Yellow Peril by Tze Ming Mok

On not wanting to know.

So, my first day back in the country, and top news story on Nightline? Don Brash’s sex life. I only have two words for the media on this one:

Please stop. Pleeeeeeeeeaase stop.

No-one wants to be forced to think about Don Brash’s sex life; it does not go well with late-night noodles.

After returning from the involuntary retching, I discovered that ...some girl on YouTube is not who she says she is! Next story: There are a lot of unwanted fish in a river! In America!

When the fish started jumping, probably because I've been away for a while, my flatmate started laughing with that desperate air of embarrassment that New Zealanders have when overseas visitors happen to catch their news broadcasts. You know the laugh. You've done it.

At the point where the killer movie sheep appeared, I muted the TV and told my flatmate about the toxic mud flooding East Java. We also discussed wages and living conditions for immigrant Poles in the UK. Then I turned off the television and went to read some real news. You know, the kind on the internet.

Going overseas really does ruin you for watching the news in New Zealand.

New Zealand journalists do admittedly make heroic efforts to fill our news day with stuff, in a country where not much happens. But you wonder whether it's worth the effort most of the time. Full of earthy Rotorua wisdom, my flatmate opined: ‘why don’t they just have less news? Why do they have to have it so many times a day? Nothing happens in this country! Or why don’t they just have international news?’

I pointed out that the fish story was from America.


> The following message was received from
> Name: Tim
> Message:
> You missed the story on the guy from Nelson searching for a stuffed Alsatian.

That's right! I knew there was something else I blanked from my consciousness...