No further encouragement for our undercover provocateur, please.. :)

Is that what you sophisticates are calling it now?

your words often make my lips do that little thing........what is it again?

No further encouragement for our undercover provocateur, please.. :)

As for graphic threads, right now I'm imagining Craig as a potty-mouthed circus-master in spangly disco lurex for some reason. I've speculated before that he's a pot o gold for Mr Brown's revenue streams, but probably a source of perpetual disappointment for googlers led astray.

Even more disappointed when you…

What does Alan Bollard drive?

A hard bargain? :)

Is there something about Rod Drury that you're not telling us? :)

Only until the publication of 'A Night Out With Rod Drury'?

Hmm. It doesn't have the same ring to it. What does Alan Bollard drive?

Something you're never going to manage in a Maserati, frankly.

Is there something about Rod Drury that you're not telling us? :)

So she jumps in from the driver's side? How does that work?

It's like that 'sliding across the bonnet' thing. Only from the inside. In a short skirt. Minding the gearstick. Something you're never going to manage in a Maserati, frankly.

"There's a lot of wealth in New Zealand ... if you tap into it."

And sex workers, it seems, know how to do just that. Spot a Bentley, Porshe or Maserati, walk confidently up to the driver's side, open the car door and ask…

Emphasis added in the interest of belabouring the point that this woman would like others not to view her as a victim, but the New Zealand Herald doesn't give a shit.

That'd be my analysis. It's probably sad that doesn't even surprise me.

For sheer salaciousness, try this from Stuff…

Deliciously ambiguous.

Quite!

Just imagine a slightly lower voice,…

We're just not sufficiently enlightened, Danielle.

I think that's pretty obvious. But if I may impersonate one of those creepy male feminists for a moment... can I get your opinion on the following lead on the New Zealand Herald as of right now?

__I'm no victim, I'm a survivor: **Rape…

an enlightened woman

Chicks don't exist to be tastefulness-arbiters, do they? (If they do, I'm a total failure.)

We're just not sufficiently enlightened, Danielle.

Chicks don't exist to be tastefulness-arbiters, do they? (If they do, I'm a total failure.)

Goddess, no. In fact, the PAS Women's XV has occasionally made me blush. Which I thought was a physiological impossibility.

Sacha is a bloke eh? That's bad parenting that is.

I don't know why English speakers assume that when a foreign name ends with "a", it must be feminine even when it isn't – witness Nicola and Andrea (and Andrea actually means male – go figure) – but as far…

an enlightened woman

Chicks don't exist to be tastefulness-arbiters, do they? (If they do, I'm a total failure.)

In that overly graphic way she has of actually being a he.

Sacha is a bloke eh? That's bad parenting that is. Let that be an example to Mr Haywood.

Sacha is probably buzy elsewhere making insentive comments...There I was thinking that's an enlightened woman when he was cracking jokes…

(where's Sacha?...she seems to be good on overly graphic threads).

In that overly graphic way she has of actually being a he.

Meh... This out: "I don't mean to be rude, but I was in the middle of having sexual intercourse. If I'm away for too long, he's going to finish himself off and go to sleep. Bye."

shit you're really don't want to take some of this stuff out of context....even…

Argh, right, well let me add that the thing about phone calls from commercially motivated people that really rips my knickers is exploitation of my sense of courtesy via a script

Meh... This out: "I don't mean to be rude, but I was in the middle of having sexual intercourse.…

I'm thinking here of conversations that go:

Caller: Can I speak to Mr Judd please?
Me: Yeeessss?
Caller: How…

VTNZ – What is with them! They say

Unlike many other testing stations and all garages, VTNZ doesn't carry out repairs – so our customers can be confident that we only fail vehicle when there is a safety issue. Our customers then take it to a…

Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

Yes, that and Centrepoint.

Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

Last night's 3 News had a Cultwatch pundit talking "Waco". I think both associations are too extreme, but this is still scary shit.

What about Destiny City??

Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

None taken.

Well of course not, I mean you need a hide like a rhino to be involved in the phonespam biz . . .

Seriously, tho, if charity callers were doing it from the goodness of their hearts it'd be a minor crime to be rude to them. Unfortunately…

None taken.

Just the kind of insincere phrase I've come to expect from your kind... :)

Seriously, no particular personal animus to telemarketers here at least – I just don't see why I should spend my (increasingly precious) time answering questions of no interest to me. On the rare occasions…

Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is inherently misleading – only those who don't have a life

None taken.

I was suspicious from…

I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other shmoe gets called.

Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is inherently…

Family Health Diary as the prime example of the modern snake oil sales pitch. Find a suitable ache, itch or disfunction and create a pill or potion to cure it. Never mind whether it works or not, slap on a high price and promote the hell out of it.

Wait,…

I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other shmoe gets called.

Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is…

Telephone marketing surveys that assume I give a shit what petrol station I go to.

Amazing. I got asked that identical question at least 10 years ago, and the surveyor could not/would not believe that I had no preference but price and proximity. There was no way for her to…

So how do you poll 1,000s of people and with good response rates?

Here's a thought: how about you don't. Unless it's for some public policy higher purpose, but in eleven years in New Zealand I've yet to come across one of those (and I ALWAYS ask).

Telephone marketing surveys

So how do you poll 1,000s of people and with good response rates?

I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other…

About 75% of all librarians. Anal self-importance, puffery, and insanely insular over-analysis characterise way too many people in this profession. This is not brain surgery and you are not that important. Shut up.

I just got ten minutes of obstructive bollocks from a librarian who wouldn't let me pick up…

I guess it would have been more correct for me to say that "rapt", "rapture" and "rape" all come from the same place.

Saw the pun, of course, but would still bet good money that whoever made the joke thinks 'wrapped' is the correct spelling of 'rapt'...

That's just assuming we're better than everybody else and I'm so against that.

(I'd have just said Telephone marketing surveys, but I figure that saying they're…

Yes, although in that case it's a pun (it's a ribbon – get it?).

Saw the pun, of course, but would still bet good money that whoever made the joke thinks 'wrapped' is the correct spelling of 'rapt'...

@Josh:

I was interested to discover a while ago that "rapt"…

Type-A Man and this very fine blog disagree.

Sorry: Type-A Man agrees, the blogger disagrees.

corporate style at the expense of sounding sensible to normal human beings

Yes. And let's just add corporate-speak in general. When a table in Word becomes a 'matrix', and some basic research becomes an 'environmental scan', and everyone's job title is five words long and still fails to describe what…

Signs that say "12 items or Less

Type-A Man and this very fine blog disagree.

Actually, this is such a useful indicator of 'sophisticated'…

Danielle I'm sorry you've being voted off the island. The Craig/Stewart/Jon Tribe has spoken.

Leave me out of this... We Janeites have to stick together, though we're not going to mention Fanny Price. :)

Me me me. I love those shows

Many of those shows are poison as they desensitize society towards undesirable behavour. At least Soap Operas have that thin veneer of art and cartoons...they're so unreal that nobody's really influenced by them....well that's my excuse. (respect my authori-TAY)

Danielle I'm…

So why particulalry select the seemingly bland Julia for a bit of a spray?

Because in spite of her blandness, she is still a highly paid A-List actress. I seriously can't fathom how, in the age of micro attention spans and flash-in-the-pan stars du jour barely scraping in their allotted…

Part of me asks what the hell kind of person is entertained by watching people regularly being reduced to hysterics?

Me me me. I love those shows because you'll often get a ten-year-old kid commenting on the action more maturely (and more hilariously) than either of his or her parents.…

Maybe it's just me...

No it isn't. Part me asks what the hell kind of person is entertained by watching people reguarly being reduced to hysterics? Then my bastard hind-brain kicks in and mutters: "Why waste your sympathy on people who must know what this show is like, but they…

wrapped (instead of 'rapt' – seen the huge ad on the Il Casino building?)

Yes, although in that case it's a pun (it's a ribbon – get it?).

People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

Like this

Aw man, what a boredom buster! I've just fired off 15 letters signed as Ray Gilbert, to 6 newspapers on sunspot activity & its effects on United…

I watch it out of the corner of my eye, cos I quite like some of the families who get fab new houses.

Oh, I have cried like a child at some of those families getting somewhere nice to live. Particularly if they were in a leaking rat-hole before. But…

Ads being louder than telly programmes. Can someone sort this out please?

I second that emotion. Fervently.

And on that theme – **TV channels that advertise the show I'm about to…

Examples of this would include LMAO at

Josh :

...forcing the media to start writing stories about "Gategate".

Emma :…

People who say 'exscape'

When I was at teachers college (I have 3/4 of a diploma) I had a language tutor who said "execitive" and "aventure" for "executive" and "adventure".

those dickheads who refuse to move their giant shoulder bag from the seat beside them when the bus is getting…

People who say "Princess Wharf" or "Princess Street".

