Island Life by David Slack

Don't know where, don't know when

One of my favourite features in Private Eye is Poetry Corner.

It presents a touching little verse offering good wishes and a fond farewell to someone retired, deceased, fired, incarcerated or otherwise passing by one of life's great milestones.

It's always seemed a shame to me that we didn't have something of the same kind here, and so I thought I might inaugurate an example of the form right here on Public Address.

It's a standing offer: whenever anyone goes out in a blaze of glory, if you feel minded to contribute a little verse to mark their passing, I'll happily run it here. Good ones will get a copy of one of my books or a CD or some other kind of small treat. Judge's decision will be final, and the whole exercise will be conducted on an entirely arbitrary basis etc etc.

I mention this all now because an election inevitably has its casualties: unseated MPs, deposed leaders, heartfelt promises sacrificed on the altar of expedience, carefully burnished reputations trashed in a single petulant moment on national telly, and much more besides.

So what caught your eye this election? Who's gone overnight from rooster to feather duster, hero to zero, great white hope to wiped out punk on dope? Right leaning, left leaning, I'll happily run anything that fits the bill.

You can see proper examples of the form at Private Eye, but to give you an idea, this is the kind of style I'm looking for. It always begins with the immortal words" So. Farewell then". For example:

Dr. Brash

You had all
Your coalition
For breakfast but

Your caucus
Still hungry.

Barry says
It will be
Gerry for
Morning tea.

Don by lunchtime.

That kind of thing. You positively outdid yourselves with the Haiku contest, so feel free to be as colourful and brutal as you like. David Farrar, I draw this to your particular attention and warmly welcome your contributions.