Island Life by David Slack


Presidents Day

Entertaining as last year's "Yo, Blair!" exchange proved to be - if only for its banality and the dismal confirmation, if any were needed, that Dubya is not up to much as a global statesman - it seems there may have been a little shading left out of that portrait.

According to this review of an Ariel Sharon biography by Uri Dan, the leader of the free world is contemplating an extraordinary rendition of a somewhat extra-constitutional character if they ever bring in Osama for a hangin'.

Speaking of George Bush, with whom Sharon developed a very close relationship, Uri Dan recalls that Sharon's delicacy made him reluctant to repeat what the president had told him when they discussed Osama bin Laden. Finally he relented. And here is what the leader of the Western world, valiant warrior in the battle of cultures, promised to do to bin Laden if he caught him: "I will screw him in the ass!"

I wonder if he would consider donning his flying costume and performing the ceremony under a banner on an aircraft carrier. Dude, I would totally flick over from a Britney Spears special to watch that.

The book itself sounds worth a look. Everything in the Middle East is dismal, and a pessimist such as Dan is never proven wrong. Assume the worst, and you will probably be on the money:

Dan reveals a little and conceals much when he hints that Arafat's death was not caused by any illness. He himself suggested to Sharon that Arafat be captured and brought to trial in Jerusalem, like Eichmann, but Sharon reassured him that he was dealing with the problem in his own way. Then Arafat fell ill, was flown to Paris for treatment and died. Was Sharon involved? This is what Dan wrote then in Maariv that in the history books prime minister Ariel Sharon will be remembered as the man who eliminated Yasser Arafat without killing him. Let every reader figure it out for himself.

Say what you want about Helen, the most she's likely to do to you is feed you to the press. If you're lucky, you'll even get tiling leave.

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