People who own cars with an insignia cover for the boot keyhole, but leave the cover flicked up ALL THE TIME

Yes! Bloody Nissan Bluebird owners...
Plus, on a related whinge, people in front of you in a queue with the tag sticking out the back of their shirt neck…

People who own cars with an insignia cover for the boot keyhole, but leave the cover flicked up ALL THE TIME
Animals.

Oh God, be it a New Beetle, Alfa Romeo, anything at all... I've been riding through traffic, seen this, and many times have scarce resisted the temptation to…

Julia Roberts ... Is it her enormous mouth?

Of course it is her enormous mouth, (and as with Keira Knightley), enormous eyes too. They say, you must be VERY big, I have to have such a large mouth to accommodate you, and my eyes are popping iin response to you!

People who say, 'Oh I'm SOOO jealous' when you tell them you're going on holiday
Apart from the fact that the reason I'm going on holiday is that…

What I do mind is people who take their dog for a walk in an offleash park and the poor bugger is on a leash.

Speaking as someone who takes his dogs to an offleash park, and doesn't always take them off leash... one of my dogs doesn't always play…

Dude, don't be hating on cephalopods.

I'd quite like that on a t-shirt.

RB, your wish is my command

Dude, don't be hating on cephalopods.

I'd quite like that on a t-shirt.

What about this one?
Or this one?

In regards to...

Snap – and likewise "in terms of". It's as if the word "about" isn't good enough any more.

Many mistakes seem to come from people using big words or phrases when small ones would do just fine, and when they simply aren't smart enough to successfully embellish…

Dude, don't be hating on cephalopods.

I'd quite like that on a t-shirt.

What is the point of crossing live to a reporter standing in front of a building, telling us what might or might not be going on inside that building, when exactly the same information could have been conveyed from the studio.

Dude, you haven't been watching enough TV news. The…

The top google result under my name is ...

For some strange reason, I keep getting pages about Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes.

this chick

From that Wikipedia article:

It was here that she became a strip tease artiste, a performance that involved striking lewd poses for the viewers. This act she would later refine by removing the nudity and lewdness, and developing it into what would become her Attitudes.

Striptease: ur doing…

There are an awful lot of foods that aren't meat. I can't tell if I'm going to like your lasagne or sandwich or pie if all you'll tell me is what isn't in it.

Shit, we're a boring bunch.

Perhaps, but I'm over being embarrassed about receiving a fairly decent education in spite of myself. And what's wrong with being boring? We can't all be Dante __Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita / mi ritrovai per una selva oscura, / ché la diritta…

But there was the highly amusing time that my student…

I find it really pleasing that the top google result for my name is this chick.

Nice! Spare a thought for my son, though: even though his name is spelt differently, my son's Google top result is always going to be this delightful fella. Unless Joseph finds a cure for…

People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

Like this

My mother wrote a letter to the Timaru Herald to explain that she wasn't the Audrey Hart who kept writing letters to the Timaru Herald.

I…

People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

The top google result under my name is a young right-winger bozo's Facebook page. I rule the rest of the top results, but that's even worse because that…

Like this

Ray Gilbert
John Howard stepped in and acted to stop abuse in Aboriginal communities. Typically he was howled down by the PC brigade as a racist…

Plus, I get unreasonably annoyed at people who use exclamation marks in their status updates on Facebook. Now there's an anxiety for the modern world.

And I get annoyed at John Hodgman, who isn't as funny as he should be.

Almost as clever as when they think "refute" means the same as "deny".

Or "imply" the same as "infer".

Shit, we're a boring bunch.

People who think "disinterested" means the same as "uninterested" and that they are clever for using it.

Almost as clever as when they think "refute" means the same as "deny".

– Journalists who just kind of make statements at interviewees instead of asking *actual questions*

– Most TV sports news. Unless it's the day after…

I'm only surprised they don't go the whole hog and use a handheld camera and lower grade visuals, for extra "authenticity".

TVNZ already do that with footage from overseas. It looks like they're with shooting a cellphone.

Perhaps Americans do understand irony after all!

I'd add to the list people who make stupid generalisations about "Americans"

I would stay longer, but I have to go to Media7. I also dislike people on threads who comment and…

Her: "And it's so funny how you all say "literally" when it's clearly not"
Local: "I know, we literally do it all the time..."
Her: ...

Perhaps Americans do understand irony after all!

Wait. What squid at Kelly Tarlton's? I just figured you meant the one at Te Papa

The one I saw was at KT's Underwater World in Auckland.

Isn't it one of their arms that just happens to also have a sperm-shooter?

Stop spoiling my perfectly good posts with your confounded…

Oftentimes they are crossing "live" to a reporter in the newsroom.

