Field Theory by Hadyn Green

New swears: I feel frictives add that extra emphasis.

And that 'frictive' is almost a swear itself...

When it comes to pork rinds Snix are fatilicious (and made from NZ grown pigs) but microwave rinds are even better - unfortunately they've been off my supermarket's shelves for about a year. So when I want to snack on a dead animal's skin, Snix it is.

Good topic. I mostly get as angry at referees as I do at Cameron Bennett presenting Sunday. My shouting top three would be:
1. Ref!
2. AhhhhhRef!
3. Fuck! Ref!

Considering the boy (three months old now) is often sent downstairs with me for sporting events, I may need to tone the swearing down. I *do* come from a long line of Ref! shouters though, and kids swearing is really funny, innit.

Beer, yes.

But disturbingly, much of my sport watching is done in the wee small hours (Football, Cricket, Tour De France), so it's often blankie and Milo / Coffee for me. I like that though. You need to put out your glasses, socks, sweatshirt and wooly hat the night before though, you don't want to be banging around in the dark gathering that shit and disturbing yer loved ones.

My pro tip would be to PUT THE LAPTOP DOWN! Save it for halftime, you can't watch a game and read Wikipedia's Mork from Ork page at the same time.

Oh, and my current celebration boils down to making a 'constipated' face and wave my fist around really fast like my hand's been stung by a jellyfish. This got an extensive workout on Saturday night between 10PM and midnight.

I used to kind of go 'Gettttinnnnn-getfuuuuuuucked', depending on who I was watching with.

Cheering. Everyone has their own style when it comes to cheering the team. My technique is mainly to just be loud with coherent as a secondary concern.

Over years of watching top sport while the rest of the household is asleep, I have perfected the silent cheer. The team scores, you leap to your feet, open your throat and punch the air. But there is no sound.

I'll leave someone else to formulate the "tree falls in the forest" joke.

When I'm watching sport on TV*, I like to snack on a plate of freshly cut veggies, including celery, capsicum and carrots sticks, along with some freshly made hummus dips**!

* This is not something I have actually done.
** Ditto.

On the silent cheer, thank goodness for texting to a mate I know will be in a similar predicament...

I'll leave someone else to formulate the "tree falls in the forest" joke.

.....So it is his fault :)

The team scores, you leap to your feet, open your throat and punch the air. But there is no sound.
I'll leave someone else to formulate the "tree falls in the forest" joke.

Perhaps something about the sound of one hand clapping would be even more apt.

Rules of the game. What you don't want to be doing, and this really only applies if you're watching with friends, is yell out something like "Offside Ref!" Only to have your friend say "Nah the ball hadn't been inside the 30m line for the last five seconds so that means all of the players in odd numbered jerseys are onside."

It helps if you're qualified to referee yourself. Though that's a big commitment to make just to watch the sport with more authority. And it isn't a requirement for the 99.9% of sports fans who yell abuse at me when they think I've made a call wrong.

On the food front, can I recommend a plate of corn chips. Dribble herb salad dressing all over them. Cover in grated cheese. Microwave. Seriously good (but not good for you).

Bit of trivia...

Chicharrones were a product my da' was trying to export way back in the days of the Otahuhu meat works. Southdown considered it a by product, hence rubbish. At 1c a piece, the mexican delicacy was gold to his eyes and seemed viable right up until the hefty sales taxes being introduced on export. (I think that's how it went, ) His dreams went out the window, and the pork rind went back in the bin. 30 years later.......

Considering the boy (three months old now) is often sent downstairs with me for sporting events, I may need to tone the swearing down.

You're right Richard and it doesn't get any easier as they get older. Football is a particularly bad one with all the best tunes being fairly unprintable. When my kids were babies I'd happily sing from the Hammers tune book ("My old man said be a Chelsea fan, and I said bollocks you're a c**t" etc...) which they used to enjoy but 10 years later doesn't seem quite right somehow.

They both like "You're getting sacked in the morning" sung to the tune of 'Juan Tanamera' and the special operatically popular one for scousers 'We've got Di Canio, you've got our car stereos'.

When I'm watching sport on TV*, I like to snack on a plate of freshly cut veggies, including celery, capsicum and carrots sticks, along with some freshly made hummus dips

Yes, the Tiramisu at half tiime at Lancaster Park is divine. Perfect washed down with a warm 2008 bottle of Tui.

Over years of watching top sport while the rest of the household is asleep, I have perfected the silent cheer. The team scores, you leap to your feet, open your throat and punch the air. But there is no sound.

Heh, I've done that. Expect with our creaky floorboards I can't even jump up. So I usually end up doing some kind of squirmy silent dance on the couch

Chicharrones, Nachos, Cerveza, You guys got the whole Mexicano thing goin' on.
Thou your Mexican wave must be a little lonely :)

I yell at players more than refs on TV.

Perhaps it’s some subliminal thing where I think I’m a coach and can actually achieve something. And normally players who yell at the ref get pinged, so I’ve worked out it would probably be counter-productive.

And I too have developed the silent cheer in recent years. Just as fulfilling as the audible one, but I do find it gives me a headache after a while.

Considering the boy (three months old now) is often sent downstairs with me for sporting events, I may need to tone the swearing down.

Experiences in bad parenting, #45 of 900: during the semifinal of the soccer world cup, two years ago, I made my daughter cry by barking a loud NO! when Zambrotta hit the post in extra time vs. the hated Germans. I sort of forgot I was holding her, I guess...

two years ago, I made my daughter cry by barking a loud NO! when Zambrotta hit the post in extra time vs. the hated Germans

What did you do to her when ZZ did his head-butt 5 days later?

What did you do to her when ZZ did his head-butt 5 days later?

I took the precaution of not holding any children for the duration of that game. During the penalties I believe I might have been snapping wooden beams in half to relieve the tension.

When it comes to pork rinds Snix are fatilicious (and made from NZ grown pigs) but microwave rinds are even better - unfortunately they've been off my supermarket's shelves for about a year. So when I want to snack on a dead animal's skin, Snix it is.

The other option is to make your own. I was introduced to this "craft" by my parents and I remember chowing down on these from a very young age (Töpörtyű as they are called in Hungarian). Due to a 5-year O.E. in the UK I tend to call them Pork Scratchings - but have discovered you can make them out of just about any fatty skin. I occasionally make some after ripping the skin off a couple of chickens which I'm preparing (we call these "Chicken Itchings" in our household), but even better is duck skin.
Simply take your fatty skin (be it pork, duck, chicken, whatever) cut into small pieces, place in a heavy bottomed pot with a small amount of water and cook over moderate heat. After a while the water starts to evaporate and the fat starts to render. Remove the scratchings when starting to turn brown and drain on paper towels. They keep well in the fridge, but salt just before eating if you do this as the salt attracts moisture and they go soggy. Eat with fresh bread and beer - then go to the gym the next day to atone for your sins.
The rendered fat which is left behind after cooking can be used for Pate, Confit and other heart-attack inducing delicacies.

The rendered fat which is left behind after cooking can be used for Pate, Confit and other heart-attack inducing delicacies.

Posts like this are why I love Public Address. Although I must say that my triglycerides had a surge just by me reading it.

Speaking of pork scratchings: there's a saying in my grandma's village, that I was reminded of recently due to the obama-palin-pig-lipstick insanity. If you want to compliment a beautiful woman, you'd say that she's just like a pig: nothing goes to waste.

Wellington = Log of Wood;

I occasionally make some after ripping the skin off a couple of chickens which I'm preparing (we call these "Chicken Itchings" in our household),

In Yiddish they're called gribnes and they are a delightful side effect of rendering chicken fat ("schmaltz").