The mild mannered David H attracts a troll and a flame war starts. And this inspired by a hilarious description of the (traumatic) events occurring in the first few months of a new life!!

Good grief what next??

I’m sorry…

My other half tried it with her fibro and it was agonising.

I'd like to talk to you about fibro.

Wow, I haven't heard THAT one before.

Great advice, and important to remember at 4am when you look at each other and really really don't know what to do next. It also helps when you "know" that something isn't right and the first/second/third authority figure doesn't get it.

My first experience…

the acupuncture thing is interesting... ACC funds acupuncture treatment, and given their tightness, that's quite significant.

Acupuncture is also funded under an Invalid/Sickness benefit, as long as the acupuncture is carried out by a GP – whether or not that GP has acupuncture-specific training.

I was extremely skeptical when I…

the acupuncture thing is interesting... ACC funds acupuncture treatment, and given their tightness, that's quite significant. My own experience (not with pregnancy, needless to say) is that it is quite useful but there is a diminishing return over time.…

and then, to top it all off, they tell you that only Western women get morning sickness, so clearly, if you are experiencing it, it is YOUR FAULT.

My dad tried telling me that acupuncture being a cure for my morning sickness was 'all in my head'

I said **I…

pointing out the already obvious

I had morning sickness both pregnancies.
whole 9 months with the first.
2nd pregnancy it got so bad I couldn't even keep water down – the doctor said – 'lets try acupuncture – if this doesn't work we will have to…

After putting them down sit with them with your hand on their chest until they go to sleep. The next…

Having had 14 weeks of morning sickness I did get a little sick (boom boom) of people giving me handy tips to stop it.

And then, to top it all off, they tell you that only Western women get morning sickness, so clearly, if you are experiencing…

The only 3 bits of advice I ever give new/expecting parents:

Get ready for the biggest, longest, mostly unintentional pissing contest you'll ever have with every other parent for the rest of your life.

Do it your way and don't feel bad about it -…

I sympathise with Bob's reflux. Never nice being introduced to the world when it's filled with pain and I will remain ever grateful that was one problem we didn't have to deal with. Good luck.

The good news: we now know that Jimmy was probably in a lot of pain…

Having had 14 weeks of morning sickness I did get a little sick (boom boom) of people giving me handy tips to stop it. I was nauseous and…

Yes, indeedy. And, as Emma rightfully corrected me, one size does not fit all.

My daughter (9 months with the curl in the middle of her forrid...) tends to cry in a particularly demanding and…

"Sack your midwife"

Have to agree: what with the Breastapo, the creationist ante-natal group and the bizarre mumbo jumbo witch doctor crap that our midwife seemed to make up on the spot we ended up firmly in the "planned C section / good drugs…

The furthest I'd go would be to say, disciplined sleep-pattern setting works for healthy babies.

Sorry, I meant to imply that. I should have been more explicit, our firstborn had reflux, although not as bad as Bob's sounds. We found using a saf-t-sleep velcro thingy and elevating the head end…

Despite being tough (at times), I think Sarah Flynn's comment sums up my own feelings about parenting:

Parenting is the bomb, it'll make you nostalgically remember…

Check nappy; check the cry (are they in pain (pretty unlikely, really) or just WANT TO BE PICKED UP. NOW.

Mark, dude, you cherry-picked my comment, took what you wanted and ignored the end of it. And I'll go back and reiterate what I said earlier as well: any 'one…

If you don't tell them where the lines of acceptable behaviour are, its your fault if they grow up not knowing them.

Mmmm – is that a recipe for the repair of the breakdown of society? ;)

I was telling my 8y.o. last night that it my job as a parent to make sure that he knows how to be a grownup when he gets…

Then friends had a colicky reflux baby and I realised I was back to knowing sweet frack all about anything.

Jimmy had colic — whatever the hell that actually is. I spent so many hours walking in circles with him on my shoulder (because of a birth injury he couldn't…

I wish I know now about getting babies to sleep by themselves when I went through child number 1.

Our daughter – our second child – is named after our midwife, who gave us back sleep after the birth of our first. He'd go to sleep in your arms, put…

I don't think I can read this thread anymore, because it's making my ovaries twinge.

I feel ya, sister.

As a practising clean-freak, I am fascinated. What are these mysterious "blue things", and how can I buy one?

Umm, nappy liners, those are the words I couldn't find yesterday. Look like blue and white chux cloths, but they fall apart and I think you can flush them as they…

Our most difficult time with John Sebastian was a series of ear infections that began at around 6 months that finally culminated in having tubes put in his ear drums. We had about 3 months of having an ear infection every other week.

I'm with James on this one, if…

I don't think I can read this thread anymore, because it's making my ovaries twinge.

Every night as I head to bed, I check on my three sleeping girls, tuck them under the covers, give them a kiss, and think how beautiful they are. A few years ago, I realised my mother must have done this for me when I was a child, and…

My wife and I have a 2 year old who is such a delightful, beautiful child, that I find…

I'm expecting twin boys in February.

Wow, congratulations, dude! Double the fun!

That vasectomy was probably the first step I took on the road to recovery.

OH, vasectomy... My brother and his wife had a couple of very disheartening false starts before they finally had their second (and decisively last) child. My brother was totally planning the vasectomy right from the three-month…

Still.

What is it that makes us…

But the best thing about it, was that…

I'm expecting twin boys in February.

and this:

Actually, something I've been feeling recently is a lack of patience with people commiserating with me over how I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. A little patronising, wot?

Yes – it's the commiseration that's patronising.…

Especially as I am really bad at dealing with stinky, gooey substances.

