Island Life by David Slack


Difficult to swallow

Poor Peter Dunne. Even his scandals sound dull. But wait! Just as your eyelids are falling, a certain pair of names make it all interesting.

On Saturday, The Dominion Post told us,

Mr Meurant, who had worked for Mr Vela, brokered donations to NZ First and later worked as an adviser to party leader Winston Peters.
While there, Mr Meurant offered Mr Vela the opportunity to help frame friendly policy in areas in which Mr Vela has business interests.
Mr Meurant wrote a report for Mr Vela at the end of September 1999 - two months out from the general election - in which he suggested donating $5000 to Mr Dunne's party.

I have been a fast fan of Ross Meurant since the winter of 1981. Everywhere you turned, politicians and protestors and Ces Blazey were just full of waffle and blah blah blah. Human rights blah blah. Amandla blah blah Mandela. Blah blah too busy dating my wife but a par thide is wrong.

Christ it was tedious. Waffle and wittering. But not from the leader of the Red Squad. Move Move Move he said. How true.

How I yearned for such a strongman to enter politics. My wish came true on May 20 1987. The national party met in Daragaville and chose Ross Meurant as their candidate. I was so giddy with the thought of it that I had to leave the town in an ambulance.

Naturally he was far too good for those gutless wonders in Parliament. He did some undersecretary work, but before long he walked, and that was the end of a short but brilliant career.

He wrote a book. The ending was without parallel. Quite the best I've ever read.

He recalled how the Italians had finally turned on Mussolini by stringing him up by his feet, hanging him from a steel girder and stuffing his mouth with his testicles. "Keep your eye out for a spare steel girder," he concluded cryptically.

If I were the Velas, belting about the country in a sleek, swift helicopter, I daresay I could be picky about my political friends. I could go for the very best money could buy. I could hook up with a straight talker who wouldn't put me crook.

If you want to get amongst the politicians, you need to know how to take care of yourself. You don't want to end up with anyone's testicles stuffed in your mouth.

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