Field Theory by Hadyn Green


Those Jamaican Yams

After we watched Usain Bolt jack-up the 100m record Amy turned to me and asked "if you could run that fast what would you do?" "What do you mean?" "Like you could just taunt a tiger and then run away", her eyes focussed off in the distance with the thought of that much power.

That fact that Bolt still looks like he's jogging when he's travelling that fast only increases the appearance of superheroic abilities. And on the line he's still giggling and mugging for the camera. In fact he's already saying he could run a 9.4 race.

The only time I've seen Bolt look serious was when someone stole his drink bottle from the press conference. And rightly so, expect that bottle to show in the next few days with steroids in it.

And if you're finding 9.58 seconds hard to understand here it is as represented by the Beatles.

The smashing of the men's 100m record not enough to blow your mind? What about Russian pole-vaulter Elena Isinbaeva losing? Losing as in coming dead last. She didn't make any of her heights and Poland's Anna Rogowska won with a height of 4.75m. What's going on?

For Isinbaeva, I guess it was inevitable, for one can only dominate for so long. What is of concern, however, is that it's not as though other women have closed the gap, but rather that she has come back to them. It might be expected that with Isinbaeva regularly clearing 4.90m, and setting the standard at 5.05m, at least a few women would start to edge nearer. They haven't, but Isinbayeva has returned to their level. Changes to technique, perhaps?

And of course New Zealander Valerie Vili won gold. Shot putt is sport I don't really understand in terms of strategy. Surely you just throw it as hard as you can each time? Right?

At least athletics doesn't have to worry about silly suits (anymore), just steroids.

Finally, included in this weekend's package of surprising factoids is that a red shirt wearing Tiger Woods on the last day of a major is a fucking lock and can not lose under any circumstances. That's what you get for quoting statistics that boil down to: "well it's never happened before".

Interestingly it seems one reporter was ahead of the others in breaking the story. A whole day ahead.

The question -- and the telling nonanswer -- of the PGA Championship actually came a day earlier, when someone had the nerve to ask Tiger Woods whether he had ever come close to "choking" in a major.

Woods' face tightened. His eyes narrowed. But he said nothing. Instead, there was only a slight, almost undetectable nod sideways. And then he stared, almost glared straight ahead, offering nothing more.

"We'll take that to be a no?" said the news conference moderator.

Now he only has his millions of dollars, numerous endorsements and beautiful wife to comfort him and shield him from the inevitable email from Roger Federer with the subject line "RE: 15 Majors"

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