You'll learn – they might be stinky & gooey, but somehow your own sprogs emissions are less objectionable than those of other people's.
Either that or you invoke the traditional "I was in labour for xteen hours – you…

Readers may be interested in this, which I am slowly reading my way through in preparation for the alleged arrival of my first child sometime in the next four months or so.…

I know! How about a ritual disemvowelling?

Yes, there's nothing like a nice, slow vowel-stripping.

That suggestion is 100 per cent pure genius, Craig. In fact, I'm printing out a hard copy for my future blackmailing needs as I type these words...

Neither of those will work. They'll just look at you and go "Email!? Man, that's so 2007. None of my friends will…

A callow nerd with few friends and a chip on the shoulder would be my guess.

But that's my troll feeding quota filled for the month.

While we encourage vigorous debate, we require forum users to refrain from personal abuse and aggressive behaviour towards others. Posts which breach this policy will be deleted by moderators…

It has come in a bit handy for gardening, and crosswords, and interpreting medical notes. There…

You're whining about something you could easily…

To completely change the subject somewhat, you might like to try and get hold of a copy of this for bedtime reading. aahh memories

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambridge_Latin_Course

Round of applause for J Wilkinson!

That's all I can say.

What you're saying is "no-one knows until they join the club".

Frankly; that's bull-shit.

Parents are completely reactionary, which is EXACTLY why people like me don't respond to what you say.

I'm not criticising parents.

I'm saying it's a job not everyone is suited…

Thank you for talking about me in the same breath as child abusers and people "who simply shouldn't chose parenthood".

You don't know the first thing about me. And you sure as hell don't know what I've been through caring for this child and making sure that his needs…

Hmmmm...

Can I suggest that we just all ignore the ignoramus?

I can understand why the rates of child abuse are so bad in this country.

People who simply shouldn't chose parenthood, do.

It's supposedly "the biggest decision you make".

If this is the case, why is so…

I didn't get the impression the original post was complaining, just a rather ruefully humorous sharing of experiences.

Parents do this a lot. It's a way of bonding, I suppose, and I guess to non-parents it perhaps looks like complaining. It ain't.

I'm so sick and tired of people complaining about how hard it is to be a parent.

Yawn.......

You chose it. Live with it...

Dude, that wasn't sarcasm — that was abject humbleness.

Sorry. I am apparently completely unable to detect sincerity these days. Habituation, I suspect.

... if that made no sense, pea pods here

We are using 'bum genius' which seems to be a similar system.

you just need to use one of those blue things to catch the brown stuff.

As a practising clean-freak, I am fascinated. What are these mysterious…

Ah, just wait until Wee Rodders is a petulant, dirty teenager then threaten to e-mail this post to all his friends.

That suggestion is 100 per cent pure genius, Craig. In fact, I'm printing out a hard copy for my future blackmailing needs as I type these words...

Neither of…

Your sarcasm will get you nowhere, Haywood.

Dude, that wasn't sarcasm — that was abject humbleness.

But glad that I can be an example of how much worse things can get...

Oh, Emma, I was so wrong, and you were so right.

Your sarcasm will get you nowhere, Haywood.

Seriously, I do feel a wee tad guilty, it's like I cursed you or something. And in the midst of having two grumpy hormonal pre-adolescents, it's good to be reminded how much…

Ah, just wait until Wee Rodders is a petulant, dirty teenager then threaten to e-mail this post to all his friends.

That suggestion is 100 per cent pure genius, Craig. In fact, I'm printing out a hard copy for my future blackmailing needs as I type these…

I'm not a parent and have no plans to become one. But you have my sympathy and gratitude that you and your partner are passing your genes on.

I have no experience from which to give advice. But remember biology isn't that much different from engineering – more than…

welcome to The Parenting Wars..

Bullshit diagnosis is kind of unavoidable with CFS/ME, isn't it? I had it myself for four years – a relativley mild dose, but it put an end to my Law School studies – and the nature of the beast seems to be it isn't clear what it is for…

You know your…

My other half has ME

...

I developed CFS as a result of a post-natal infection after the birth of my daughter. Cutting through all the bullshit incorrect diagnoses, when we finally got on the right track, I was told by every health professional I met to stop breast-feeding. Something about…

Its an unappreciated fact of nature that traumatic amnesia is almost solely responsible for the ability of the human race to keep the birth rate above the death rate...

Though with the internet breaking it down, allowing information to percolate and last forever, that won't last forever.

I think those…

This is because all new parents make screw ups,…

They also refuse to tell you what brand of formula they use so as not to be seen…

Pat yourself on…

But when we finally got diagnosed with Reflux by Paed he said overfeeding a reflux baby is the worst thing you can do because feeding stimulates the stomach acid in anticipation of digestion which in turn makes…

I feel like I've helpfully intoned "ah, but you'll forget the hard times" so often that it even sounds trite and hollow to me.

And you do, until someone writes a piece like that, and it all comes flooding back as you whimper 'yes' and pound on your wrist-rest while…

I know I shouldn't laugh about other people's woes. but I did. In sympathy with you, of course.

Anyway, thank you for a post that was both hilarious and life-affirming: by which I mean that it has thoroughly affirmed my life choice to be a childless bachelor.

In case any of you non-parents out there are entertaining the notion that there might be a tiny bit of hyperbole involved... there's not, that's pretty much an impartial, documentary-style, cinema verite of a blog post. That's exactly what parenthood is like

(for the first child, some conditions…

If you can string sentences together like that I'm afraid you're still getting enough sleep…

Other than that.....choice.

Or you can go the…