Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Something Chronic

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  • Islander,

    my mum- back in ancient times- had four kids under 5...then she discovered prophylactics. There was quite a gap before #5 happened along - and the only baby she truly planned on was #6. (My father died not long after.)
    Geez, the sister next to me taught the littlies to eat coal! (I only erm mentioned the edibility of worms...)

    *Watch out for older siblings! Evolution is at work here!*

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    I'm thinking, like a complete idiot. I have clearly failed to internalise the concept of "quitting while ahead".

    If we didn't have this urge then none of us would ever be born. Having said that, if I had a baby like Bob, I'd be seriously tempted to enjoy him all to myself for the next couple of years, at least. That boy of yours is simply delicious. He's someone I look forward to meeting, very much.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I think this is what is meant by natural selection. If not for a naturally occurring selective memory, the species would be doomed.

    LOL <gag>. You made me take my breakfast the wrong way, and now it's on the floor. Fortunately, these days, we have a 11 month old vacuum cleaner.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Have second child arriving approx 6 weeks from now and I have to say Ben you are not selling it to me.

    Bit late to take it all back, for both of us! But I could mention the upsides - two are twice as beautiful and wonderful as one, that much is definitely true, as you'll know in 6 weeks. It's just beauty and wonder that comes with a couple of years hard labor.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I think I was very lucky kidswise. Number one was high needs enough enough that almost everything number two could throw at me seemed like a walk in the park but not quite difficult enough to put me off completely (though we did opt for about 18months bigger gap than originally planned).

    I really feel for those people (of whom I know several) who get a very placid bub first time and are so thrilled that they rush into another pregnancy mere months later only to be hit by a howling horror the second time around.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Timely tweet from the awesome fake folk at BPGlobalPR:

    Yes, we disabled the alarms on the Deepwater Horizon. Oh, like you've never hit the snooze button? http://ow.ly/2fQ6x

    The linked Guardian story reports:

    Williams said he discovered that the physical alarm system had been disabled a full year before the disaster. When he asked why, he said he was told that the view from even the most senior Transocean official on the rig had been that "they did not want people woken up at three o'clock in the morning due to false alarms".

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Jolisa,

    I really feel for those people (of whom I know several) who get a very placid bub first time and are so thrilled that they rush into another pregnancy mere months later only to be hit by a howling horror the second time around.

    Ah yes, the phenomenon that a friend of mine dubbed "the sucker baby."

    Auckland, NZ • Since Nov 2006 • 1472 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Fortunately, these days, we have a 11 month old vacuum cleaner.

    You just reminded me of when our dining table was over carpet, for years 2 - 4 of the twins learning to eat. We just gave up and put a tarpaulin down. Definitely one of our more socially challenged periods. "Don't mind the drop sheet. We shake it out once a week, whether it needs it or not".

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Rosie Thomas,

    I've arrived late to this thread- hopefully people are still reading it! I've had CFS for 25 years and relate to so much of what has been said here. I got it as an aftermath of a virus I caught while I was at university. I've never really got any better, and getting older is not helping either...

    Just wondering if anyone here has any tips on dealing with WINZ. I am in an abusive marriage that I really want to leave. It has been abusive for a long time, but I have been unable to work so therefore unable to leave... WINZ is a scary throught but I am now willing to take my chances with them rather than stay in this marriage.

    I haven't seen a doctor about my CFS for a very long time- I gave up on the medical profession years ago.

    I would appreciate any advice- I just don't know how to go about getting financial help when I am crippled by something I cannot prove I have and many doctors don't believe exists anyway.

    Since Jul 2010 • 1 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    Rosie, would you put up your email address so people can talk to you privately, or is there an issue with nosy spouses?

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    And also, where do you live? If you live in South Auckland, I have some contacts that would be happy to help you out.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    WINZ is a scary throught but I am now willing to take my chances with them rather than stay in this marriage.

    I haven't seen a doctor about my CFS for a very long time- I gave up on the medical profession years ago.

    Hi, Rosie. If you go to WINZ first, they will send you to a doctor for assessment and to fill in the paperwork. You'll probably have an easier time if you go and see a doctor of your own choosing first - people here know ones that are sympathetic, but of course it depends where you live. If you find one that specialises in CFS, they may also have experience in dealing with WINZ.

    I'd suggest you email either me or Jackie - from a web-based mail site like gmail if privacy is a concern - and we can co-ordinate contacts from there in private.

    ETA: Women's Refuge also has a benefit advocacy service.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    good thinking, Emma

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Rosie, you can contact Emma via this web form:

    http://publicaddress.net/contact,upfront.sm

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Speaking of Women's Refuge - it's annual appeal week and they can use the help.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • webweaver,

    This year, the Women's Refuge annual appeal highlights psychological abuse and the lasting impact this has on the women and children they work with.

