Public Address | Cafe | Up Front: The Up Front Guide to Internet Dating

Robert Harvey

Sun, 18 Dec 2016 20:58:21 +1300

XKCD adds some humour to the situation...
http://xkcd.com/314/

TracyMac

Sat, 17 Dec 2016 15:05:07 +1300

Oh, and I wouldn't bother with paid sites. Modern apps are cheaper if OKC isn't good enough.

As for old-fashioned live dating services, I had an ex (of dubious ethics, thus the "ex") who ran one of those many years ago.

If a male punter wasn't getting any dates, and…

TracyMac

Sat, 17 Dec 2016 14:58:19 +1300

OKC has been around way way way longer than Grindr et al. My impression was that Tinder is the equivalent for straights, naturally with somewhat less emphasis on the immediate hookup thing.

Those questionnaire things on OKC are very revealing, and also make you wonder how desperate you must be…

Nat Curnow

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 22:39:02 +1300

I had a rush of blood to the head 6 months ago and signed up to a dating site after being single for 4 years. I have been on one date in that time with a nice woman who, after said date messaged me to say that I had only…

Moz

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 22:34:03 +1300

the age demographic might be more limited than online dating.

Hmm... Emma is noticeably younger than I am. Her daughter is at uni, IIRC. The general idea, though, works for me. Go out, do something I find interesting, meet new people, hopefully notice if they're flirting with me.

Rich Lock

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 22:20:54 +1300

I find the whole thing fascinating, in a 'far too old for this, but kinda wish it had been around 20 years ago' sort of a way. Although I'm also extremely happy that I had the opportunity to work through my idiocy without every single moment of it being immortalised…

Moz

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 21:24:58 +1300

http://www.theallusionist.org/transcripts/wltm-ii?rq=dating link from Emma above has a transcript, for those who prefer to spend 2 minutes reading rather than half an hour listening.

Her approach does seem to be the correct one, in the sense of getting a partner pout of the deal. The trick is to tweak what you…

Katita

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 16:32:18 +1300

Met someone I was completely infatuated with on Lavalife when I lived in Canada, unfortunately his quirky Quebecois didn't translate downunder.
Undeterred I finally met my now husband on a NZ site. Just celebrated our 9th anniversary.
When I was first using these sites there was still a bit of…

Rich of Observationz

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 15:49:57 +1300

These sites are like Grindr for straight people?

Lynn Yum

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 15:47:50 +1300

Hm, interesting experience from Amy Webb. She does sound quite manipulative and dishonest though, because in order to be "popular", the "real" her probably isn't featured on her profile. But to her credit at least she eventually fronted up.

Moz

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 15:40:30 +1300

https://blog.okcupid.com/ has some interesting stuff, but it's not been updated for a while. The "blind date" post second to last is both amusing and somewhat disturbing. That blog does not, however, touch on any of the scary questions but more on the weird stuff they get from the data.

Rebecca Gray

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 15:21:09 +1300

Wow, it would be fascinating/horrifying to see any analysis of how people answer those OKCupid filter questions.

And also to know how OKC decide on the statement wording (I'm saying this from a social research geek perspective, but also from a human who has to deal with other humans perspective...)

Emma Hart

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 14:39:06 +1300

I don’t quite understand, was he pretending to be Scottish or pretending to not be Scottish?

He was pretending to be Scottish. (Not my story, someone else's.) When called on it, he said it made him more interesting and he didn't think she would mind. The woman involved said he…

william blake

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 14:29:41 +1300

I don't quite understand, was he pretending to be Scottish or pretending to not be Scottish? Either way would pose acting difficulties and risk scorn ( try saying 'risk scorn' like Miss Jean Brody ).

I suppose the point being made is the pathos of dishonesty in the lonely.

Moz

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 14:29:31 +1300

It is not just the men you need to worry about. I met one woman who waited until it was almost too late to not have sex with her, before informing me that she had recently got herpes and was infectious... would that be a problem? I got the impression…

mark taslov

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 14:15:38 +1300

I went on my first internet date about 14 years ago, it was a great experience and so I continued using the medium until I met my spouse. I’ve met some good people and some not so good. I’ve been sexually assaulted a couple of times by people I met…

Emma Hart

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 14:15:10 +1300

These sites don’t earn money based on success rate, only access to other members of their sites.

There is a fantastic episode of the Allusionist podcast about this. Basically, dating sites don't want you to find your Forever Person, because then you leave the site.

They want to match you…

Lynn Yum

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 13:57:25 +1300

I don't want to be cynical (and then I will go on to be extremely cynical...) but dating sites NEVER state the probability of success. They have success stories and so on, but never ALL the hard facts! Data! Data! As Sherlock Holmes would say (or Picard). These sites don't…

Paul Campbell

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 13:57:17 +1300

I actually don't think it's appropriate to apologise on behalf of all the other males, there's no excusing it, better to call them out for the slime they are.

Emma Hart

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 12:46:36 +1300

it seems to be a great way to meet a life partner who is well suited

One of the reasons I prefer to use OKCupid as opposed to, say, FindSomeone, is that it gives you so much more information about someone before you decide whether or not to engage with…

Chopper

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 12:39:10 +1300

Two of my family members have met their wife through internet dating and given how happy they now are, it seems to be a great way to meet a life partner who is well suited. I've never tried internet dating (Not because I think it's bad, but being happily married…

Public Address

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 12:39:10 +1300

Discussion from blog post.