The human body can't be improved by human intervention other than a good hair cut, brushing ones teeth, a decent diet and regular exercise.

Pish and tish. To take but one simple example, I can keep spare pens in my earlobes. This is of great benefit in my day to…

Looking at man-plumbing vs woman-plumbing a quick cut and sear is the easiest deal overall.
Cost is a reasonable factor too – surgery for less than 300 bucks FTW

Obviously I've been reading too much Freakonomics – always looking for the hidden meaning which actually might…

Don't know about overseas, but in NZ I got the nip/tuck and SC picked up the tab.

That was a major factor in my case.

Because as a general rule, NZ men are good husbands, good fathers and generally good bastards?

Pure pragmatism?

To be pendantic, he did…

I quite like the orthopedic butchery performed on my shoulder a while ago.

and decided then that any surgery for me would be because I would die otherwise.

So if you'd been in my position last year, Steve, you'd have left the brain tumor in and gone blind? There was no danger of death.

Well, all those pharmacy companies selling potions and lotions which claim to halt the aging process, and the hawkers of botox and plastic surgery, seem to believe otherwise.

Ah. Another area where the Catholic Church got things wrong, then. Although I think I've established from the comments here that anyone following the Churches' teachings on contraception has missed a trick.

For natural contraception, you just have to repeat 'catheter catheter…

I wasn't looking for improvement ; I was specifically interested in disabling a miraculous (and demonstrably operational) – but inconvenient – function of my body. My…

Gerald, if you're reading this, you owe me…

The first teste is always the hardest.

Is it possible that using this text, as I did, as a resource to teach English to foreign students is a form of cultural imperialism? At the time it just seemed…

So you're saying the V is like a batting power play?

Why threaten? Seems to me too many of them think with something other than their heads while batting so maybe a drop in testosterone levels might improve their shot selection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfmvkO5x6Ng

Can’t we just go to the cricket and talk about field placements?

Compliments of here

The first part is an oldie and a goodie. The rest I hadn't seen before but could be better.

Cricket is played by two sides.

The side that is In and the side…

Hosted at a domain called achewood.com. Aheheheheheh.

Willy good? Or willy, willy good ones?

I'll get me coat: this man is retreating. :)

Think of your testes as a cricket pitch. There are two sets of fieldsmen – one on the on-side and one on the off-side. You don't have to worry about the off-side – you can hit the ball through there all day and all night and never get…

i'd thought the same about the ABs, but there last few WC "finals" seem to have demonstrated they have none to start with.

At the very least Darwin might kick in making for better teams in future generations …

(as a side effect the very…

Can't we just go to the cricket and talk about field placements?

Um, yeah, what would you like to discuss?

I do that from time to time but generally with a bunch of lesbians... don't know what to make of that.

yup... my uncle was involved in them in Aust, and he can be as fruity the cake.

long since came out, thank christ. it turned him into a normal person.

But, but, I’ve done that with Emma and Megan before (Ok Hayden was there too), so that’s not sufficiently blokey, all in all.

And I would feel left out, having no idea what "field placements" means.

Now, THERE's…

Can't we just go to the cricket and talk about field placements?

It was at this time a book turned up next to the Tom Robbins on the shelf that promised to 'Make it happy'.

Oooo I have one of those – it has 4WD and bull bars, so it's the people mover of choice for middle-aged men in denial. When people see me dropping the kids off at music or picking them up from…

By “small handfuls of aromatic twigs”, I assume you mean “ rusty nail-studded cricket bat”? :)

swift-feather has already put up his drum.

also, re: prostate check, a few years back my grandfather got very very bad…

Yes, me too. The "birds and the bees" discussion in my early puberty was done by my mother, while Dad hid.

The music that had…

They may be shooting blanks, but they're shooting. Every post.

I now have a perverse desire for you all to gather in a circle in the bush somewhere and beat each other meaningfully with small handfuls of aromatic twigs.

as i can now speak as a father, biological children are pretty damn cool.

but you have to have one as a loaner, so be it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epz7WbhpHZo
“Scrotum, scrotum, it’s my wrinkly, crinkly bag of skin
Scrotum, scrotum, it’s the thing I keep my testes in”

(possibly NSFW depending on your W)

At 40 I discovered I have quite bad Osteoarthritis in my jaw. It makes masticating quite painful and I was warned against taking a serious knock to the chin. So I wear a full-face helmet on my scooter. Seems safer.
The alternative is … the men’s group.…

Try being gay and infertile – double baby-batter guilt trip! Can we just…

Not to start the competition thing again, but I understand that the counselling for vasectomies is nothing compared to the hurdles faced by women wanting tubal ligation, because, you know, all…

Yeah, frankly, the internet has enough of men and women not talking with each other, we can do without segregated discussions.

