Random Play by Graham Reid


Sideslap: 5 Years And Mounting

Unemployed of Titirangi has an amusing story: “Last month my wife and I invited my boss and his partner over to dinner, and we went to a great deal of trouble over the meal because he and I hadn’t been hitting it off in the past year. We had a lovely evening although over dessert one of the nagging issues between us came up and conversation became a wee bit heated. But it all calmed down and I made coffee for them, which neither my wife and I drink. They seemed to take an awfully long time to drink it and were obviously uncomfortable about something, and they left shortly afterwards. Imagine our surprise and amusement when we realised later that instead of putting out the sugar for them I had put out the salt!”

Mary of Mt Eden: “Many, many years ago -- just after the war in fact -- my husband and I were driving down the East Coast of the North Island on a Christmas holiday which very lovely. One afternoon we rounded a corner to see a quaint old Maori man picking up a dead opossum off the roadside. We stopped and asked him what he was doing and he said he was taking it home for what he called ‘a feed‘. We all laughed at his silliness and natural sense of humour. But you know, ever since I have wondered if some of these people who complain about the prices in supermarkets hadn’t thought of finding their own food, just as this clever little coloured man was doing.”

And this from Dave who responds to a comment earlier in the week: “June should know that the sign she saw on the front the Pt Chevalier bus which read ‘Not in Service’ is very common these days and it is one that revolves. The first part reads ‘Sorry‘ -- so June need not be worried about declining standards of public politeness.”

Dancing with the Stars: Former Silver Fern, TV presenter, alopecia sufferer, happily married woman, and weight loss queen April Ieremia has taken her being bumped off Dancing With The Stars in good spirits. April has told friends that in many ways it was good thing as it would allow her to do “a quickstep” to a woman’s magazine and tell her inside story before any of the other contestants. Meanwhile Michael Laws is denying the rumours. “Not true, not a word,” he told Sideslap last night.

Roger asks why it is that helicopters are allowed to fly over Eden Park just before big games there: “Don’t these people take into account the effect on the carbon cycle that their actions are causing? The same goes for those who take buses, cars and taxis to the grounds. Shouldn’t the Rugby Union insist all patrons walk or cycle to the grounds, anything less is utterly irresponsible in these days of global warning.”

Dianne from Herald Island has a recipe for happiness in a marriage: “One cup of understanding, two cups of love, a splash of humour and season with forgiveness.”

News of Weird America: A man in Glaucoma, Florida was arrested yesterday when his pet alligator ate a neighbour’s poodle. A passing veterinarian saw the incident, shot the ‘gator with a tranquilliser gun he was carrying, quickly cut open the two-metre long animal, pulled out the poodle and returned it to its owner. The ‘gator’s owner was charged with failure to keep the animal under control. Unfortunately the poodle looked like chopped liver and its owner had a heart attack and died on the spot. The vet however has been hailed as hero and said to the local paper, “I’m glad everyone managed to see the funny side”.

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