Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: When it's Not Okay

97 Responses

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  • LegBreak,

    I thought someone had clearly had some media coaching in the interview, but it wasn’t her.

    (Just an observation)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    They're different in real life both nicer and/or more evil - Russell seems OK though

    People on the telly are often really nice in person -- either because they are nice, or in the odd case, because they just want you to like them.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22839 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I am not sure how we go about stopping it, but I do know that the courage of woman, like Dunne-Powell in speaking, can only help. If that interview starts one abused person on the path to thinking this has to stop, then that can only be good.

    It was pretty cool at the end when her partner, Morgan, used "it's not okay" in a sentence too.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22839 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    So many things to say about that interview. I was transfixed. What most shocked me - and I don't know why, because, really, if you're hitting someone that hard it's likely you've done it before - was that their relationship was obviously a violent one. As in this had been going on for quite a while. I just felt incredibly sad for her, and very angry at Veitch with all his "suicide" attempts, and so sad, as well, for DP's mum, who was hearing some of it for the first time. I hope she and her husband have a very happy life with lots of fluffy bunnies and kiddies running around - it all just made me want to hug her tight and stroke her hair, and say to her that she was doing a very good thing.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    it all just made me want to hug her tight and stroke her hair, and say to her that she was doing a very good thing.

    You're lovely, Jackie.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22839 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I've never wanted kids but people in pain make me go all maternal, is all.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    You're lovely, Jackie.

    I'll second that.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Do we have to get into a competition Sofie, cos I will win!

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • John Morrison,

    I think the saddest thing about Kristin and all the other women who are similarly 'trapped', is that they simply cannot walk away.

    To me, their self-esteem and dignity should drive them out of the relationship, but sadly, even some don't know any better than to stay.

    Cromwell • Since Nov 2006 • 85 posts Report Reply

  • DexterX,

    The legal aspects and facts of the matter were never addressed - it was weird - the reduction in charges in exchange for a guilty plea, the references, the sentence.

    I view these as enablers in that he hasn't been held to account - and for him and his kind it is a "good" outcome.

    Perhaps there is nothing like being a little bit above the rule of law that common people would be subject.

    It would have been interesting if Veitch had pre trial been remanded in custody.

    The enabling would have been less prevalent and perhaps the focus and resources would have been directed in getting the matter quickly to a hearing.

    They both appear to me to be as queer as fish and insincere.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1224 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Do we have to get into a competition Sofie, cos I will win!

    Why, yes you will dollface. There is no competition :) xxx

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Rebecca Williams,

    aha, thanks for clarifying russell. i certainly hope she's had some help in that regard (must confess i didn't watch the whole interview, i'm still finding it a bit unbearable to hear anything about that case, and when i saw it pop up on TV last night i thought, oh my god, not more about all that. selfish maybe but i tend to protect myself re what i watch on TV these days).

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 120 posts Report Reply

  • B Jones,

    I don't really care for the quotes around "trapped", John.

    To me, their self-esteem and dignity should drive them out of the relationship, but sadly, even some don't know any better than to stay.

    There are two things you're not taking into account - it's not about an absence of self-esteem or dignity. One, women in violent relationships face the most danger when they try and leave them. As a dozen or so women a year in this country find, protection orders notwithstanding. A lot of them stay because they literally fear for their lives if they leave. And two, you care for someone and you can develop a misplaced sense of responsibility for them - you're scared of what they'll do to themselves if you leave. It's unhealthy but it's a real relationship dynamic, especially in a world that holds women primarily responsible for the quality of their relationships. Which is kind of what we do when we despair at them for staying.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 976 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    It would have been interesting if Veitch had pre trial been remanded in custody.