Yeah, QFT. The women might hear me talking about my penis... (horror!).

Are there any good willy jokes?

I don't know, but this guy is certainly trying..

Are there any good willy jokes?

Nah, you don't have to be quiet, but you probably need to stop fretting about us. I remember in Emma's penis thread you were all "oh, the men aren't…

Mine too!

But I didn't know about it until about two decades later. Back then, it was a hospital admission, and you didn't talk about it, at least not in Greymouth. My folks even invented a cover story about him…

You don't think there'd be a high degree of impotence amongst that mob?

Shuddery. And no proper anaesthetic-

I refuse to believe that this is physically possible. A tube would never go up there. It's a…

Except, with us (and a huge number of other Scots-descended people) it starts kicking in when you are 50…

we are reassured knowing that what we thought was exceptional was, in fact, exceptional, and that we are right to feel as awesome as we do for having been through it and coped.

Exactly. I just got something diagnostic done for something painful*, and while it was disappointing to see…

I have driven a 1997 Mitsubishi Delica Spacegear Jasper van/people-mover from 2001 until now. It has power steering & extremely comfortable seats, and handles excellently. I've driven it through heavy rainstorms; ice & snow, and…

And this is the best answer I can think of to the question upthread as to the use of pain-pissing-competitions (although in the context of kidney stones, that metaphor takes on a slightly different…

#2 midwife sisters (who are also extremely experienced general nurses, with additional degrees & all that. And several husbands/partners. And kids. Goodness, the things asexuals learn despite themselves!))

One of my life's weirdest physical sensations was peeing bubbles the first time after having the foley pulled out.

My wife just (monday night) gave birth to our second, and most likely last, child...

Have been thinking about this op quite a bit, especially motivated by seeing the, ah, business end of the process (according to obstebutchertrician because of complications from previous c-section…

No really, that wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Confessionals are much better when wimmins are involved.

What did I just say?

That’s fair, imagine this thread at kiwiblog… wait, don’t.

No fair, that’s like saying “don’t think about elephants”. But I suspect that team would have no trouble filling a supertanker with jizz in…

“Since the little buggers could barely swim prior to the assisted procreation we received with the helpful input of Demi-gods Richard and Mary, and the fact the only…

No fair, that's like saying "don't think about elephants". But I suspect that team would have no trouble filling a supertanker with jizz in no time.

Of two childbirths – one long with a posterior baby and one fast, furious and unmedicated – attempting to place the catheter before the epidural was far-and-away the most painful part.

Since I had no labour to speak of, I thought perhaps my catheter-cold-sweats were…

Someone already mentioned goatse in this thread. It's not often I get a chance to feel relatively prim while talking about jizz storage.

Just don't store it with your emergency pina colada mix.

Sorry, still adjusting to the idea that I need to add my bottled manhood to the emergency checklist.

Ack! Stop giving me reality checks, damn it!

(PAS is seemingly filled with people calmly accepting doom, who all read dystopian sf and liveblog the apocalypse [Tiso, I'm looking beadily at you]. Where my…

A heck of a lot of cat lovers do get a kitten after the old one dies. Not immediately, but love of cats can be general.

I'm quite nervous about…

Not sure if it worked but it…

What if one of your children die?

This was a shit of question, yeah. We were sitting there in the counselling session with our three month old daughter in the Plunket car seat next to us, and they were like, "Well, what if she dies, hmm? Have you thought about…

I was 27, and based on things I had read here-and-there wondered if this would be an issue. In the end the doctor in question (Stephen Calvely, working from the Onehunga…

Because I was under 30 at time, the Family Planning Clinic deemed that I required a counselling session first. The questions (and my answers) I recall were:

What if you want more children one day?
I already have a…

My friend (not mentioned on this thread) who is a vasectomy doctor is lovely, gentle and funny, and I recommend him. But…

Are you disrespecting Mr Jagger?

Same here for medical issues. If a guy is phobic about bending over and having his GP stick a finger up his butt…

I'm not sure that comparison holds unless you are referring to tubal ligation. And yes, that's a more major surgery than a vasectomy.

you know, i misread that sentence and substituted "impotence".

(10 Points for obscure Dunedin [edit] reference pertaining to this thread)

Quite right.

But I bet my kidney stone was bigger than Gio's.

Think of something boring... for Christ's sake think of something boring.

For Che.

Yup heard the same. The key thing is that was one person comparing pain of two things that happened to them.

As for comparing between people, please can we just say whatever it is simply caused pain. Pissing contests over…

If I had a nickel for every time I thought that...

i saw a doco on it on the telly (back when i watched one), and immediately thought, "i need to introduce more fibre to my diet, TODAY."

