Field Theory by Hadyn Green


Handle the Scandal

Olympic Scandal!
The Olympics are a hoax! Oh my God, the calamity. CALAMITY!

First the fireworks display of the giant runner's footsteps were fake (well actually they weren't, the footage was faked because the organisers were a bit worried/embarrassed about the visibility of the Beijing air and whether the helicopter might just get hit with those explosives).

And then the little girl who melted our hearts singing, whatever it was she was singing, while the army men were carrying the Chinese flag, was not the same person who was actually singing! I feel just like I did when I had to tear down my Milli Vanilli posters: a little bit annoyed, then bemused, and then I got over it. After all, the opening ceremony is just a show.

Shows are fake; almost, by the nature of the word itself. Other “revelations" from the opening ceremony include: the whale floating around the stadium was just a projection; Li Ning needed wires to fly into the sky to light the flame; and Sarah Brighton has totally had work done.

Actually all of the things they faked pale in comparison to what the Dropkicks made up envisioned for the opening.

Now, if I found out that the timing devices in the athletics were incorrect; or that the diving board wasn't the correct height; or that some athletes were using performance enhancing drugs: then I would become headline-writing angry.

But until something of that magnitude happens we don't need a front page story on the DomPost and a big piece on the television news about this?

Michael Phelps

…this victory takes Phelps into the record books with his 10th Olympic gold medal, passing a special group including compatriots Spitz and Carl Lewis, "Flying Finn" distance runner Paavo Nurmi and Soviet gymnast Larysa Latynina.

At least that's what Stuff thought.

In my opinion, Phelps is easily the best swimmer of all time. The best Olympian though?

I will say though, this is the best headline I've seen on Phelps: Two Jews and a Black Man Help Phelps Fulfil Olympic Dream

What an interesting, and stupid, idea
Stuff Beijing blogger Michael Donaldson asks: Should gold medals be decided by judges? He then answers: “no".

I can't see the authorities ever wanting to get rid of the very popular gymnastics and diving events, but I would. And I would create a new event, the Artistic Olympics.

And what an event that would be!

It would feature: diving (single and synchronised), gymnastics (artistic and rhythmic), equestrian, synchronised swimming, and trampoline.

Oh and of course: soccer, basketball, volleyball, tennis, beach volleyball, weightlifting, wrestling, boxing, fencing, yachting, badminton, baseball, softball, handball, judo, taekwondo, and waterpolo.

Yes those are all the events that have some kind of judging component to them.

Don't think sports like hockey can hinge on an umpire's call? Ask the Black Sticks. Don't think basketball umpires could be bribed? Ask the NBA about Tim Donaghy. Don't think baseball should be at the Olympics? Yeah, I'd actually agree with that, especially if they don't have cricket or rugby.

The actual sports

  • Watching the replays of the women's gymnastics this afternoon TVNZ played the floor routine of Deng Linlin and followed that with…the floor routine of Deng Linlin. Hey TVNZ, check your editing
  • The synchronised divers are amazing, when I saw the Chinese women's team, from the side, I couldn't see the far diver as they were that synchronised
  • the best injury so far award is now with Janos Baranyai of Hungary in the 77kg snatch. He dislocated his shoulder AND the bar hit him on the way down
  • the rowing is getting tense now, and Pete Montgomery's commentary isn't helping
  • the interviews with the athletes would be better if they didn't talk to them straight after an event, like poor Moss Burmester, and didn't expect to much of athletes, like our white-water kayaker, who don't normally talk to the media
  • the competitors in the lightest weight division for the wrestling look like the world's most muscular midgets.

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