    Yes, I think once you're inside, perception changes very quickly and it may well have been of benefit to both of them.I actually think, for anyone to abuse anyone else (in this case physical), it shows underlying issues that need dealing with immediately and that's probably why I would not smack anyone plus I think the not ok campaign is correct in finishing with it is ok to get help because as noted, many don't understand why they do what they do, they just do it.I read the paper the other day and Dune Powell stated with her marketing and other such skills, she could work with this issue.Hope she does.I also hope he gets the monumental help that he needs.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    To me, their self-esteem and dignity should drive them out of the relationship, but sadly, even some don't know any better than to stay.

    Which is precisely what she says in the section I quoted. She's an educated, professional woman -- she should have been able to walk away. But she couldn't.

    Relationships are strange and occasionally poisonous things. And they're not gendered like that: a dear male friend of mine stuck with a psychologically and physically abusive relationship (heterosexual) for years. He always thought it could work if he tried harder.

    One thing he did know that served him well: whatever his problems (and he did have some) he would never raise a hand back. But maybe that made it easier for the rest of us to think it'd be alright.

    Unsurprisingly, he was a star pupil at anger management therapy, embarking on it with remarkable good faith. It was just a little ironic that he was the one sent there.

    I feel bound to note that he's loved and happy now.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22839 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    their self-esteem and dignity should drive them out of the relationship

    That can be hard if your partner systematically works on undermining your self-esteem and dignity.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I think the saddest thing about Kristin and all the other women who are similarly 'trapped', is that they simply cannot walk away.

    To me, their self-esteem and dignity should drive them out of the relationship, but sadly, even some don't know any better than to stay

    John, the whole thing about abusers is that they are usually very manipulative people, and they work very hard to ensure that the person they are abusing feels like shit, but only when they choose for that person to feel like shit. It's a control mechanism, I believe. They subtly undermine the person they "love" by being inconsistent so that their loved one becomes more unsure of themselves. "What have I done wrong? It must be my fault." Abused people are constantly on edge. And when you are not sure of yourself, you start not to trust yourself, you start to take on the blame for what's happening to you - and then, there you are, in the middle of a relationship where the power dynamic is to the advantage of the abuser. As DP said, many people are embarrassed to be in this situation. And often they feel like it's too dangerous to leave. Thank the goddess she never had any kids with that horrible little man.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Tony Parker,

    On a related note is it just me or is the Clayton Weatherston/Sophie Elliot case just getting more and more bizarre.
    And on another slightly related note is the increased profile(Listener cover, TV programme, nationwide speaking tour) of Nigel Latta over the last week so close to the referendum a coincidence or am I just cynical and suspicious? Although he doesn't say it you get the feeling he leans towards a no vote.

    Napier • Since Nov 2008 • 232 posts Report Reply

  • Rebecca Williams,

    On a related note is it just me or is the Clayton Weatherston/Sophie Elliot case just getting more and more bizarre.

    erm, yes, i think so too. and more and more sickening. the defence is so cynical, it's quite staggering.

    And on another slightly related note is the increased profile(Listener cover, TV programme, nationwide speaking tour) of Nigel Latta over the last week so close to the referendum a coincidence or am I just cynical and suspicious? Although he doesn't say it you get the feeling he leans towards a no vote.

    he does pretty much say in that listener article that he would be voting no. bit of a mixed bag, the old latt-meister.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 120 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    erm, yes, i think so too.

    I think Prosecution have just handed him a noose today and he has shown the side they needed to expose.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    Nigel Latta? The first I ever heard of him was when he went on Sensing Murder and revealed himself as credulous and gullible. Somehow I think the Sensing Murder and Vote No demographics probably have significant overlap though.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Now, now, Stephen. I happen to think very highly of Nigel Latta. He's a very funny guy, and very knowledgable about stuff he knows about. Which is kids. Especially troubled ones. And would you find me credulous and gullible if I were to tell you that I was a fan of Sensing Murder? Probably. Ah well, I'll live.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    We all have our blind spots :D

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    But what do blind people have?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    I've oft wondered.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19728 posts Report Reply

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