Exactly. Like somehow the information is better if it is happening right now – but for some reason it needs to be anywhere other than the studio, even if it's just down the corridor. I'm only surprised they don't…

Every news report about giant squid absolutely has to mention the 90cm pre-hensile penis thing.

Prehensile?!

Isn't it one of their arms that just happens to also have a sperm-shooter?

That Giant Squid at Kelly Tarlton's

Wait. What squid at Kelly Tarlton's? I just figured you meant the one at…

Pretentious and/or pig-ignorant hacks who don't know what... "literally" means>
My sister-in-law is doing her PhD in New York and had this discussion with some locals:
Her: "And it's so funny how you all say "literally" when it's clearly not"
Local: "I know, we literally do it all the time..."…

Every news report about giant squid absolutely has to mention the 90cm pre-hensile penis thing.

Prehensile?!

Also, that one big eye looking out of the tank through a misty solution of formaldehyde just creeps me out.

And you're talking about the squid, right?

Reporters who say "Look!" when crossed-to live

Or for that matter, crossing live to reporters at all, except when there's something actually visibly going on in the background. What is the point of crossing live to a reporter standing in front of a building, telling us what might or might…

Also signwriters/ad copy writers who don't bother using…

Naming scandals by adding -gate to the end of a related word
I long for the day when a politician is caught having sex against a farm gate, or taking bribes to relax standards relating to gated properties or soemthing, forcing the media to start writing stories about "Gategate".

I…

Anything with 101 Things/Places/Songs . . . (or worse 1001 . . .) in the title. Enough with the lists...If you want to get to the 1001 Places to See Before You Die which is on your coffee table you are hardly going to sit around reading about them.

I…

And when people complain about "gay" being a perfectly good word ruined by the Sodomites and Sapphists

...they don't know what they're talking about. "Gay" was in common usage in London in the 19th century to refer to prostitutes. There's an old cartoon in Punch from the time, showing two…

And when people complain about "gay" being a perfectly good word ruined by the Sodomites

One suspects we can forgive them because:

1. They paid a heavy price for their sins.
2. Gay as a word came about early in the last millenium (from French and Germanic sources most likely),…

I still twitch when I hear people use the phrase "begs the question" incorrectly

Me too. Young journos seem to be very fond of it, and the gutting of seniors and subs hasn't helped the trend.

Here, the point to consider is that etymology is not meaning, and that most dictionaries are on the side of the common usage in this case.

I'm not so sure in this particular case, but that's a fair general point. While Teddy Roosevelt talked about the Presidency being a "bully…

. . . 'virtually' means 'actually'.

Bloody actually.

He was given a military haircut and was told that he was a New Englander from Boston and that he was on holiday from his job with the London office of the Guaranty Trust Company. He was reminded to ask for the…

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

The Weather Ambassador

MetService did have a penchant (properly pronounced pon-shon) for odd job titles at one stage. Our librarian/webmaster was called the "Information Enthusiast" (unlike in his other life, where he was called "Natalie") and I was apparently an "Imagineer". That title was nicked from Disney, of course, but…

And before you know it, you're in your very own Samuel Beckett one-act play.

In other news, Craig is still a genius.

Here, the point to consider is that etymology is not meaning, and that most dictionaries are on the side of the common usage in this case.

Yes, it would be an insufferable pedant who would use decimate to mean kill one in ten. I wonder if the meaning changed with…

... what "decimate" ... means

Decimate's a good one. It's normally used to imply extreme attrition, which greatly annoys people who know that it comes from the Roman practice of killing 10% of mutinous sections, pour encourager les autres and all that, innit. So some people get very annoyed about…

I was just bitching and whining about this yesterday. It appears now that 'literally' means 'figuratively', and 'virtually' means 'actually'.

And before you know it, you're in your very own Samuel Beckett one-act play.

who don't know what "decimate" or "literally" means

I was just bitching and whining about this yesterday. It appears now that 'literally' means 'figuratively', and 'virtually' means 'actually'.

As far as things to do when you're dead, ol' Warren Zevon can help you out of course (but only if you're in Denver)...…

Helen Clark "literally incandescent with rage" like a trench-dwelling flatfish on crystal meth is something I'd love to see, but I won't hold my breath waiting for the blessed event. If Duncan Garner…

Pretentious and/or pig-ignorant hacks who don't know what "decimate" or "literally" means, but it sounds impressive. Helen Clark "literally incandescent with rage" like a trench-dwelling flatfish on crystal meth, but I won't hold my breath. If Duncan Garner has, I've got a piss cup with his name on it.

I…