And I thought I was the only one who memorised the eye chart for my driver's license!…

Every now and then…

(I am also hideously overdue for being wedged open with a door-stop.)

urkle....ancient memory stirred of IUD insertion. Kicked the doctor in the guts for his trouble. Hey, he shoulda warned me how much it was going to to hurt. Note from mother: keep your feet to yourself, you know…

Us blokes only have to have a finger up the bum now & again after turning 50 to check the prostate. Makes it a bit difficult to look your doctor in the eye immediately after teh 1st one.

My comments seem to have a theme, but:
Don't die. Get around to it.

icehawk

Maybe we should set up some kind of Pledge-bank-style 'nag a blogger into getting a check' thing. (I am also hideously overdue for being wedged open with a door-stop.)

May explain why I am a tad bit overdue for a smear."

Isabel,

My partner went for 6 years without getting around to a smear. If she'd left it another year she'd probably be dead. And I'd be raising the kids on my own. Seriously. No shit.

I hope you…

I took a picture of my grandad at his 90th with his 7 siblings. The photo shows that 6 of the 8 had white canes, coz they were blind. They went blind after the age of 40. Glaucoma.

If it's caught early it's very treatable these days. So while…

They shouldn't be shaking their heads around like that. We did too much of that in the 80's. I'm convinced that's why I have horrid vertigo from time to time. You never read about shaken head syndrome, do you?

There have been studies. It's been in the British Medical Journal,…

They shouldn't be shaking their heads around like that.

Nevermind their heads. JT's sugar lumps were a tad off-putting.

Okay, that's never happened. I mean... how lost can you get?

If you have a retroverted uterus the cervix can be quite difficult to get to, I think? Which is, you know, great. Because being scraped with a little bottle-brush up in your ladybits isn't uncomfortable enough already, without having…

My eyes haven't really changed in the last 15 years, which is probably why I don't get them any more.

I'm really short sighted – so my eyeballs are longer then normal, ie stretched, so increased risk of things pulling apart.
If you're really long sighted then you don't have…

Those are good. I have to have them every year or so becasue my eyeballs are so distorted there is an increased risk of retinal detachment.

My eyes haven't really changed in the last 15 years, which is probably why I don't get them any more.

I hated eye tests when I was a kid, they often used eye drops that made the world far too bright and had to spend the rest of the day with my eyes closed.

Those are good. I have to have them every year or so becasue my eyeballs are…

To add to the list of things you don't want to hear whilst on the examining table:

"Oops!"
That's what I heard from the assisting half way through surgery on my hand. And everyone in the theater went over for a look.
They never told me what the oops was…

"Could you come and give me a hand, I can't seem to find this lady's cervix"

Okay, that's never happened. I mean... how lost can you get? My dr refused to do my smear tests any more because I have an unfortunate habit of giggling a lot.

I think my…

I still don't know what they saw, but he thought I was concussed. Sent me home. Told me not to drive.

Something funny with your pupils, maybe?

Once again, I am the type of interesting medical specimen that makes health professionals say 'hey, come and have a look at this!'.

Yeah, that is seldom fun.

I had that with my first adult eye test, at 21. I'd had a couple of near misses, mis-calcualting distances when passing…

"Could you come and give me a hand, I can't seem to find this lady's cervix"

May explain why I am a tad bit overdue for a smear.

Colour blindness tests were like that for me. 'Oh, I've never had anyone fail *all* of them before, Doctor, come and have a look at this.' Curtailed my flying career and electrical work still a weak point on the DIY front.

Don't let that get you down Don, when I…

Furthermore, we are living the 21st-fucking-Century! Why does dentistry still hurt?!

Now that I'm paying for 20 years of not-going-to-the-dentist by having several years of going to ever more expensive dentists with fancy titles, I have discovered one thing: the really expensive good ones don't hurt much at all. And…

Once again, I am the type of interesting medical specimen that makes health professionals say 'hey, come and have a look at this!'.

Colour blindness tests were like that for me. 'Oh, I've never had anyone fail *all* of them before, Doctor, come and have a look at this.' Curtailed…

Once again, I am the type of interesting medical specimen that makes health professionals say 'hey, come and have a look at this!'.

