Mutually assured seduction?

I believe the phrase you are looking for is Mutually Assured Destruction, my love.

I really have to keep re-reading that carefully to make sure that it doesn't say "so I can sleep with them". For various values of "I".

I am quite impressed with Megan's courage in starting this discussion about people who sleep with other's people's friends. Not to imply that it could possibly go…

Watch Twenty 20. Which is the perfect result mode cricket match.

Test cricket is, as you say, for idling away 5 days in the sunshine with alcohol.

I manfully resisted that line, mostly because I really don't know Is at all. But I'm glad someone used an utterly perfect setup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxoMhIGKqB0

I think we've hit upon the formula for exciting test cricket: good bowling, careless batting and a pitch that's greener than an Aro Valley polling booth.

Not that there's anything wrong…

That, and so Is can sleep with them?

(Sorry Is, it's just that it was right there, and you know what I am like.)

That's why. I was wondering.

See that's what you have friends for

Nah, they seem simply unconcerned about sex at all. They're just addicted to something that is, to them, far more powerful, the drip feed of random tosses of a ball, interspersed variously with good and bad outcomes. Intermittent reinforcement at it's…

There is probably _other_ people who can remember them, if that helps?

Just what are you implying, Bart? Do you think I habitually can't remember the names of people I've slept with? Hmm?

...

Fuck.

See, your memory is still good dear. Now can you remember their name?

Not that there's anything wrong with that of course

I think he's subtly referring to a "sticky wicket"

Indeed. I can't remember the last time I had sex with someone who didn't like cricket.

No. Wait. Actually, I can.

I'm not entirely sure if their genitalia ever enter their minds. Crowded out by cricket.

Curious, the deepest cache of middle aged virgins in my acquaintance are all cricket lovers. It seems like a game specifically designed to make you content sitting around at home on your own for days on end.

What. The. Fuck???

I predict drug tests all round...

Matthew Littlewood called it "greener than a first year at Orientation".

And it's not entirely off topic because "intelligent interest in cricket" = "hot".

Both batting line-ups struggled. Both bowling attacks had periods when they were unplayable.

We didn't really miss Vettori's bowling but his batting might have been nice.

In the end the difference…

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle?

Plenty more fish in the sea, but not when it's raining cats and dogs?

It's raining fish, hallelujah?

Sorry,…

I'm hardly going to argue. Waiting on the challenge...

someone who can reliably translate any interest from others into a relationship with them

Certainly! It's very much a hypothetical situation, though based upon a not-uncommon type of person.

different worlds, is all I can say to that assumption

Let's assume that opportunities* are independent of current relationship status, which is the hypothesis in question. To make things easier, let's assume that they're reasonably equally distributed in time* *, at a rate of x passes per year: let…

Our perception of the passage of time, though, is extraordinary subjective.

Does not compute. Either the gap is long or it isn't.
What the gap…

That would make for difficult comparisons. I…

Well, aside from mass spawning (erratic rate of success); opportunisitic rape (depending on male plugs or secretions, relatively successful depending on species): herd/group intercourse (dependent upon species & every animal being at a stage of readiness, with varying…

Yes. Though that theory flys out the window in my case, so I'll just plump for the theoretical construct that you are driven…

I wasn't scared witless. I just wasn't attracted by that approach.

But I think that older, more experienced men value sexual confidence and forthrightness in a…

And I'd go ahead and amend that to "some" more experienced.... if I would agree with
sharing the range of personal experience and responses, rather than trying to draw conclusions or state universal laws.…

Yes you can. Are you not with her now?

But I will agree. Sounds a bit rude if nothing else eh, or arrogant? Not the invite but the later response.

See, it's my perception that sex goes all the way to the core of my spirit of being.

I love this…

Well yes, YMMV and all that. I think the value of a thread such as this is sharing the range of personal experience and responses,…

Which can just be wimpy. It was a really strange approach, but the thing that most makes me think it was a setup was the following action – I did attempt to strike up conversation, to find out what the fuck was up,…

I would too. But Ben ,I could also imagine she may have thought, "tonight I wanna find me someone tall dark and handsome" and she may have been watching you all…

tween ones

The point of the quote was that I get that, and it's not unique to men. It's a feeling I had until Susan pointed out what might have been biasing my selection.

