Public Address | Cafe | Stories: Bastards I Have Met

Grace Fraser

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:50:04 +1300

Hello Michale
I'm Grace Fraser, Rogers Daughter I read ur message today and it made me laugh, but also thought that you'd like to no if you have not been told that Mr. Joe Hatwell (the driver of the bus) is trying to make a claim on his estate after…

Che Tibby

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 21:44:14 +1200

In light of the numerous conversations about stripping going on, I thought I'd put up a story about a decent bastard, my middle brother Khan.

A few years back he was engaged to a girl from Queensland, and attention-seeking little bitch, who unceremoniously dumped him on the day of his…

Chockasunday

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 11:31:58 +1200

Ben's mention of no Poles in London flats reminded me of an old flatmate.
I'm not sure whether she qualifies as a bastard. The only corresponding term for women I can think of isn't one I like to use.
Let's just call her Evil Witch.

I lived in London a…

Jason Dykes

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 19:51:21 +1200

I have met many bastards – good, rich, poor, hairy, smelly, boring, stupid, cunning, evil and charming – but the one that comes to mind is the cowardly bastard.

In the early years, CB was entertaining. In a group, over a few drinks, he'd propose ridiculous schemes on which he'd…

Jackie Clark

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:29:31 +1200

Ew. Ew, ew, ew. I used to think he added colour to the cityscape. After that story, I just think "ew".

InternationalObserver

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 16:35:23 +1200

Okay, here's the Rainton Haistie story (one of many possible) ....

I had occassion to find myself working for him in the mid 80s. It was the same time that a certain animal sex video was doing the rounds of NZ, that apparently half of PA readers had seen at…

81stcolumn

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 01:09:47 +1200

I could tell you about the bloke who left the remains of my wrecked bike in a pile outside the hospital door after running me over. Or the bus driver who kicked me off the bus because I didn’t pay the right fare – even though I was injured with…

Felix Marwick

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 18:05:54 +1200

Bastard – complete and utter.

This goes to a foreman I had back in the days I worked in the Kiwifruit as a seasonal job to earn some cash to get me through varsity (or blow on booze).

Dave had the worst qualities you can ever find in someone whose…

Rob Hosking

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 11:37:20 +1200

I've blogged about my favourite bastard here. The guy has since been killed – drink driving. A bit grim, although the story about him is funny in a slightly creepy way.

Favourite good bastard: a mate of mine, a fellow journo from my early days on provincial newspapers. He was…

kmont

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 15:01:24 +1200

I guess you could be considered his handbag, in the "actress needs a fake date to the Oscars" way.

Russell Brown

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 14:48:54 +1200

Russell, is this Paul Rose? If so, what's he doing these days? I crossed paths with him when he lived in Dunedin and he always had great music-biz anecdotes.

He still does. He's selling ads for gaynz.com, driving limos and creating his customary mayhem. It was Paul who introduced me…

Grant McDougall

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 08:23:31 +1200

my mate Paul

Russell, is this Paul Rose? If so, what's he doing these days? I crossed paths with him when he lived in Dunedin and he always had great music-biz anecdotes.

andrew llewellyn

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 13:57:45 +1200

Mid 1980s (conceivably shortly before the 1984 election – because the "Continuance Club" was active at the time & met to commemorate that MP Keith Someone who fell over on his way home to Thorndon one night, and we were the anti-temperance lobby.)

I digress.

The bastard was a soccermate of…

Jeremy Andrew

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:48:45 +1200

I used to work with the bastard. There's a fine line between fiction and autobiography...

Michael Fitzgerald

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 20:53:27 +1200

Good Bastard
At the funeral on Friday we remembered Roger Fraser.
Described as being to the Right of Genghis Khan politically.
I always knew him as the Fat Controller (from Thomas the Tank Engine), he was my BSM for most the time I knew him. Then he became the Army…

Russell Brown

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 15:06:53 +1200

The Ascot apartments were a pretty strange place in the mid-1980s, when my mate Paul and I took up residence there. Big trucks graunched up Newton Road through the night, a youth worker who lived there was hauled out one day on child sex charges, and we fancied that at…

DeepRed6502

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 02:35:59 +1200

Seemingly half the student body at a very prestigious private school in ChCh I attended in the mid 1990s (not of my choosing). More like a creche for snob yobs, rural and urban alike.

Simon Grigg

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 15:03:50 +1200

Phil Warren...one of the greats, and a true bastard at times. I went to see him when I was 15 for advice, ended up in a joint venture with him when I was 29 for a year or two. We agreed to part ways after that, but remained true friends....I…

Emma Hart

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:44:53 +1200

Strangely enough, the first bastard that springs to mind is my old boss who I chronicled in last month's work stories discussion.

Ditto.

However, upon racking, Dan Pedersen came to mind.

Previous to moving to Chch, my partners had all been sort of Van, Tyson and Pascal types. My first…

InternationalObserver

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:00:00 +1200

Rainton might be dead, but his friends aren't.

The first rule of Fight Club is ...

FletcherB

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 13:24:46 +1200

How about....

a flat-mate, who, whilst generally a completely non-bastard..... would purposely fill up his two young kids with Fanta before the ex-wife collected them?

merc

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 13:23:08 +1200

I'm hopeless with stories, but those 2 words tell a story to those who know to whom I refer. He was kind of a mix between pure instinct and pure reason, like a silver back. Very tender with his children and well simply...primitive with others.

Robyn Gallagher

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 12:55:08 +1200

IO and Merc, this is the stories section, not the lists section, ow!

So tell a tale, don't just grunt out a name.

Strangely enough, the first bastard that springs to mind is my old boss who I chronicled in last month's work stories discussion.

So I shall rack my…

Mark Graham

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:53:26 +1200

Bad bastards – almost every boss I've ever worked for and one notable client whose management technique consisted of personal abuse on a daily basis.

merc

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:08:34 +1200

The Prez.

InternationalObserver

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 10:46:05 +1200

Rainton Haistie.

Russell Brown

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:48:56 +1200

Take the b-word how you like – at face value or in a loving Barry Crump way, but tell us about the crazies, critters and memorable types in general who've crossed your path. Because we all know there are good bastards and bad bastards …