... a wriggling sugar sack in one hand, and I dread to think what, in the other...

Brown slugs!

his Cleopatra eyes glistening like gaffed eels

Gold

Laws' writing reminds me of the emphatic, repetitive, and…

I once tried this (writing like Lhaws) many years ago when reviewing one of his soon-to-be-remaindered 'books' for NBR. By the end of it all I felt like my neurons were so scrambled I needed to be strapped into some Joe 90-type mind-altering device and spun round…

Michael Flaws "The Worth lesson" don't get caught", in the Sunday Star-Times, A8

Prose style!

You know, I thought so too at first, but then I remembered that gorging yourself on mayonnaise and chocolate for hours on end every day still counts technically as a 'diet'. The word style works in much the same way.

How the PC brigade must be cheering.

-which is mikey laws gig.

What is P.C?
It's not talking…

Must edit page before posting....

"I'm not worthy! I am Worthy"

Other than that, though,…

Nor is his depiction of lesbians as vicious, dildo-wielding loonies likely to win him much popularity with gay women.

Hey, I am vicious and dildo-wielding, but only when people ask me nicely. Laws and his ilk should be so lucky.

But yes, Roflnui indeed!

I believe Mr Haywood has proved that exaggerating Lhaws just makes him sound like Wishart.

May I humbly point out Mr Tiso that I suggested that Heinlein would be beneath him ?

Ah, very sorry. Please accept this exquisite antique brass monkey as a token of my regret.

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

May I humbly point out Mr Tiso that I…

Of course, the PC brigade have put a stop to all that. Now, we are told, they must be called 'Plunket nurses'.

That's them. Plunket nurses, the real shock troops in the ongoing pogrom against blokehood. Where once Rambo strode the earth with his rolling slo-mo gait of blokey confidence,…

Meanwhile, any…

...thought maybe that given the contxt the Heinlein quote could have been The Moon is a Harsh Mistress , The Puppet Masters or even…

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

This supports the theory that "Michael Laws" is in…

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy book of poetry of a dear friend?

Really, if he's got…

You presume incorrectly. Institute of modern letters under the tutorship and tutelage of Bill Manhire, biatch.

Oh dear, so what they told me about Vic Uni when I was at Auckland was true? If Lhaws is a graduate I guess they were right

David, did you apply eye shadow when you wrote this, just to make sure you really got into character?

I slathered my eyes with mascara until I looked like a giant sexually-ambiguous panda.

Mind you, all pandas look sexually-ambiguous to me.

philipmatthews quoting Iain Sharp wrote:

Nor…

I presume you mean Queen Victoria and not the institute of academia.

You presume incorrectly. Institute of modern letters under the tutorship and tutelage of Bill Manhire, biatch.

Oops! Crossed wires / intertextualities / somethings.

Ah, yeah, my apologies, I got that totally backwards.

"MICHAEL LAWS'S fictional debut…

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria

I presume you mean Queen Victoria and not the institute of academia.

The real mayor of Whanganui would never make that mistake.

I think recognising the original quote from the 'get on with it' sollioquy from Macbeth is LESS geeky

Oops! Crossed wires / intertextualities / somethings.

I meant that it was easy enough to get the quote from Macbeth, but that it takes a real geek to get the…

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria

His interpretation of reality is nothing if not creative.

Please note that this is a work of satire. It is not a real column by Michael Laws — however closely it resembles his prose style

..and you don't look anything like him..and you have better clothes sense!

answer : aint a novel – its from Macbeth.
If it were done when it is done – twere well it were done quickly – if the assassination could travel up the consequence…

I feel that Lhaws is probably writing a column on those lines and will struggle to avoid intertextuality with your version.

Hey, you leave Lhaws' intertexistezes out of this!

A small whlaw but surely such discourse is beneath the reading age of mhighty Mike ?

Can I point out once again that Micael Lhaws* holds an MA in creative writing from Victoria and that at the time when I came across him he had just published the very worthy…

BTW. Brown Owl reference....LMFAO

Just a little joke for those familiar with the hierarchy of the Girl Guide movement (my sister was a Brownie). Glad someone got it.

Emma Hart wrote:

I am experiencing the kind of indignation that manifests itself in hysterical laughter.

Hey, note the asterisk…

Some choice quotes (from memory, obviously):

"This beat-up is the New Zealand media at its worst."

"Richard Worth is a man who has done nothing wrong ."

It's OK, because…

'S all relative. (Or is that incest – a.k.a. 'rolling your own')

It's like living in a Robert Heinlein novel

A small whlaw but surely such discourse is beneath the reading age of mhighty Mike ?

Can somone offer a pronunciation guide for Lhaws I've just been sprayed with tea for my attempt.

Bzy wkn hrd bzzzz.

BTW. Brown Owl reference....LMFAO

Now juxtaposed, that'd be a good word Key word too ...

Sorry, was shtuttering my Key words.

A WARNING: what happens is this. Emma Hart says: "Oh, you can't understand Western Civilization if you haven't read Heinlein" (or words to that effect*).

I am experiencing the kind of indignation that manifests itself in hysterical laughter. I think what I said was something along the lines of 'not…

A WARNING: what happens is this. Emma Hart says: "Oh, you can't understand Western Civilization if you haven't read Heinlein" (or words to that effect*). And then she herself forgets what's in Heinlein's books.

The quote was, of…

I feel that Lhaws is probably writing a column on those lines and will struggle to avoid intertextuality with your version..

Seeing this juxtaposed with Emma's post, you'd have to amend this to "bitextuality" surely.
Now juxtaposed, that'd be a good word Key word too ...

So you would have to be especially geeky to get where the misquote comes from.

Okay, see, I think recognising the original quote from the 'get on with it' sollioquy from Macbeth is LESS geeky. (I.7, 'If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well/ It were done quickly'.)…

It takes a certain level of staggering genius to manage to sound exactly like Lawhs, yet also tweak the prose so the dial turns to 'even more batshit'.

This. It's the real Laws turned up just one more notch, just when we thought he was completely beyond parody.

Well done…

staggering genius

I love the way the end so precisely contradicts the beginning. It almost makes me want to read Lhaws' column this week. Almost. But not.

[Bonus geek points: can you identify which novel the "T'were well it done quickly" quote is from.]

I'm almost relieved I can't do…

But I think I get the gist (and the mockery).

I know where you live, matey...

Put that in especially for you, Emma.

[Bonus geek points: can you identify which novel the "T'were well it done quickly" quote is from.]

I assume that's a piss-take?

Sort of a piss-take. Sort of a homage to the awesome logical structure of Michael…

New Zealand has arguably become the most dangerous and crime-ridden country on earth

Kudos.

It's like living in a Robert Heinlein novel.

I know where you live, matey...

Let's face it, as far as the hairy-legged lesbians in the Labour Party are concerned, it's a crime to be male. You're no longer safe in your own home.

That was certainly the line by certain oily flail for a number of years over the "unfair" treatment of Dover Samuels.…