That said I agree it may not reflect the real complexity of that dynamic.

I had something like this happen to me once, it…

Is Emma... a vampire?

On the back of the neck. Like bishops.

Yes, very…

Availability and interest can be different things. A woman could be available (i.e. heterosexual, single and not a nun) yet not show any signs of interest or desperation; or could be…

they neglected to record the serial numbers.

Where are they kept?

Very interesting and apt. I am wondering if this is why people like johnkey, "he is rich, I want to be rich, I will vote for him" illogical, yes but who thinks logicically and then votes for the rich?.

The tricky thing is that we're dealing with subconscious reactions, and introspection might not be the best guide to understanding one's own actions. This applies to both men & women, and in all fields:…

Always have, always will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=lVN1Apz45AE

you may be conflating interesting and sexy

Not at all. Perhaps if I had said "women seem to avoid you like the plague" it would have been clearer but I could equally say that I am open to listening to…

Bravo, sir!

spooky

Don't forget strangeness and charm...

Not all men. Only the ones who keep proper log books. Some men make all sorts of wild claims about what they've seen women do, but you can't verify them because they neglected…

Many men might, but that wouldn't stop them from being wrong. Everyone thinks they only get attention when they don't need it; but the volume of popular culture that argues that women's availability/desperation is a massive turnoff for men* can't be ignored. There's…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prEXdN0fBZo

I suspect that actually it's an incremental layering of small ambiguous interpretable gestures. Was that a look? Did he brush…

So, just to be clear, you're only open to listening to men's opinions about what women do?

Ah but...
I did say "many men would agree..." so it is hardly surprising that you don't or do, as it were.
And I am sure that you could, possibly, disagree more.
;-)

Couldn't…

Mmmmm I'm just going to think about that for an hour or two.

more than any of us will ever really know.

Chicken/egg problem.

Answer: Attraction forms a feedback loop. Humans are strange attractors of each other.

But... but... it's still too early for how much this hurts my brain. This is…

It's good to hear that the human race is sane.

Perhaps 'The Art of War' is due for a re-write as one of those daft relationship guides, like 'the rules', or 'the game'. Anyone…

There is a reasonable body of research indicating that this is the single most important factor in starting relationships. More than anything else, people are attracted to people who seem to be attracted to…

Sun-Tzu said:

Flirting is the greatest affair of existence, the basis of life and death, the Tao to survival or extinction. It must be thoroughly pondered and analysed.

Flirting is the Tao of deception. Display profits to entice them. Create disorder in their…

One of the things I like* the best is the whole dance that happens before the sex. All the will…

For instance,…

I think it's about... creating doubt from a position of certainty. I have to be reasonably sure of myself to start flirting. Then it's something I tend not to do by halves.

A friend once told me (it's kind of fabulous having…

I am from time to time subject of unwanted female attention (as I'm not obviously gay), and depending on the situation I either get a mutual female friend to tell them that I'm gay, or I drop a very heavy hint. Unfortunately the woman was slightly…

This from Clarisse's comment explained concisely why I'm often crap at it:

flirting is all about strategic ambiguity. Deliberate uncertainty.

And, just like that, deer-in-the-headlights.

No I didn't, would you like me to? Isabel, this is my friend Bart, he's lovely.

Also did you just call Isabel .... er ... friendly?

Well you do have tremendous taste in friends.

Also. This.

Sharing a social group with Isabel, I just think you should all be aware of how stonkingly true this is. You can…

I am both big-breasted and look (dress etc.) fairly butch – which seems to inspire a certain kind of male (Whroar! Look at those tits!) and female (Has to be! Dominant,…

Ah yes, the all important difference between going back to someones place for coffee (“coffee”) and going back to someones place for a hot beverage. Very important to know which one they mean when the invitation is made. #thereisthiskaosstoryphiltells....

Hi five!

Uh. Yeah! Uh.

I wrote a column about the idea of chemistry, which may be relevant.

Am I allowed to reply to it here? Cos I think the chemistry thing is really complicated, and complicating. The first time I felt desperate desire for someone, I…

This would be the Town Hall where my rack was mentioned on several occasions? How 'bout we send him video of that?

