Posts by Greg Wood
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Yesterday, not one person I encountered had anything at all to say about the election. Nobody even started a conversation. It's almost like someone farted in polite company and everyone's hoping the smell will go away and the conversation return.
Even down here in the depths of Parnhell, the mood is not delirious. The guy behind the coffee in the cafe across the road is asking everyone "So whaddya think of the weekend's result?" -- and the answers are desultory, mumbled, and verging on disconsolate -- or is that dispassionate? The best I heard: "Well, I guess we voted for it and now we'll have to see what we voted for, eh."
Whoops.
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Cripes, that got long!
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Oh, ok, NOW I'm galvanised. And I'm worried I have too much to offer here... nevertheless!
I've ridden a bike as (variously) a long-distance commuter / dawdling drunkard / bike messenger / dad taking 2-y-o to playground / bmx street freestyler, in a truckload of cities from Auckland to Tokyo to Singapore to London and back, including all sorts of other urbanised spaces like outskirt Hanoi and the French Riviera.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be able to, and still would LOVE to ride over/under the Harbour Bridge, and keenly remember the difficult to find, unreliable, confusing and flow-breaking Bridge Van as being really not usable (car ferry vs bridge is a useful comparison).
A bus with hooks that did loops would be cool -- an INTEGRATED bus that wasn't some kind of "cyclists are pariahs" ghettoising signal would be even better.
You see, it's not about "getting across the harbour" -- ferries are more fun for the theatre of the journey -- and I wouldn't use it every day by any means, but knowing it was there, and that the city cared about moving ahead with transport options beyond cars, would do more for my desire to stay here than would John Key's lower taxes. Adding the 'Bridge crossing is, as David implies, more about vision and being a great city and less about pandering to te few.
Anyway. Cycling in Auckland has way more problems than a lack of Harbour Bridge crossing:
Auckland weather is too random. Three showers from a sunny sky on the way from Westmere to Parnell? Bah!
There are loads of hills and ridges. Shots of thousands of everyday people riding around Copenhagen or Amsterdam on granny bikes *do not* apply to Auckland. Try the shortest distance from Westmere to Parnell, either direction: Richmond up to Ponsonby; Franklin Rd to Vic Park; Victoria St over Nelson down to Queen up to Waterloo Quadrant down to Stanley up to Parnell Rd - what a rollercoaster!
Auckland is a young suburban city built around the car. Suburban distances between private dwellings and local amenities are car distances, not people on foot distances. Comparisons with old village based Tokyo / London do not apply.
There are a dumpload of drivers who are really are angry, and undereducated about how to co-exist with bikes. I've told friends new to the idea that they should not start riding now if they haven't been riding for 15 years and are prepared to do battle. Adding badly designed and sited cycle lanes only makes it worse. (That's a very nanny-state thing to do: ride on this green bit and you will be protected by a forcefield. Um, no.)
And the comment about natural selection of cyclists down to only the craziest, most defensive, most scuttling-cockroach-minded of the lot is spot on. I am one, I fear!
Hm. Rant most definitely not over. Damn. Agitated now...
PS: As a teenager in South Auckland me and my mates used the New Mangere Bridge cycleway most weekends. It was a sewer: glass, graffiti, human poo, burnt mattresses. But it was fun, and it worked, and it was easy, and the old bridge was an alternative. Certainly no waiting half an hour for the looping bus...
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Killer post, David. We try to explain this kinda thing aaaaallllllllllll the time, and this is a great summation.
But... calling the client / perpetrator directly to ask them a question... isn't that illegal or something?
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...and in a completely separate comment, I recall how I watched the last election results from Singapore with extraordinary nervousness. Two specific points:
1. For once, could we have a vote FOR a freaking government, rather than a vote for anyone-but-the-incumbent?
I guess all it would require is for the incumbent or the challenger to develop a comprehensive, clearly articulated, positive vision, showing the way for many many years to come. Result = understanding of the reasons for government, and a vote for them, rather than vote against incumbent. Snort. As if. Instead it's non-stop personality cults. I mean, as if John Key is going to run the show!
Which leads me to:
2. Once again I fear a seemingly friendly/approachable figurehead shadowing a complex and aggressive right-wing business plot. If that's the plan, then just tell us and tell us why, and if it's a good idea and the results take a country from 3rd world to 1st inside a generation - like Singapore - then you'll get your votes.
Might take a bit of state policing to see it all through, though.
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This will be interesting. One of the key roles of a good PR company is crisis management... and the Sunday paper leak about it being "them again" will be one of their top three crises to manage. Unless, of course, Crosby Stills Nash and Textor have such a high opinion of themselves that this hasn't occurred to them as being a problem. Or even better, perhaps C/T see this as part of their own PR work...? Getting your firm's name on the front page on a rainy weekend -- nefarious skillz!
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I have to say wah lauh eh, woe and bugger, and thanks, and extraordinary amounts of totally non-ironic "you go girl" etc.
Many, many were the times I stood on a bus in Singabore, hungover, confused, lonely and hot, reading Yellow Peril on the WAP and trying to click my head into the being-yourself-in-a-different culture thing... only to be floored by your killer prose and frankly stunning argumentation whatever the topic. I've been writing all my life but still felt like a dweeb with cro-magnon language skillz every time I pulled YP up. Still though - it kicked me in the arse each time, encouraged my debate thinking, and more often than not got me off the bus at the other end in a totally different frame of mind, and often with a new word as well.
Tze Ming, your style, wit and sheer strength are rare and to be admired. To meet you the one time at Russell's and be able to say thanks was a real treat.
May your guerilla belligerence and desire for real food be set free to roam at will, causing and sating tummy-rumbles aplenty.
Meantime, guest posts on girly things, Helvetian noodles and cats would be most welcome, I'd say.
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Interesting approach, but then they go and fsck it up at the end there by dropping in the sound of a pipefull crinkling up - is it just me or does anyone else think that incredibly sexy and desirable iconic wee crinkly piece of sound is behaviour triggering?! I mean, imagine a "cut out yer drinking" ad with the sound of a crisply cool can of beer being opened at the end... mmm... beer...
Anyone...?!
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Fingers crossed I'll be in town for the night! Otherwise I'm gonna flog my ticket on trademe for HUNDREDS. All proceeds to Russell, bien sur.
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While researching the earlier Muppets / Finns / Giants story, it became clear that the early nineties were rather troubled years for the Brothers. Facing a grunge lahar, our chiming chord-ridden late-eighties wunderkind were forced to resort to all manner of collaboration to remake themselves famous. In one such example, at around the same time that Neil was diagnosed with guitar-induced OOS, choirboy Norman Cook developed a bizarre obsession with charting in New Zealand. A management decision resulted in Crowded Housemartins -- a less than successful, yet still strangely compelling acapella tag-team. This rare album of surprisingly highly strung songs -- including Your Caravan Of Love Better Be Home Soon and the goose-pimply delicate He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Finn Brother (more than a foreshadowing of the post-__House__ fraternal hookup, it's also a sweet reference to Tim’s Elvis Years) – is especially remarkable for the final crescendo during the last five seconds of I Feel Possessed By The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death, reliably rumoured to be the last sound ever to come out of Norman Cook’s mouth prior to his reincarnation seven years later as Fat Boy Slim.
Coming up next: in-depth analysis of the failed Crowded Beach House experiment, when Neil was locked in at Karekare with a pre-recovery Brian Wilson, an 808, and two toitoi feathers.