Posts by Max Rose
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Bart Janssen,
I have two older brothers. My father who loved his chocolate noted that as my brothers grew older he got less chocolate. So when I came along my father took action and convinced his two year old son that chocolate was made from poos.
It took me a while to work out whether you were speaking metaphorically or not. But it does strike me that so much chocual repression is associated with our forefathers not wanting to share their chocolate, and thus teaching everyone that either chocolate is yucky or it's wrong to share chocolate.
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Well, put me down as someone who has problems with condoms. Not an absolute one, because I've had long-term relationships that were condom-only and generally worked fine, and erections haven't always behaved themselves without them, but it certainly makes a difference. On occasions with a new partner when I've had more than a few drinks (and at the moment, that's most of the time), there's a spiral of physical and psychological insecurity that leads to me not even wanting to try.
And in those situations, virtually all of the time I'm more than happy to leave PIV for the moment. I'd rather wait for the morning, with its combination of relative sobriety, morning wood and relatively unhurried pace, and enjoy all the rest of the repertoire in the interim. To be honest, PIV is only a small part of what I enjoy about sex anyway: spending hours exploring each other's bodies, feeling skin on skin, kissing and licking, is sex for me. Nothing is more gorgeous than holding someone while they come, and if you had to ask me what "unsatisfying sex" is for me, it's not when I don't come but when my lover doesn't.
But not every woman feels the same way, and while my early sex education probably gave me a healthy appetite for outercourse, it doesn't prepare me that well for those occasions when a lover just wants to be fucked. hard. right. now. In those situations, I've found that one of three things has happened:
- I've tried to explain, or fudge along the lines of "I'd just like us to take our time for a bit". Usually, those affairs don't proceed for much longer.
- Once or twice, when the reason for me not wanting sex was not so much my worries about condoms but their temporary unavailability, I've been pretty much given no option. I certainly wouldn't want to call it rape, but being climbed on and pinned down, while being told in no uncertain terms "get inside me now", was something that I could have physically resisted but had enough conflicted thoughts about it that I didn't.
- On a very few occasions, I've gone against my better judgement and consented to unprotected sex. Mostly, that's been in situations when we were heading in the direction of an exclusive relationship anyway, but it's really not the sensible way to make that transition.
I'm pretty sure that there's a combination of physical and mental techniques I could use to get more comfortable with them, but mostly I'm happy just waiting for the moment when there's really no chance of untoward detumescence. But they certainly can be awkward little blighters, and no mistake.
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From the Diane Taylor "article":
It is harmful because children are literally at the mercy of the classroom teacher, as it is up to each teacher really as to what is taught. Sure, they have "guidelines" to follow but can teachers use their own resources and "innovate" in line with their own point of view?
Right, because it's terrible to leave sex education to trained professionals, rather than untrained, embarrassed, repressed and often batshit insane parents.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Emma Hart,
Dodgy Uncle Max has plenty of dodgy advice to confer, though I usually restrict such advice to those who are a little bit older.
For a while I assumed that these days, people in their twenties were much more sexually frank, experienced and open-minded than they were when I was that age, but some recent experiences have proved me wrong. I've recently had a couple of twenty-something lovers who seemed surprised that I was actually interested in their pleasure, and one who tried to deter me from giving oral sex because "it doesn't do much, and men don't really like doing it, so don't worry about me". Really? I like to think I contributed to her education, but really, at least the theoretical part of such learning should have been taught about ten years earlier.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Emma Hart,
I'm a big believer in the essential value of "uncles" and "aunties" for kids. It's always worked particularly well in my family where there's about a ten-year gap between the generations in one branch from the other, so every kid's had a "cousin" old enough to be considered responsible but young enough to not be "parental".
I guess that's something I missed out on: we didn't have an extended family in NZ, so it was just the nuclear family and friends. I was, however, lucky to have liberal parents and what now appears to have been some relatively awesome sex education at Intermediate school.
I remember the actual lectures and films that we got as being fairly mechanical and snigger-worthy, but we were issued books that went far beyond biology. There was a lot about foreplay, the stages of arousal, the differences in sexual response between men and women, and the way that women often like to be held, caressed and whispered sweet nothings to during the afterglow of orgasm. Overall, it was probably the most useful education I got during forms one and two, if not my entire schooling.
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More gold* from the Garth George comment-trough:
I remember sex ed when I was and there was little in the way of really learning about anatomy, the birds and the bees etc. It was more along the lines of what these people are reporting. Talking about the different things you can do and all sorts of rubbish that I just did not need to know. Especially the normalizing of deviant lifestyles.
The commenter's handle? "Godboy (Papakura)"
* where "gold" = "shit", obviously.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to BenWilson,
a blow job on the back of your motorbike
Now that's risk-taking behaviour.
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Best comment on Darth George's column? This one:
You want to go to a time when none of this happened? Better head back to before humans had self awareness. Pretty sure that was when the dinosaurs were still around. I'm sure you'll fit in nicely.
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Up Front: It's Not Sex, and It's Not Education, in reply to Rich Lock,
A bit too much subconscious oversharing, there, Garth....
Yes, just imagine it! I'm imagining it right now, and ... I'll be, as they say, in my bunk.
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You know the only thing that could make the Herald's coverage more awesome? A Garth George piece.
Excerpts of special awesomeness:
The horrific result is that thousands of our children are today finding themselves abused, impregnated or poxed because they've been taught how to do it.
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our sex education is devaluing what can be one of life's most glorious experiences. It takes no account of the emotional and spiritual dimensions of the sex act, the means by which two, a man and a woman, can become one flesh....and then there are the comments, some of which seem to have been generated by an "insane curmudgeon" bot.
What do you expect from a society that finds sodomy and buggery acceptable!
The influence of pinko-liberal do-gooders is the root cause of the ongoing decline in moral and ethical standards.Sodomy and buggery?! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.