Field Theory by Hadyn Green


Olympic Eye Candy

There's a reason why TVNZ showed plenty of the beach volleyball and why articles like this exist on nearly every sports website in the world. It's because you dirty buggers want to see girls rolling about in bikinis. And there's nothing wrong with that.

The problem comes when the men come out for their matches – in singlets. "O Noes!" cry the laydeez, "we can haz beefcake?!"

So, where can red-blooded women, and men with similar tastes, go to see the amount of skin they need, at the games of the 29th Olympiad?

After a discussion of some length at my local café the other day it was decided that the swimming pool was not the place.

While the men are tall and muscular and have enormous feet and wear skin tight LZR suits, the particular muscle alignment that makes a man a great swimmer does not necessarily make him an attractive one. Young Mr Phelps' chest seems to curve back in well before it naturally should. And if I must nitpick, his ears stick out.

The divers are different type of fish. Toned and sleek, they are the beautiful dolphins to the swimmer's tuna. I'm not entirely sure why they need all those muscles, but from a pervert's spectator's viewpoint, at least they only wear speedos not bodysuits.

But really, if you've ever seen a gentleman exit a swimming pool you know the results are not always as … interesting … as they could be. So thank goodness the athletics start today (then again, maybe some of them are stuffing).

And for the guys? I recommend the indoor volleyball or the pole vault, while Deadspin and Yahoo, suggest watching the Paraguayan javelin thrower.

Update: the girls and boys at GayNZ seemed to have the same idea as me.

How are you watching the games?

If you live in the States the answer is apparently: on television. I know; it's a big shock.

But according to NBC's research (pdf with a poorly drawn pyramid) anywhere between 92 and 95% of the Olympic viewing audience are watching the games on the television. By the way, according to Nielsen, the average US household has a television on for eight hours and 25 minutes each day.

Of course this may also have to do with the tight grip NBC is keeping on its web coverage.

NBC's broadcast and cable networks will air 700 hours of live events that will not be Webcast. And even more frustrating to some, another 700 hours of the contests will be taped and shown hours later on television, with no legal way for people in the United States to watch them before the broadcast. (All of the broadcast events are available to replay on the Internet after they are aired.)

The Actual Sport

  • The women's 200m butterfly final was a fantastic race! Both the Chinese swimmers (Liu Zige and Jiao Liuyang) were trailing the Australian favourite (Jessicah Schipper) for 150m then, like Phelps, they came out of the turn ahead and just stayed there. Liu, Jiao and Schipper were all under world record pace but the Chinese were a full second ahead of the Aussie at the end.
  • I'm getting the feeling that this is going to be a "bad" games for the Aussies
  • Roger Federer is having one of those anus horibilii (feel free to correct my "Latin"). He just lost to American James Blake in the quarterfinals. But it's not all good for the Americans as both Williams sisters have also been knocked out.
  • The "Worst Loser" award goes to the Swedish Wrestler who threw away his bronze medal in protest of the referee who "robbed" him of a shot a gold.
  • The American team is looking forward to the athletics to start so they can start to pull back the Chinese advantage in the medal table (of course that assumes they will win some gold). I'm also looking forward to it as the men's 100m contest may be the best we've seen in years: Usain Bolt, Asafa Powell and Tyson Homosexual.
  • I've said before that the Olympics Village is just sex, drugs and rock & roll, and it seems the Chinese officials agree with me. They have given 100,000 to athletes for their time in Beijing, and the condom manufacturers are getting in on the act too with some great ads.
  • And in case you were wondering, yes, it is going to be a giant weekend of sport

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