Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Hellfire's a Promise Away

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  • Eddie Clark,

    Happy anniversary.

    And on the less important point, many thanks for responding to my request! I have joined.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 273 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    Happy anniversary! I don't think your man needs tax-deductibility to make him cooler; merely setting up a wireless network while looking after children qualifies him for godhood, let alone the rest of it. (Then again, the children probably don't run around unfixing the network as fast as it's fixed, either.)

    When she was planning her future family she said, "I'll need a boy. I'll probably get one of those at university".

    That was pretty much my plan throughout adolescence, being far too busy at the time to pay actual attention to the opposite gender (and likewise busy repressing any attraction to the same one.) It still surprises me that it actually worked.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >I thought so too but immediately on reading who he was, remembered the very beautiful Maid Marion...

    Now you mention it, she was pretty damned gorgeous. What I remembered, when I found out what Michael Praed was in, was a shot of Will Scarlet, played by Ray Winstone, climbing up a ruined castle’s wall. Because of where the camera was, Will Scarlet was revealed to be wearing a pair of Doctor Martin’s boots, generally considered by those archaeological circles to have been rather rare in Medieval Sherwood.

    That, and how I had to hive off to the spare room to watch it on the old telly, because if I tried watching it in the lounge my Dad would wander through singing the theme song to the old Robin Hood series:
    “Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
    Riding thorough the glen,
    Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
    And his Merry Men…”

    Which was a tune that Clannard, oddly, didn’t go with for their album.

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    That, and how I had to hive off to the spare room to watch it on the old telly, because if I tried watching it in the lounge my Dad would wander through singing the theme song to the old Robin Hood series:

    Trivia alert!

    The Adventures of Robin Hood was the first programme to screen on New Zealand television, on June 1, 1960.

    It'll come up in a pub quiz one day ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22849 posts Report Reply

  • Dave Patrick,

    “Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
    Riding thorough the glen,

    I see your Robin Hood and raise you a Dennis Moore
    "Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
    Riding through the sward
    Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
    With his horse Concord
    he steals from the poor and gives to the rich
    Silly bitch, silly bitch"

    Rangiora, Te Wai Pounamu • Since Nov 2006 • 261 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    What I remembered, when I found out what Michael Praed was in, was a shot of Will Scarlet, played by Ray Winstone, climbing up a ruined castle’s wall. Because of where the camera was, Will Scarlet was revealed to be wearing a pair of Doctor Martin’s boots

    I remember that, vividly. He swings his leg over the parapet,and you see the entire sole of the boot, complete with very obvious branding.

    When she was planning her future family she said, "I'll need a boy. I'll probably get one of those at university".

    That was pretty much my plan throughout adolescence

    My plan for uni was slightly more complicated: find a rich boy doing law or commerce or something and marry him. His infatuation with my skill base would make him perfectly happy to work to support me so I could sit home and write books.

    Fortunately for everyone, the two handsome men from 'good' families I tried dating were both jerks.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Kebabette,

    Happy universary.

    Coincidentally my man resembles Guy of Gisborne (who I thought was just the bee's knees - and the actor Robert Addie I think without googling was also the grown up Mordred in my all time favourite movie Excalibur).

    Hooray for Robin of Sherwood.

    Christchurch • Since Feb 2007 • 221 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >I see your Robin Hood and raise you a Dennis Moore

    Oh, a game of spot that reference!

    Monty Python.

    Do I win?

    >Fortunately for everyone, the two handsome men from 'good' families I tried dating were both jerks.

    You know, the funny thing about university for me, was the time that it took apparently intelligent and attractive young women to spot they were going out with complete dickheads.

    Mind you, this failure of taste it might have only been obvious to me. On reflection, I was probably sad and bitter about this failure of taste for, oh, at least my under-grad degree. You see, my plan to meet a young woman at university seemed to be stymed at every turn by women determined to make the fore-mentioned dickheads into something that wasn't an immature jerk.

    These schemes generally didn't work.

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Dave Patrick,

    Do I win?

    You win today's star prize, the blow on the head.

    And attractive and intelligent women dating dickheads wasn't unique to university, I used to think most women were dating dickheads (was primarily because they weren't dating me). The thought that quite possibly I was a dickhead at that age didn't occur to me until much later......

    Rangiora, Te Wai Pounamu • Since Nov 2006 • 261 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Fortunately for everyone, the two handsome men from 'good' families I tried dating were both jerks.

    Probably not so fortunate for them, or their families.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    You know, the funny thing about university for me, was the time that it took apparently intelligent and attractive young women to spot they were going out with complete dickheads.

    To be fair, it wasn't just the women who seemed unable to spot the dickness of their partners. I may say this partially because my friends adopted the word 'prat' to mean 'anyone who's seen Emma naked'.

