Up Front: Giving Me Grief
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Lara,
Very sorry to hear of your respective losses Rex & Robert. Like George I've not lost anyone extremely close to me yet, but from other losses...that gaping hole is awful.
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oh Emma. thank you. My mother died 8 and half years ago, aged 53. Breast Cancer. Her birthday is in a couple of days - one of the many days of the year that I carry a heavy weight and feel somewhat like the ancient mariner. So to read this today was perfect - the reminder of our un-aloneness in the world
What a beautiful testimony to a life.
those others - Rex, Robert. How awful. The two things that I loved the best, that I carry with me from the time of my mother's illness and her death, are: the vicar who married us (family friend, we were married six month before mum's diagnosis) who said "it's just not fucking fair" when he found out. (Not one for the swearing, you see). My favourite professor and supervisor (I was in the middle of my MA and also pregnant with second child in midst of that year of hell) who told me that he missed his father (who had died thirty years before) everyday, and spoke to him, everyday.
I was eight and half months pregnant at the funeral; I can't really remember much but my brother, dad, uncles, cousin and husband were pallbearers. My husband says it was both one of the hardest and best things he has ever done.
Thank you. I really needed to read that today.
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Rex Widerstrom, in reply to
Thanks so much for that Jackie. I kinda understand what Kubler-Ross was getting at, and on one level I think she’s right. On the another level entirely, I tend to want to hit things till they comply with my view of how they should be. Heaven help the PC that tries that BSD BS in my presence ;-)
What I want more than anything is to challenge Death to feats of strength, and win back what I want more than anything in the world right now. I’m sure that’s a very male perspective. And possibly a somewhat NZ one as well.
I’m sure that will pass. I certainly hope it will. Meanwhile the inanimate objects that surround me are being very well behaved of late.
Danielle, Robert, thanks to you too. Robert, suicide is far from painless for those left behind. Not that I’ve had that happen to someone particularly close, but a work colleague… the “should I, could I, what if” treadmill can become exquisite mental torture. Truth is, we know less about our own minds than the farthest reaches of the universe, so none of us “could have, should have” acted other than the way in which we did (if that makes sense).
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Kumara Republic, in reply to
Danielle, Robert, thanks to you too. Robert, suicide is far from painless for those left behind.
And lest we forget Finn Higgins...
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Truth is, we know less about our own minds than the farthest reaches of the universe,
Yeah but thats inanimate and easy. Living and capable of incredible acts of self deception, well, you need a good looong break to be able to deal with that.
And it's derided as navel gazing, easier to boof someone, anyone around the ear and blame them. -
Just to add to what was already a bad month for my family (see previous comment), I've just learnt that my Uncle was killed in a car accident Tuesday night. This was unrelated to the quake (up Blenheim way)
My aunt survived, no major injuries apparently, but was trapped until the car was found about 3pm yesterday.
This is all getting a bit much.
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recordari, in reply to
Robert that is terrible. So sorry for your loss. The circumstances you describe are truly awful, as well as having to cope with everything going on in Christchurch.
I hope you have some good support around.
Take care.
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Jackie Clark, in reply to
Oh Robert, I am so terribly, terribly sorry that not only has your city recieved such cruel blows in the last few days with the deaths of so many people, and so much destruction just when people were starting to think about getting back on their feet, but that you have had to go through the grief of the death of two immediate family members in very tragic circumstances, and all within such a short period of time. Please accept my condolences, my warmest thoughts, and my biggest hugs. (My hugs are pretty huge, so that's quite a big hug we're having!)
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Thanks Jack & Jackie. Support is stretched thin in Chch at the moment (and thinner in my family who are distributed around the island at this point), but we'll get through it.
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