    From the website:

    People recognise physical abuse because there is something to see. Psychological abuse is far more sinister and far more prevalent. We know that 90% of the women we work with are dealing with psychological abuse. Physical abuse destroys the body, psychological abuse destroys the soul. This year we want to encourage New Zealanders to think about how it feels to be constantly living in fear of your partner. Our new campaign will give them the opportunity to do that.

    1 in 3 NZ women need your help.
    Because living in fear, isn't living.

    Saatchi's have created a viral activity (I can't call it a "game" because that would imply fun and this subject isn't remotely fun) which you can partake in here - Living in Fear - it's really quite effective - and it's accompanied by a bunch of posters that are really rather disturbing. You can see large versions by clicking on the thumbnails on the Women's Refuge homepage.

    Please make a donation if you can. Women's Refuge is the only national domestic violence organisation to offer a 24/7 service, and they take 1 crisis call every 9 minutes.

    If you need help, you can call them any time on 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843) - and if you'd like to make a $20 donation by phone, you can call 0900 REFUGE (0900 733 843). Alternatively you can donate online as Gio mentioned above.

    Thank you.

    Oh - and if you like Anika Moa, she's doing a TradeMe auction of the ultimate Anika Moa fan collection - she's calling it the Anika Moa Life Pass and all proceeds go to Women's Refuge. Bidding ends tomorrow (Sunday 25th) at 9pm.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 332 posts Report Reply

  • Heather from Auckland,

    Rosie, I don't know where in NZ you are, but three GPs in Auckland who are sympathetic to CFS and familiar with WINZ are:

    Dr. Siobhan Latham
    Avondale Health Centre
    39 Layard Street
    (cnr St Jude St)
    Avondale
    PO Box 19-109
    Auckland
    Phone:
    (09) 828 2066

    Dr. Roger Parr
    Mt. Wellington Medical Centre
    Phone (09) 579 6953
    350 Ellerslie Panmure Highway
    Mt Wellington
    Auckland 1060

    Dr. Ros Vallings
    Howick Health and Medical Centre
    108 Ridge Rd
    Howick.
    Ph 534 3978
    Fax 5373672

    I have seen each of these doctors at diffent times in the last seven years when I've lived in different parts of the city.

    Also, if you want to contact Women's Refuge, they have a thing on their website where it makes it that no one can see that you've been there when they check your computer's browsing history.

    Auckland • Since Jul 2010 • 5 posts Report Reply

  • Julie Fairey,

    I too have seen Ros Vallings and strongly recommend her. If you are outside Akl you could ring one of these doctors and ask them to recommend someone in your area, if you can manage to do the toll call? Good luck and best wishes.

    Puketapapa Mt Roskill, AK… • Since Dec 2007 • 234 posts Report Reply

  • 3410,

    Rosie,
    Overall, I'd recommend getting some advocacy help, as mentioned above, if you feel you need it.

    That said, don't worry too much about dealing with WINZ (that in itself will make you sick). Mostly, the people there are pretty fair. If you strike a bad one, you can always insist on seeing the manager to get it resolved.

    Consider checking the WINZ website and reading up on the different allowances, etc., to see what you are eligible for. You can't necessarily rely on them telling you (for instance, ongoing medical expenses - if any - should be covered).

    Good luck.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    with baby 1 if they drop something you sterilize it before letting them at it again

    with baby 2 you run it under hot water

    with baby 3 you get the dog to lick it clean

    A friend who had their first baby about 8 months ago posted on facebook asking if their friends washed all their toys weekly with bleach, or just hot water.

    I was astounded by the number of responses (almost all north american I think) saying that they washed with bleach regularly because the toys went in the kids mouth, and they might share with other kids.

    It was quite bizarre. I'm not sure if I ever washed my kids toys, maybe if they got actual dirt on them I would have.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    after bathing at Bacterias...
    and other sleeper cells!

    I was astounded by the number of responses (almost all north american I think) saying that they washed with bleach regularly because the toys went in the kids mouth, and they might share with other kids.

    I wonder if there might be a causal link here to the acknowledged US obesity epidemic...
    insomuch as these kids are perhaps not getting a
    full complement (or repertoire) of bacteria and
    gut fauna that would normally chow down on,
    or break down, unwanted dietary inputs?

    just putting it out there...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I was astounded by the number of responses (almost all north american I think) saying that they washed with bleach regularly because the toys went in the kids mouth, and they might share with other kids.

    Excellent way to ensure that your children grow up ingesting trace amounts of bleach though.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    insomuch as these kids are perhaps not getting a
    full complement (or repertoire) of bacteria and
    gut fauna that would normally chow down on,
    or break down, unwanted dietary inputs?

    It is indeed verily villi that is putting the stomach all to shot.

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    another shaggy hair story given the finger...

    It is indeed verily villi that is putting the stomach all to shot.

    these embryonic folds are our intestinal servants,
    this valet vilification and spin must be put to rest

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • recordari,

    Game, set, and match ;-)

    AUCKLAND • Since Dec 2009 • 2607 posts Report Reply

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