Public Address | Cafe | Up Front: Good to Go? https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/ en-us Copyright (c) 2026 Public Address Moz https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329848#post329848 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329848#post329848 "fuck yes" consent up today. ]]> Mon, 13 Oct 2014 14:32:03 +1300 Moz https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329846#post329846 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329846#post329846 I entirely agree that it should not be this way, but Moz is not saying it should be either, he's merely admitting that the position exists. The difference between what is legally true and what people expect to be true is often a hideous chasm.

Thank you. I was beginning…

]]> Mon, 13 Oct 2014 14:22:00 +1300 Rtmiss https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329828#post329828 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329828#post329828 Mon, 13 Oct 2014 10:26:06 +1300 Lilith __ https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329774#post329774 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329774#post329774 the Mary Daly “no woman can consent to sex with a man”

Perhaps you mean Adrienne Rich? Her famous 1980 essay is titled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence”, argued that where heterosexuality is compulsory, “consent” has limited meaning for lesbians.

]]> Sun, 12 Oct 2014 22:27:29 +1300 Isabel Hitchings https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329768#post329768 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329768#post329768 Sun, 12 Oct 2014 21:00:56 +1300 TracyMac https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329691#post329691 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329691#post329691 Not to mention the fact that the legal remedy for "intractable" disputes in a marriage – which, these days, does not contractually require it be "consummated" – is simply to get a divorce.

Enjoying together – yes, that's exactly what sex should be about. :-)

]]> Sun, 12 Oct 2014 01:46:51 +1300 Lilith __ https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329689#post329689 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329689#post329689 many people would consider ongoing refusal to be a betrayal unless discussed before marriage.

ongoing refusal?

Sex is not showjumping, is it? Surely it’s something people negotiate and enjoy together.
And really so much more than can be covered by a simple yes/no.

]]> Sat, 11 Oct 2014 22:36:13 +1300 Craig Ranapia https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329654#post329654 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329654#post329654 I suppose the potential danger is that some moron might think that the app somehow creates a legally enforceable contract. Whereas, as far as I know, making contracts for sexual acts is specifically prohibited.

True, but hell... an app is not a contract, and it's kind of depressing anyone should…

]]> Sat, 11 Oct 2014 08:24:27 +1300 Moz https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329653#post329653 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329653#post329653 we're talking about consenting to sex rather than breaking some random contract. It doesn't matter what reason someone has for not consenting. "I don't want to" is sufficient.

I was specifically talking about peoples reason for consenting, and how those can be judged invalid by others. At the extreme is…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 23:59:01 +1300 TracyMac https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329641#post329641 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329641#post329641 everyone I've met has "reasons" that are acceptable and ones that are not

Er, I don't know if I'm missing your point, but we're talking about consenting to sex rather than breaking some random contract. It doesn't matter what reason someone has for not consenting. "I don't want to" is…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 21:12:48 +1300 Lilith __ https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329615#post329615 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329615#post329615 Euan, marriage definitely does not imply consent, though it used to – rape is rape, also within marriage. This has been the case legally for some years.

I suspect his point was that the law and people’s expectations often differ.

Wow, I really hope NOBODY out there thinks that agreeing…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 15:33:20 +1300 Moz https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329610#post329610 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329610#post329610 Euan, marriage definitely does not imply consent, though it used to – rape is rape, also within marriage. This has been the case legally for some years.

I suspect his point was that the law and people's expectations often differ. We see this all the time in a whole range…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 14:24:43 +1300 Moz https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329609#post329609 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329609#post329609 The thing about the good2go app is that it seems to negate the concept that consent can be withdrawn at any time

Yeah, the missing feature is the ability for either partner to log in and remove their consent. Sure, the app can then say "gave consent at XXpm, retroactively…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 14:23:07 +1300 Bart Janssen https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329605#post329605 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329605#post329605 I think that so much of our issue with sex stems from the fact that we’ve separated it from normal human behaviour.

Yeah, I have a real bug-bear about this. You want to go to the movies with someone? You ask them.

I'd never go on one of those AirNZ…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 13:20:30 +1300 Emma Hart https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329604#post329604 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329604#post329604 Part of my kink is stretching someone’s boundaries. But that MUST be done in the context of mutual trust and negotiation. If you don’t have absolute assurance it’s there, then don’t do it.

And the thing is, if I do have that absolute assurance, I will let them push me…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 12:57:27 +1300 Helga https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329600#post329600 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329600#post329600 Fri, 10 Oct 2014 12:45:11 +1300 Craig Ranapia https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329599#post329599 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329599#post329599 But having exactly the same conversation about sex? Way too scary. It is fear, and it’s fear out of all proportion to “what’s the worst that could happen?"

Exactly – and as I think you’ve said before consent is sexy. Being treated like you might as well be a blow…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 12:28:02 +1300 TracyMac https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329598#post329598 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329598#post329598 The thing about the good2go app is that it seems to negate the concept that consent can be withdrawn at any time. And, as you say, what you're consenting to is not specified.

I'm not legalistic in my approach to kink – those multipage agreements as what is on or…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 12:04:56 +1300 Euan Mason https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329594#post329594 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329594#post329594 Expectations colour much of our sexual behaviour.

People wish to be desirable and that can be an important turn on. By striving to be desirable they are not implying consent, but their desirability may provoke unrealistic expectations among those experiencing the desire.

Similarly, IMO, marriage does not necessarily imply consent,…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:53:11 +1300 Emma Hart https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329591#post329591 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329591#post329591 I think that so much of our issue with sex stems from the fact that we’ve separated it from normal human behaviour.

Yeah, I have a real bug-bear about this. You want to go to the movies with someone? You ask them. And then the two of you have a…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:38:59 +1300 George Darroch https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329590#post329590 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329590#post329590 I think that so much of our issue with sex stems from the fact that we've separated it from normal human behaviour.

You're having a party. You have people who are welcome; you may have decided that it's only by written invite. But that's only the beginning. There is behaviour…

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:32:09 +1300 Bart Janssen https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329587#post329587 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329587#post329587 Or indeed, for the peace of mind of most of you, at all.

Whew!

Not that I'm afraid ... well yes actually I am :)

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:08:13 +1300 Emma Hart https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329585#post329585 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329585#post329585 Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:04:16 +1300 Public Address https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329584#post329584 https://publicaddress.net/system/cafe/up-front-good-to-go/?p=329584#post329584 Discussion from blog post.

]]> Fri, 10 Oct 2014 11:04:16 +1300