    Roses and a Merc do go a long way with a girl who's used to motorbikes and being hit round the face.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    The best Robin Hood-related story I know is one that I heard a few years back when I was playing a villager/merry man (same costume, different coloured tights) in a panto. Maid Marion swore blind she'd been at this wedding. This was about, oh, 1991-92 or so. You may recall some Robin Hood-related media activity at that time, complete with Annoying Song That Stayed In The Charts For Ages. Anyway. A friend of hers was getting married, and decided that she'd like to walk into the church to the tune of that bloody awful song. So she asked the DJ, "can you play that song from Robin Hood?" "Yes, but are you sure?" came the reply. "Of course!" Come the wedding day, bride is about to walk into the church, father of bride gives the nod to the DJ to start the record. And lo! Out it blares! "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the Glen..[etc]". Bride is forced to break into a near-trot to keep pace, hilarity ensues, and the world is saved from another dose of bloody Bryan Adams.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >The thought that quite possibly I was a dickhead at that age didn't occur to me until much later......

    True. It was relatively late in my university career that I realised that my tactic for attracting woman by being all masculine, mysterious, and silent near a woman I fancied actually didn't work. It would have worked if I had looked like Michael Praed, but I was a bit shorter than he, and saddled with a fair-haired, and freckled boy next-door look. That tactic worked out to be an invitation for a woman to ignore the short chap with a tendency to burn who had some sort of chip on his shoulder.

    Turned out, copious conversation, some jokes, and the general demeanour of being pleased to be in the company of the woman did work. It worked to such a degree that girls even ignored my vehicle of the time, an Austin Allegro.

    Who could have guessed?

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >To be fair, it wasn't just the women who seemed unable to spot the dickness of their partners.

    Completely true: some of my mate's girlfriends were just dreadful, and as were (eventually) some of mine...

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Completely true: some of my mate's girlfriends were just dreadful, and as were (eventually) some of mine...

    There really should be some sort of warning system...

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    There really should be some sort of warning system...

    I was a really, really terrible girlfriend a couple of times myself.

    OTOH, we had this friend who used to get his female mates to go up to new girls at parties and say 'See that guy? Stay away from him'. Worked like a charm.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >'See that guy? Stay away from him'. Worked like a charm.

    I bet you he was good looking to begin with.

    That tactic can only work if the chap was good looking to begin with, and he had at least a halfway decent follow-through in conversation. If the bloke trying it was not that good looking the girls simply would stay away.

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    OTOH, we had this friend who used to get his female mates to go up to new girls at parties and say 'See that guy? Stay away from him'. Worked like a charm.

    I have friends that do that, but they're just being honest. And I only find out about it later.

    Of course, a woman would have to sit on my lap for me to know that she was flirting with me, so maybe it's been working despite them and I'm just completely unaware.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    I think it makes a kind of sense to date a few dickheads during the undergraduate years. By the time you are actually ready to settle down there's a chance that experience has taught you a few bitter lessons and the sweet, dependable, non-dangerous guys will seem more like a refreshing change.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Public Servant on a tea-break.,

    >I think it makes a kind of sense to date a few dickheads during the undergraduate years. By the time you are actually ready to settle down there's a chance that experience has taught you a few bitter lessons and the sweet, dependable, non-dangerous guys will seem more like a refreshing change.

    And that is how I met my wife! Or so she assures me...

    Wellington • Since Apr 2008 • 67 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    The Adventures of Robin Hood was the first programme to screen on New Zealand television, on June 1, 1960.
    It'll come up in a pub quiz one day ...

    I am only slightly disturbed by the fact that I knew that...

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 830 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Grigg,

    I am only slightly disturbed by the fact that I knew that...

    I'm even more disturbed by the fact I can remember that.

    Just another klong... • Since Nov 2006 • 3283 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    >'See that guy? Stay away from him'. Worked like a charm.

    I bet you he was good looking to begin with.

    I know he reads here, so I feel very odd about replying to that. It did give him a tangeable air of Dangerous Bastard. To be fair, he also was a bit of a Dangerous Bastard.

    I think it makes a kind of sense to date a few dickheads during the undergraduate years. By the time you are actually ready to settle down there's a chance that experience has taught you a few bitter lessons and the sweet, dependable, non-dangerous guys will seem more like a refreshing change.

    That's the theory I've worked on. Then I tell people that I'd really like my kids to, well, sleep around a bit first before they settle down. The Horror.

    Of course, a woman would have to sit on my lap for me to know that she was flirting with me

    Assumptions. I've licked aerosol chocolate mousse off a guy's chest and not been flirting with him. I guess context is everything.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

  • FletcherB,

    I've licked aerosol chocolate mousse off a guy's chest and not been flirting with him

    You were just hungry then?

    West Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 893 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    You were just hungry then?

    Erm, it was more in the nature of... ceremony? Like taking communion.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report Reply

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