Posts by Emma Hart
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are there places or societies around the world where you're less likely to be harassed if you're a woman or where you're safer?
I'm going to go way back to something Tess said on page one:
I only realised how wonderful and safe our university social group was as I have gotten older and seen a wider slice of life. Women could dress as they chose and if there was unwanted attention it was stomped on hard and fast. The fault of unwanted attention is soley on the person giving it.
We had a little sub-culture where women were almost NEVER harassed. When it did happen, the perpetrators were (figuratively) slapped down hard and fast - and that wasn't considered the responsibility of the person on the receiving end, but of everyone who witnessed it. Think about the other people on Megan's ferry, or in Deborah's church.
And the women dressed as they damn well pleased, often in ways that would apparently give Rebecca MacFie a heart attack.It worked I think in part because it wasn't considered okay to blame the women.
It was very different from the Kiwi culture I had come from in my teenage years, where you didn't mess with someone else's missus, but other women were pretty much fair game.
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Using the toilets later, someone else grabbed my crotch and ran off snickering.
Did you get it back?
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Dude, we're up on Ward 28 if you do get called in. Expected time for me to be sitting in this chair in the lounge waiting to see the dr: 20 minutes to three hours.
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Stephen - don't threaten people.
Oh, he's not threatening you. I mean, it only matters if he feels like he's threatening you. Whether or not you feel threatened is irrelevant. I mean, you might just be over-anxious, or a prude.
On a lighter note, perhaps this, which is only tangentially-related, but funny.
Male customer: “So can I have your number?”
Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”
Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”
Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”
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Actually I find it very bravest of commetators to be those who would like to assume a lady's virtue to be unquestionable. How Victorian-era stupid is that?
Not even a teeny tiny little bit. Just being in the wrong place would be enough to ruin a Victorian lady's virtue (I say lady because this concept only applies to the upper and middle classes), she wouldn't have to actually do anything. Far from unquestionable, 'virtue' was a fragile concept and could be damaged through no fault of the woman's. Try reading Lady Windermere's Fan.
It seems intuitive that if a young woman wears skimpy clothes as in the picture in the Listener that she will be more vulnerable to unwanted male attention.
It does seem intuitive. But that doesn't make it true, and it isn't. If everyone could accept that, I think we'd be a lot further on - on this thread, and as a society.
But in the absence of any 'inches of revealed cleavage vs incidences of sexual harassment' league table, it seems to me that the people with the firmest grasp on what happens to women depending on how they're dressed would be... women. And as a general point of netiquette, I think that whenever you find yourself arguing against a particular 'group' about what happens to that group, when it's a group you don't belong to, it might be time to inhale for a minute and just listen.
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How on Earth does "Do I have the right to pull the tiger's tail? Would it be wise to do so?" ,turn into she asked for it??? Different wavelength I am afraid.
Because pulling a tiger's tail is performing a deliberate action which directly provokes a tiger, You're equating that with simply being in a particular, public, place, dressed in a particular way. You're saying wearing particular clothes is performing an action which directly provokes an attacker. Can you see how that becomes 'she was asking for it'?
You say it shouldn't be.
I'm saying, and several of us are saying, over and over again, not that what you wear shouldn't make a difference to your chances of being harassed, but that it doesn't.
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C'mon - we've got to draw the lion somewhere.
Just above my right breast.
It's not really like a needle, like a hypodermic needle. It's more like a sewing machine. That's not helping, is it? But Naith is lovely. What are you doing Saturday?
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Yes, it's amazing how we've managed to burn off 22 pages refusing to have a debate.
Jack, it's a statue of a recumbent lion (the lion in Trafalgar Square, specifically), with the ISBN for my forthcoming book on its plinth. I figured that between them, publication and brain surgery were enough justification to spoil myself.
So yeah, you guys have to buy enough books to pay for the tattoo, okay?
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I hope I win a bottle of something alcoholic as a prize, which I can drink irresponsibly in public while wearing a low-cut top and high heels.)
I believe Megan and I have the event for you...
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is it an outpatient stylee visit or is it more 'residential'?
Yeah, it's a week inside for brain surgery. I really must get that column written.
It does kind of tie in, though. It's going to involve shaving a large portion of my skull, and I was surprised at how much the idea of having no hair upsets me. I've never worried much about my weight or wearing glasses or whether my clothes were trendy, but being bald? Yeah.