Too late. You touched it in front of the entire town hall. Now that is just brazen.

You could always keep it covered up with a headscarf or something.…

I once went out with an East European woman who could never work out why guys kept hitting on her (well,…

Fuck, true. There's even video of me doing it. Perhaps I should send it to that guy...

Either she sends really mixed messages, or she's a magnet to such people.

Some people just…

Too late. You touched it in front of the entire town hall. Now that is just brazen.

My sister has dozens of stories about guys like this. Either she…

lol, it's just as well you're both fans!

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2454#comic

Charlie Brown is such a “nice guy”. Let the evolution of our common language take fast with this grand idea. Bravo Emma Hart, bravo. Encore.

Yep, that’s how I am, too, except with blokes. I have to get to know someone fairly well before I can know whether I’m interested romantically. Doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel a spark right away, but I…

It worked. Still working, really, given that we got married. To each other.

nobody actually knows the true essence of the person they're interested in

For sure. That's a perpetually ongoing process.

We only found out…

Ugh. UGH. I have a sudden urge to cut all my hair off so I don't play with it by mistake.

Apart from the whole violence part of the phrase, it is also interesting because it dehumanizes from the very inception of the relationship.

Some don't get the rejection. Clearly there are different interpretations for the signals we send out – some people fit the meme much better than others...

I have both male and female friends for whom this is true. Or at least, their only successful relationships. For me it's the complete opposite. The current theory is that it might be a defense mechanism from having…

How odd. My only sexual relationships have been with women who were friends first.

They're all bad, but that one is certainly the worst. I've heard them all used unironically, although not as pick-up lines.

Surely a reference to a beer keg rather than a dojo mat?

I'd hit that.

Cause it's not the kind of ball you take your eye off?

I'd tear that up.

Can't spin that one...either reading of "tear" is bad.

So I can honestly ask all of youse girl things, does it work?

But here it is in all it's glory: [[ http://www.chem.fsu.edu/chemlab/isc3523c/feyn_surely.pdf…

That definitely happens, but the shift isn't always that dramatic, especially if there's already been some flirtation or sexual tension in the friendship…

Honest, officer! I'm actually really terrible at asking women out. The few times it's worked it's been when they've been dropping hints so heavily…

Ah, this could indicate something quite different. Some women, myself included, have a "friend zone". Once you've been put in the Friend Zone, thinking of you…

I just fell off my chair as a result of random clumsiness. Not at all because I was…

I'd tap that.
I'd hit that.
I'd tear that up.

Testosterone, eh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx9qUR9P2ZQ

one faces that problem all the time :)

I'd have thought the meaning of hit was more about a target, rather than a blow. The one…

Actual conversation:

“Your daughter has amazing eyes.”

“Aren’t they gorgeous? They’re just like yours.”

NOT hitting on me.

Aw, see, now you've got my brain ticking. I put it in "scare quotes" because it's a phrase I'm not happy with and only use sarcastically. I'm now not sure I even know what I mean by it. Something like this.

“being hit on”

"Scored" scores highly on that list I suspect.

there was no way I was going to start a relationship with someone I didn't physically desire

But...tell me.....that wouldn't include Lyall Lovett? Would it.

It's an interesting phrase that isn't it? Why does the action of enquiring if the other person might be interested in a relationship of some kind get described in such violent terms?

No, but it *can* be obvious.

On second thought, I'd say this is exactly. The idea of "being hit on" as anything more than part of a wide continuum of social interactions -…

Yes. If I may remind you of another story that can't be told here, you've witnessed just how stupid I can be.

Which is why I can feel threatened. Because for…

I hardly ever do. It usually takes getting really drunk and vomiting on someone's shoes (true story). As Emma says, it's the Kiwi Way.

I don't tend to pick up…

I'm guessing that statistically someone apart from the person I married must have hit…

I have felt threatened by men hitting on me. I do love that that makes it sound like it happens all the time.

I think the problem, for me,…

It is funny though, as kids we're warned off speaking to strangers, and many of…

That depends on how many other people are behind you in the check-out queue.

For sure. That's a perpetually ongoing process. I just recently found something out about my partner of 18 years that I hadn't previously had an inkling of. But you can pick up the very broad strokes quite quickly.…