Public Address | Cafe | Up Front: The Missing Stair Part Two: The Creeper and the Excuser

B Jones

Fri, 13 Jun 2014 16:15:22 +1200

Well, now there's this: Sexual violence campaign launched, and it doesn't seem to say anything about carrying a whistle wherever you go, or learning self-defence, or not leaving your drink unattended. Bit bemused about the comment on lyrics about crack, though.

Deborah

Wed, 04 Sept 2013 21:53:56 +1200

This is far too apposite: Tony Abbott creeps out Big Brother housemates
''Vote for me because my daughters are hot'' appears to be Tony Abbott's main political pitch to the Big Brother housemates.

His actual words, flanked by a visibly embarrassed Frances and Bridget, were: ''If you want to know…

bronwyn

Wed, 04 Sept 2013 21:51:10 +1200

It's incredibly frustrating to see someone who is well known to be a Proper Creep in some circles also be well liked and secure in other circles. Unfortunately it makes me lose a little bit of faith in the people that don't call that person out as a creep, or…

Hilary Stace

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 09:03:46 +1200

Thanks for this post, Emma. I have come across some nasty predator stories in my years in the disability sector. Mothers of disabled children, particularly of girls with intellectual disability or autism, seem particularly at risk. They are often lonely, isolated and poor. The predator grooms the daughters and then…

Gee

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 08:17:49 +1200

I am so much more bolshy online than in person and it’s mainly because of this. “Oh goodness, if I get snotty about this then I am going to seem really impolite.”
I realised lately that I had been labelled the “challenging” one at parties, for occasionally calling people out…

Gee

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 08:13:53 +1200

it's also been encouraging seeing guys get that jamming harassment/rape culture isn't women's work. It diminishes all us, and we've all got to decide whether to be the solution or the problem
amen to that

Jackie Clark

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 08:06:32 +1200

I will. Thanks darling.

Craig Ranapia

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 07:35:56 +1200

I've never been aware of a rapist within my my social group (which does not of course mean there has never been one), but I have a couple of times physically placed myself so as to frustrate a creeper.

I didn't cause a confrontation (in one case, it was a…

DexterX

Tue, 03 Sept 2013 07:23:58 +1200

I find it interesting how in all manner of situations and on so many levels that involve abuse the most common response is to behave in a manner that protects and supports the abuser and isolates and undermines the abused.

I have tended to stand up early to abuse -…

Emma Hart

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 20:46:13 +1200

That relates to Cliff Pervocracy’s Just One Ally – someone else who shows they have your back, and/or are also witnessing just how fucked-up a situation is. Can make all the difference, a lot.

I was reading down this thread, knowing I'd read something like that somewhere, and unable to…

Russell Brown

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 20:43:07 +1200

That relates to Cliff Pervocracy’s Just One Ally – someone else who shows they have your back, and/or are also witnessing just how fucked-up a situation is. Can make all the difference, a lot.

Yes. "It's not just you. I'm seeing this crap too."

Isabel Hitchings

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 20:24:45 +1200

When I was at high school I had a group of friend which included some considerably older people. The oldest man, who I believe was a decade or so my senior, had some sexual involvement with several female members of the group. When one of our number accused him of…

Chris Waugh

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 20:22:38 +1200

Thanks Tracy. I do what I can to manage things, but I'm up against a huge (un)awareness issue in that none of these subjects are common topics of conversation in Chinese media, so, y'know, people just don't know and I don't have the Chinese vocab necessary. Working on it, though.…

TracyMac

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 20:00:08 +1200

That relates to Cliff Pervocracy's Just One Ally – someone else who shows they have your back, and/or are also witnessing just how fucked-up a situation is. Can make all the difference, a lot.

TracyMac

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 19:58:07 +1200

And here's a digest from David Lisak himself, highlighting the tactics of abusers in terms of using psychological ploys, premeditation, alcohol use, and just as much violence as necessary to achieve their aims: http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf

TracyMac

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 19:53:01 +1200

I hope your wife has the same rule, not to let him near the child – she doesn't take her along if she's visiting her friend. And anyone who you let look after her – if you have a babysitter, you should spell it out explicitly to them that this…

Chris Waugh

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 19:26:17 +1200

Yeah, I know, but husband of my wife's best friend and lives in the same building as my brother in law. Let's just say that when he's around my wee one never steps out of my sight. That's the best I can do right now.

Jackie Clark

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 19:22:09 +1200

This man should not be allowed to be around your little girl. Ever.

Chris Waugh

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 18:56:09 +1200

I feel this may need a trigger warning, just in case, because it involves a child, so what Emma said at the start of her post:

Trigger Warning for Rape and Sexual Harassment

but with 'child' thrown in the mix.

See, there's this guy. When the wee one was but…

Jackie Clark

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 18:32:55 +1200

Oh, how this resonates. For all women. I have this problem at the moment – an acquaintance that others find discomfiting, and I feel I am likely going to be the one who has to tell him that his behaviour around women is unseemly, and not okay, Mainly because I'm…

Russell Brown

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 17:58:29 +1200

I didn't cause a confrontation (in one case, it was a…

TracyMac

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 16:40:12 +1200

Fantastic stuff, Emma.

It's the invidiousness of some of these people that can make them hard to deal with – hell, I'm a bolshie dyke, and yet I sometimes have trouble with swimming against the currents of social censure of "making a fuss". And also, we're programmed to be "fair".…

B Jones

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 15:48:55 +1200

I am so much more bolshy online than in person

Likewise. Partly it's a selection issue (being mellow and reserved online = lurking, and what's the point of sticking your head above the parapet unless it's to politely, um, set someone's arse on fire), but also because the social sanctions…

Emma Hart

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 15:35:39 +1200

I am so much more bolshy online than in person and it’s mainly because of this. “Oh goodness, if I get snotty about this then I am going to seem really impolite.”

Oh, hells, me too. People expect me to be more... forthright in person than I am, ergo if…

Emma Hart

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 15:29:56 +1200

And the only people who could do that–the women he assaulted–have opted to leave town and cut off contact rather than try to go through the court system. I don’t blame them, given how little they have to gain and how much they have to lose if they go to…

Cliff Pervocracy

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 15:06:05 +1200

"If everybody knows, why isn't he in prison?"

Well, because "everyone" can't just go to the cops with "I heard this guy is a rapist"; we'd have to present evidence of specific incidents. And the only people who could do that--the women he assaulted--have opted to leave town and cut…

Bart Janssen

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 14:58:58 +1200

I think you wrote this too well Emma. There is nothing to say other than bravo.

Danielle

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 14:57:51 +1200

Firstly, we are conditioned to not make a fuss.

I am so much more bolshy online than in person and it's mainly because of this. "Oh goodness, if I get snotty about this then I am going to seem really impolite."

Lilith __

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 13:31:09 +1200

Thanks for writing this, Emma.

Rochelle Furneaux

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 12:50:55 +1200

Tears in my eyes. Thanks Emma, for writing such perfect words for this. THIS.

Public Address

Mon, 02 Sept 2013 12:50:55 +1200

Discussion from blog post.