Deborah I thought Emma wrote a really great post here, and what I liked most about it was that it was almost genderless – ascribing dudebros as an attitude more than anything – see Margaret Comer. As a victim of sexual assault I was disappointed that you chose to address…

Hah! Enforcement (also a kind of bullying?) is another thing altogether.

A family member works in retail. Left the last job after a disgruntled older subordinate threatened physical violence and the Boss failed to properly…

It’s not just a physical thing. Anyone who’s abnormally psychopathic can be a bully, and that goes for hitting a family member…

So, there are some people who have genuine self-control issues and are violent pretty much indiscriminately.

But. Most abusers are bullies.…

Purely a side note, 'pack reaction' is not gendered. *Humans* do it. *What* they do as a group, or rather, the limits that the group will assume, are culturally and gender bounded. There's some fascinating research out there on group reaction across gender and culture.

I've used 'have some common fucking decency' on a couple of occasions. Stops it becoming a gender role thing. And besides, its really what is at the heart of the issue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejaWq2TXRXE

“Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions.”
“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.”
― Alexandre Dumas-fils

But seriously, I think part of the big pattern of violence against women…

My now-wife suggested when we got together that I read a book called "Reflecting men at twice their natural size" by Sally Cline and Dale Spender, where they…

Nuh, I don't agree. NZ maleness has been fucked up since forever. Partly, it's the hangover from the colonial inheritance of the stiff upper lip. Just because we rejected the British class system in favour of…

Yes, that's the concomitant reality, which is why I said "Unfortunately, the lack of respect leaves women unsafe (not feeling unsafe, but actually at risk)."

A friend of mine tonight gave…

Women have to assume every man is a potential rapist, unless we have reason to believe otherwise.

A friend of mine tonight gave me the name of her date, in case something happened to her. That’s a hell of a fear to have to…

It's a medical condition, an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. It isn't about "what did he fear?" because what he feared was being found out a fraud, no matter how authentic his achievements actually…

It's the pack mentality, not limited to sportsball fanatics, but certainly exemplified by them. "If everyone else is doing it __I can't be wrong to do…

“I was a sex worker who had full sex with my clients & I still got to set my boundaries. 99% of my clients were cool with that.
99% of my clients…

Self perception is a funny, as in peculiar, thing. Its too often totally unreliable, especially if you do something dumb but cant admit it to yourself. One doesnt have to look to hard to see that in action.
Self inquiry, with a good dose of honesty, and…

One answer is that it usually takes people a while to discover "good sex". By that I mean even if folks read everything on the internet – and their brains don't melt out their ears – they still won't know what they like and it's…

Turns out there's a term for my aforementioned theories, and it's called pinkwashing.

What can you, as a decent man, do to change the attitudes of…

I guess the thing about making it a gendered…

Because, in this case, I am addressing a gendered problem: the different social expectations of male and female behaviour. Because the two incidents that sparked it, the Chiefs' debacle and the Kuggeleijn trial, were men…

Or Rules

but, they had to come up with The ethics of dwarf tossing, 'cos some folk simply couldn't figure out for themselves where the boundaries were.

Just because they're paid to provide a service, doesn't mean you own them.

I could hazard a guess, that for some of them, it is a safety mechanism. It is the risky behaviour that is at fault, so as long as they don't do any of that risky stuff, they think that they will be…

The feeling like shit is OK, women suffer much more so feeling like shit is part of the deal – it's the giving up.

The only equivalence I can make is that sculpture, ultimately,…

There is so much sensitivity out there.

A pity its mostly ( really? ) self centred.

Here's the weird thing. Okay, it's not weird, it's entirely predictable, but still.

I've never had a column as widely-shared as this one has been. Someone went to all the trouble of going over to The Isis Knot to donate money because she needed to read…

Sadly the dudebros won't.

Well said Emma.

The kind of loser who can afford a wriggly-arsed, slimy, bottom-feeding scumsucker of a legal team to try and make his behaviour seem oh-so-normal

And oh, the kind of loser who was…