came into the UCSA as a dreaded “adult” student with babies, 13 years as an undergrad & years spent going up and down these treacherous stairs into RDU. Along with the sound of whatever genre was in at the time the UCSA from the cafe of bribes to dodgy production studio all the hall with the clubs, this was my family’s second home. despite the architecture such a convivial space - typical that the image is sideways

thanks Russell, have read for years: but since 4/9/2010 mostly only a bewildered one foot after the other, coherent thought let alone commentary difficult, just said to my sis today that the thing about disasters is normally they happen, everything is really a bit sh1t and then you kind of start again. What feels so challenging is... where is the end?

ka pai, we have a couple of weeks away as a family to try and gain a bit of perspective - about how to best stay or leave, I have important work in Chch & ageing parents so... but who would have thought 16 months in the magnitude & number of the swarms would be such. I even bought plastic plates the other day because you no longer assume that #eqnz is done.

Will put contents of house back together on return, that will be the 5th time at least. Much is just gone or lives on the floor. I find this useful as its a tough discussion, the what to do now? & so many sad good-byes already this year.

A lot of pressure to 'leave immediately' or 'stay forever'. Took kids out in Feb to Greymouth & Nelson, when city so compromised and schools closed, if I'd had a truck, would have gone then. Then Wellington in winter after all the stuff in June, ate dim sum, admired intactness, galleries, did basic shopping & just be mundane for a bit.

All the decisions have felt so weighty & we are pretty worn by this. I think it is this distress, that makes clear thinking hard, when you still have home and work, as these are strange times in the world. I am going to watch children playing, ka kite

This is so weird - in Perth WA to get away from this fear, uncertainty & constant brokenness & now feel so sick...This will make more of our people leave. Here to drop eldest off for a gap year, so that she can get some perspective on her last year @CGHS, just so sad & complex, our youngest doesn't want to come back.

But the fab news house & fish tank once again going strong, we built for quakes ten years ago, its just our hearts that are bit broken. Our ambivalence to uncertain futures again grows, as I wonder again when does it become negligent to stay?