Posts by Bart Janssen
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Emma Hart,
It also happens that people don’t want to think about things that happened to them in that way.
Because part of the mechanism for coping is to distance yourself somehow. It may play merry havoc with you later in life but it's a way of managing at the time. And sometimes people eventually believe the lies they tell themselves.
But yes it was that bad, yes it was that wrong and yes it really did do that much harm .. and the tears are real.
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So at risk of being disemvoweled, here's some thoughts.
Someone upthread pointed out the hard possibility that one's own actions in the past may have been rape and I think that gets right to the heart of victim blame.
I think that maybe one reason people shift so quickly to victim blame (be it clothes or alcohol) is that if it's possible to blame the victim then it's ok to ignore the perpetrator and his/her motivations.
If you can stop thinking about the rapist then you don't have to consider to possibility that you could be one too. Because frankly thinking about the possibility that you could do such harm to someone else is scary.
I think that's where most folks become most uncomfortable. If we think about how many people commit rape, then we have to think about the possibility that we aren't necessarily that different from a rapist and that we could do that harm. What is it that stops me from being a rapist? I’m fundamentally the same as any other human and many humans are capable of rape. How do I know I won’t do that? Those are scary questions. And trite simplistic answers don’t help. But trite simplistic diversions can help you stop thinking about it.
If you blame the victim you can set those questions aside. You never have to bother examining your behaviour past or future because it was not/will not be – your fault. Especially if you can stop the victims from behaving in ways that force you to rape.
The alternative is to really examine the conditions that cause the rapist to do the harm and address those. Where are the anti binge drinking ads that show the man waking up in jail having raped? Where are the anti bullying adds that show someone standing by watching while their mates rape someone?
And I apologise in advance if this comes across as one of all those things I'm not meant to do in this thread.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Megan Wegan,
Emma and I are going to look awesome.
Obvious statement is obvious
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Russell Brown,
And there are also hijabs that look pretty fly, and are intended to be so
When we were in Syria (and Jordan to a lesser extent) one of the neatest revelations was just how fashionable the women were. Yes they had the hair covered and their ankles covered but the materials and colours were stunning. Within the restrictions of their own (self imposed?) dress code they expressed tremendous individuality and taste.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Julie Fairey,
Not sure what I'll wear
Should you be thinking about what to wear to slutwalk? Surely the point is you wear whatever takes your fancy on the day.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Russell Brown,
Seeing Shane Jones there was… dispiriting in the extreme.
Not just there, but paying tribute. Ugh. Ugh.
Just a politician buying votes. It's election year wadya expect?
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Southerly: One Hundred and Thirty-one…, in reply to Ross Mason,
I can’t help thinking that if you ride sitting up (a la Copenhagen video) then the chance of heading south onto your head may be reduced.
No
But some very basic training in Judo or similar, where you are taught how to control a fall so that less important bits get damaged first, definitely will help.
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Southerly: One Hundred and Thirty-one…, in reply to JackElder,
It’s the drivers who don’t see me that worry me
Bicycles are invisible, when you get on a bike you are invisible. David is the physics geek who can provide you with the math to prove it.
If you ride as if you are invisible you become much much safer. The moment you presume anyone in a car (or even on foot) can see you is the moment when you are most at danger.
Of course this doesn't mean you can ride naked without consequences :).
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Hard News: We are all Twitter, in reply to Graeme Edgeler,
* politicians can stuff off – today is about us the voters;
* we want people to be able to vote without being harassed by people outside polling places who might scare them off: can’t be bothered going through all that, etc;
* we actually like the serenity – it feels like democracyWhoa that's an aweful lot of "we"s there pardner.
Just which "we" were you referring to?
The "we" that voted in the government that passed that law?
I was probably born then but I'm certain many voters weren't.
The "we" that goes to the pub on Wednesday afternoon after a hard week of lawyering?I really am not sure that all those very strong and meaningful statements apply to many kiwis nowadays.
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Hard News: Someone has to be accountable…, in reply to Sacha,
dead calm?