Those are the words you really don't want to hear. A few years back went to my GP practice for something, and the nurse was having a…

Furthermore, we are living the 21st-fucking-Century! Why does dentistry still hurt?!

I believe because dentists doing quite-well-thank-you-very-much are unwilling to invest in a $200K laser drill. But show me one that is and I might break my current rule and visit. No problems so far anyways.

And it a similar…

It's the little things that make it worthwhile – not having to worry about glasses steaming up on humid days or getting raindrops on…

At 6 My…

It's like non bald people shaving their heads to look good. Bastards.

*Adjusts mental image of Giovanni*

Mother, not morther. Oh, nevermind.

Actually, I think you'll find that was a Nirvana album.

Also: Emma, I met your mum. She's lovely, and she seemed to really enjoy her night at the Media7 recording.

She is indeed quite improbably lovely.

Also: Emma, I met your mum.

If she's ever in need of a superhero catchphrase, may I suggest the following, inspired by Pink Floyd?

At them, Hart morther!

Sorry. Don't know what came over me just then. Let me tell you about my own mother and her eyesight: for forty…

The thing that annoys me the most is choosing frames. I basically can't see without my glasses on, and to choose new frames, I need to take my glasses off.

My partner worked this out. You take a digital camera with you. You still need another person, but you don't…

I like those moments when you're having your eyes tested when you give an answer and the optomotrist pauses and mutters something and you know your most…

Now my face looks, to me, weird and naked without glasses, and I feel incredibly vulnerable, unarmed.

Yeah, my face is just a big bland slab without my glasses. Also kind of fuzzy.

I wore glasses that were cumbersome (high myope here), steamed up or broke with readiness (not the lenses – they bulletproof, and hurt…

Michael, you could get them anyway, it is possible to get glasses with non-corrective lenses.

I'm waiting for non-corrective contact lenses to call civilisation officially over.*

But seriously, what's up with non-corrective glasses? It's like non bald people shaving their heads to look good. Bastards.

*I know, I know: the…

I've wanted glasses since my late teens when I realised I looked far more sophisticated and intelligent when trying on my friend's goggles.

Michael, you could get them anyway, it is possible to get glasses with non-corrective lenses. Apparently wearing glasses is in.

Was anyone else shown that? They herded us into the school hall, showed us a pair of safety goggles, and immediately bunged on a film of a guy working on a lathe.

A…

As well as being mildly autistic, having hypertonic muscles, and being born with clicky hip, she also has had a squint.

The odd thing is nothing hurtful or bad has happened to her in the optometrist.…

Heh, yeah, that thing about passes and glasses? So not true.

I'll have you know my last two serious squeezes wore/wear glasses. I think they look sexier on than off.

And I'll just add that I'm in no way minimising the impact that deteriorating vision must have on people. No…

After looking through many very slightly different lenses for 10 minutes, I'm crosseyed & couldnt pick a difference if the things were different colours & sxreaming Pick me!

Word. They also switch the lenses over too quickly for my ageing eyes to adjust focus.

I've wanted glasses since my late teens when…

I'd really rather be deaf than blind, except for occasional moments when I'm, say, listening to Aretha Franklin sing.

I agree. I'm glad I haven't had to consider eyesight an issue. Maybe my brain's making up for the lack of input from the unemployed auditory brain cells, but I've never…

A few weeks later, they sliced my cornea with a blade.

C'mon now, you're too young to be the lass in Un Chien Andalou. Or was it a remake?

I'm not sure if the your optometrist has mentioned what they think issue is yet, but I have a much greater respect for them after having a pituatary tumour the size of a squash ball picked…

Unfortunately I've been cursed with the best vision of anyone I know (I can read street signs from two towns away) which leaves me with a boring…

A few weeks later, they…

I think I sneaked through a few vision tests at school because they tested my good eye first and then did…

Being partially deaf I can tell you that hearing tests are no fun either. Especially when you start hearing phantom sounds.

Yeah, having gone through it with my eyes, I can tell when my daughter's had enough of hearing testing. Audiologist don't seem to, but then I guess it's different…

Furthermore, we are living the 21st-fucking-Century! Why does dentistry still hurt?!