As a teenager, the year I did the Christmas reading in our local church, as part of the Bible Class. It was kind of un-nerving. It was not standing up and speaking in front of a whole lot of people. Yeah, I was a bit nervous…

First:

My girlfriend of the time departs for northern hemisphere postgrad: teary farewells at the airport promise to meet up in northern Italy for Xmas, at some wee hamlet near Turin where she has connections. Flight (oh, these were the days) goes…

He didn't actually notice; just stood there, stunned, wondering why his wife was yelping & smacking him on the forehead.

LOL. Literally.

If this was a contest I think you've just won.

Nice piece.

Peace on earth 1.

My father and I spent the…

Confusion: you're almost as concerned as I am, or you sound like almost as much of a redneck as me?

Yes?

I'm concerned about how much I'm starting to sound like a redneck. Almost as much as Danielle.

Confusion: you're almost as concerned as I am, or you sound like almost as much of a redneck as me?

but the cousins our own age seem to have zero interest in getting to know us. One asks us why we are here, as in, ‘why aren’t you back in NZ having Christmas with your Mam?

Phillip's crew? Had a similar experience – they were all summonsed to drinks to…

Anyone tasked with buying Christmas presents for young girls might like to muse on this:
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20071224/ehrenreich

I need eyebrow-singeing and cat-injuring context, dammit.

The reality isn't quite as intriguing as the one-liner. My uncle-in-law has these astonishingly long eyebrows (think Imperial moustache), and was lighting his pipe when a freak match-flare ignited them. He didn't actually notice; just stood there, stunned, wondering why his wife was…

A christmas in Wales

And so I hear the rest of the story in the dulcet tones of Dylan Thomas...

Its bloody freezing. We are put up…

I need eyebrow-singeing and cat-injuring context, dammit.

I tried to turn this into an entertaining story in my head, but in fact my dad was drunk, my cat was digging in his veggie patch, so he shot it. Frankie did survive: he was one of those kick-arse ginger toms that…

Mary Poppins, which is probably the last movie anyone needs to see in black and white.),/quote>

Although the perfect movie for watching with giant spliffs!

A Flying Nun musician! (er, I'll get me coat...).

I've changed my mind. Russell can stay. Clearly Grant is the weakest link.

Robyn, I actually do have a periodically drunk Uncle Gary. Is Gary the go-to name for uncles or something?

Um, well, it is in my world. A friend and I used to do this "Uncle Gary and his mail-order bride" thing, but the less said about that the better.

The only unnerving thing was the nun with guitar sitting a few rows back from me

A Flying Nun musician! (er, I'll get me coat...).

Where do you get police radio scanners from?

Dick Smith have a large selection, though they are quite pricey. Maybe Santa will bring you one?

the church is staffed from the Church of Scotland so we have a traditional Presbyterian Christmas at the Manse. Quite jolly,

So. Not a traditional Presbyterian Christmas then.

That's slightly tongue in cheek, although I recall an inter-denominational Christmas church service as a teenager with the Methodists, Presbyterians and Anglicans…

One Christmas in Fiji.
I'm in my late teens, travelling alone and staying with a local family in a rural area. Christmas dinner is big black mud crabs, obtained live the day before and tied to the doorhandle with a piece of string. They…

Myself and a few other itinerant travellers had managed to hire one of the local gulets (a type of yacht) for a week and the skipper took us cruising…

Indeed, I had some excellent Christmases in London (and one in Cornwall) with other far-from-home Kiwis. When you're away, your friends are your family, although there were always people who didn't cope with…

OK, so here's one from when I was fourteen (33 years ago).

uh oh – my son tells a similar story.....I hope he's not sharing it with the world in 33 years time...

As a 17 year old on exchange in Sri Lanka... staying with a Catholic family. Went carolling to old people's homes with a group of Buddhist and Christian students (don't ever get put into an old people's home in Sri Lanka...) Oh, and also carolling with us…

My mum and I were going to a Christmas morning tea at our Church and she had promised to make a pavlova. She needed to make it the night before but arrived home from her work Christmas drinks…

The only unnerving thing was the nun with guitar sitting a few rows back from me -

Now, that would have had me getting off the flight.

Almost, anyway.

Either that or cracking 'sure picked a bad day to stop sniffin' glue' and 'don't call me shirley' jokes.

I think he was also aiming for ironic when he shot my cat.

Ironic was the name of your dog?

We found it prudent to avoid mentioning we were from Auckland though ...

Yeah, but us Hamiltownians are safe enough – just don't mention dairy farming...

but i thought is was time for my kids to see the south island, given they've been to europe, asia & australia. let's hope it doesn't flood this december – the heavy rain warnings this morning didn't make me feel too optimistic!

The summer forecast for the south — warm and…

The trick is lots of stops at places where they can run around. Rest areas away from the road, etc.

A really good trick is to include a stop at the hot pools at Tokaanu.

Little buggers soon fall asleep afterwards.

Depends if it was done in an ironic 'geez, this cake's a bit dense' way, or in more of a 'Heeeeere's Johnny!" Jack Nicholson manner.

Aiming for the former, succeeding in the latter. I think he was also aiming for ironic when he shot my cat.

Define 'nutbar'. My dad put an axe through the Christmas cake one year.

One christmas a former in-law set fire to his eyebrows. Although that probably constitutes less "nutbar", more "catastrophically hirsute".

Define 'nutbar'. My dad put an axe through the Christmas cake one year.

Depends if it was done in an ironic 'geez, this cake's a bit dense' way, or in more of a 'Heeeeere's Johnny!" Jack Nicholson manner.

I mean, my arteries are now, fundamentally, aluminium tubing filled with chicken wire and shortening, but it was worth it.

Metaphor of the week, right there.

Your first Christmas with kids who are old enough to appreciate it is, well, magical. Awesome. I have photos somewhere of my fourteen month…

Christmases in Louisiana often included a Christmas Eve by an outside bonfire, roasting an entire pig over the flames

Did you have the traditional deep-fried turkey as well?

Here we go.

So did you ever post the recipe for stuffed turkey with cranberry & orange salsa?

Is that because she's bugging you, or because you can't wait to see how much she enjoys it?

Its important: one makes you a grinch, the other makes you an indulgent uncle. (no value judgement here: both have their place)