Partly because any of this seems a long way away...

Until you reach the point, as I did once last year, where they say "We have to be a bit more careful with the painkillers…

not childbirth, but you don't get to take home a bundle of joy. only that look on the face of the ex-girlfriend who sees you walking out of the clinic.

Oddly enough, I've had a fellow (female) gout sufferer insist to me that the top end of that sucker was worse than childbirth. Not that I'm going…

Oh yes.

Oh, it wasn’t like the tube actually hurt much. The kidney stone emergency that preceded it, on the other hand … fark.

I like the way…

faaaaaaaaarrrkkk... i forgot.

At least it wasn’t macaroni salad
Certainly for comic purposes I considered macaroni cheese, but thought I’d be honest, since we’re sharing. Quite apart from not needing that particular…

He had the chop in…

please someone pass me my clothes, and take this drum.

i am swiftfeather no longer.

Let me just say that I do not recommend having it put into the corresponding girl-parts while you’re awake and sober. The…

i learned that not all things crotch-related are…

If I ever have this procedure done, I shall be insisting on an epidural.

Heh. One of my life's weirdest physical sensations was having the catheter pulled out. Not really painful – just weird.

they say better safe than sorry, but damn finding i was safe made me sorry.

a freaking chimney brush and the oldfella – evil.

Family Planning sometime around 1992ish. Lay down. Undies down. Jabbed a la harpoon (nice description). Two nurses. Chat chat chat. "Just lifting this out, tie the knot and ...snip...there...all done". Number two. "Just lifting out, tie the knot and...snip....forget to let go tong thingys.....streeeeetch vas....finally remember to let…

At least it wasn't macaroni salad

You’re talking to someone who once woke in hospital and was surprised – nay, alarmed – to find that a plastic tube has been inserted in his penis. I am hearing you.

afterwards i had three (3!) nurses tiding up the litre or so of blood with water and…

I think it's because we're one of the least religious countries in the world.

Sheer bang-for-buck practicality.

My partner's was paid for by the State, through Family Planning, because we were on a benefit at the time. The grant is, co-incidentally, exactly the same amount of money as the cost of a vasectomy.

Midwife sisters...

I submit that you hallucinated that. Surely.

When I was 19 I was hit in the testicle by a cricket ball (indoor cricket, cracking on-drive, no box) which knocked me out. It swelled to the size of a grapefruit and thanks to medical insurance I was admitted to a private catholic hospital.…

As it happens, New Zealand has the highest rate of vasectomies. I wonder why it's come so widespread and, indeed, culturally acceptable here.

Sheer bang-for-buck practicality. It is, I suppose, the same reason why Aotearoa is the only country in the Western world where women regularly mow the lawns (I…

And you know why Paul can't…

Good post Paul, was interesting for the little differences as well as a few similarities. Australia were playing the All Blacks at Westpac Stadium the day after mine so my surgeon happily did it…

With informative pdf. And a page for Dr Young. He can also do your ingrown toenails while you're there.

Now what am I going to do?

My wife has had a…

No, actually, possibly not the circumstances I’d most like to meet you all in. “So how did the defoliation go for you?” [Looks at area in question] “Not…

1. have had to shave genitals, and took to referring to privates as "the baby elephant". was wondering if you did the same.

2. did you know that we have a clinic here in wellington called, 'snip vasectomy clinic'?

Technique also varies between practitioners. Dr Young uses the keyhole method, which is supposedly less invasive and faster. No stiches either. Since one only gets to enjoy this procedure once, it’s hard to compare with the other, tradtional metod.

ETA: Described better here.

5. Time the snipping to coincide with a good sporting event on telly. For me it was the 1996 Olympics. If you are good at feigning acute discomfort, you should be able to lie on the couch for at least 3 days, whilst being served meals and…

In Wellington they do the vasectomies on Friday afternoon so the poor men have the weekend to recover. I hear that sometimes their wives ask for it to be done without anaesthetic.

Otherwise unimpressed. Try pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, D and C, cone biopsies, smear tests etc etc.

You know, I…

Or you could try being married to a douche bag who refuses to have a vasectomy (or wear a condom during sex) because his orgasm and ego was more important than the health and safety…

They didn't remove the bit of macaroni for mine just made the (tiny) cut and sealed the ends with a laser. Which turned out to be the worst part of the whole thing because you really really don't want to smell your own bits burning.

I'm sure that you weren't going for any pain prizes, so I'll just say thank you for having the, umm, gumption to do this, even…

Otherwise unimpressed. Try pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, D and C, cone biopsies, smear tests etc etc.