keeping an extremely wary eye out for children & young people today is An Extremely Good Idea.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Kerry Weston,

    Quite so. A few years ago, I was with a group of women, about 20 of us, and in that strange way that a few wines and no kids makes for a major talkfest, we began sharing those stories. The uncle or grandfather who couldn't keep his hands to himself, the blokes we "knew" to avoid and never be caught alone with. There were a couple of serious revelations of major abuse, too. All up, more than half of us, from memory I think it was 12 out of 20, had experienced some form of molestation. That was pretty jaw-dropping. So was the cone of silence observed in most cases.

    I've made far-reaching decisions to avoid one or two people I'd never trust around kids. And it's still hard to do, without feeling like maybe you're paranoid.

    Manawatu • Since Jan 2008 • 494 posts Report Reply

  • Matthew Poole,

    I've made far-reaching decisions to avoid one or two people I'd never trust around kids. And it's still hard to do, without feeling like maybe you're paranoid.

    It's less paranoid than taking the view that there's a paedophile hiding around every corner and behind every bush, which seems to be where the media's trying to push things. The reality is that most molestation occurs at the hands (if you'll pardon the distasteful pun) of family, or friends-of-the-family. The stories you relate bear that out.

    You're taking a prudent position. You don't feel comfortable about those people, and statistically they're a far higher risk than anyone except your family. Stick with your gut. You can't prove a null hypothesis (that they're not a danger to your kids), but the cost of disproving it is too high to bear contemplation.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 4097 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    It's less paranoid than taking the view that there's a paedophile hiding around every corner and behind every bush, which seems to be where the media's trying to push things.

    Indeed, this kind of pisses me off, because it does get to levels where people aren't letting their kids get any exercise. Of course you have to manage risk intelligently, but if you can do something as (theoretically) simple as providing your kids with a safe home environment, you've taken care of what is statistically the biggest risk.

    I collected her at midnight last night

    My mum and I had a standing agreement that if I ever needed her, I could phone and she would pick me up, from anywhere at any time, no questions asked. Saved me getting into actual trouble from being too worried about getting into 'trouble' with her. I did it once - rang her from a boyfriend's house after he hit me (the only time he ever hit me) and I fell over and smacked my face into a bed base. He felt shitter about the resulting bruising than I did, but as soon as he started apologising he sounded so much like my Dad I couldn't burn out of there fast enough.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    My mum and I had a standing agreement that if I ever needed her, I could phone and she would pick me up, from anywhere at any time, no questions asked.

    although I was a troublefree teen, I sure could have used my mother offering this when I was in my early twenties and getting myself into some pretty hairy sexual situations.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    I can remember being at a party in Epsom 30 years ago when the boot boys turned up outside and half the partgoers were suddenly looking for places to hide their knives before the cops came. Was quite a suprise to me that anyone even had a knife!

    Probably went to that one myself RaggedJoe, although the one in Epsom I was at, was, a police visit was due because someone had been stabbed. It became quite common for 1978. It seemed to be party/gig,bootboys, butch slags,stabbing.Are you going to the AK79 gig ;)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    The scary thing for me was my Milk Run for Mr Miller Upper Riccarton/Wigram/Hornby/Socburn and running on Main South Rd

    My milk run went through a fair chunk of Poets' corner here in Hamilton. That's where I learned that the cops actually do that chalk outline thing for some corpses - at least the murdered gang kingpins in Marshall St, which the locals then made permanant with a spray can. So for a long time I was pushing my jogger past that little keepsake.
    Looking back, I am surprised that I didn't get harrassed more often than I did, running through a dodgy neighbourhood, after dark, with a bagfull of money. One of the other guys got robbed at knifepoint, but all I had was a few dickheads trying it on, who gave up after I said "nah". I met more weirdos working front counter at McD's.

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report Reply

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