Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: Party Time, Excellent

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  • BenWilson,

    I vote yes for nametags, but just because I tend to forget names about halfway through the second sentence of talking to someone new. Seriously.

    To be completely 100% honest, that would be the biggest thing I'd get out of it. It's hard to say if that's a good thing.

    Just deleted 700 words justifying why I forget people's names. It's not really good enough, I know that. I just don't get a lot of practice.

    I am slowly morphing into my gravatar - is this happening to anyone else?

    The reverse for me. I'm becoming nonymous.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    If we have name tags, can I be someone else?

    I thought you already were?

    Heh... it reminds me of an old Matt Welcome bit where he describes somebody on the telly talking about some terrifying ordeal they went through, ending with: "I thought it was the kind of thing that only happens to other people". To which, Matt: "You are other people. So what's your point?"

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    On the nametags issue... if you don't have an accent and a foreign, easy-to-remember name, you're not trying hard enough and I really can't help you.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Does outing oneself on telly count?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    She has clearly made a soul-selling pact with either the devil himself or god's own corsetiere.

    I'm going for the theory that Sophia Loren's body is in a snug pocket of space-time where the laws of nature no longer apply. :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I like this thread, and I'm going to try to sell another of Russell's free tickets with devastating argument and a consensual trick, hoping to catch that fan who hasn't yet owned up. I'm calling 3410s ticket mine (as the non-fan I sold), if he shows, so I can keep amateur status if/when Russell buys me an epic beer. I do not want to be accused of being in his pocket by the enemies of PA (PA is not like me, it does have enemies. I have only friends I've failed to win over on some point).

    Robots are invited to this party, right? Even enemies of PA, if they can be turned from the dark side for one evening? Or at least have an interesting dance, and a good joke, that would satisfy the very highest criterion (I apply the Emma standard. Consequently I haven't made any jokes yet, cause I'm not funny. But other people certainly are funny, I cite Craig Ranapia). Craig, are you coming (you're not the fan I'm talking about, don't worry. No one would mistake you for a robot, at least not a primitive 3rd millenium one)?

    <hypnosis warning. Only read on if you are not susceptible to hypnosis, or consent to be helped to come to this party, by being hypnotized>

    <imagine a pleasantly boring voice speaking deeply and slowly, these words. The kind of voice that you don't dislike, or particularly like either. You don't pay attention to the voice, just the words. Don't think about the words, just hear them, try to accept them>

    You're out there, and you want to come. You just don't really understand why yet. Speak to me. Speeeak. Speeeeeeeeeeek now. You want to speeeeek. Visualize yourself speaking to me, typing that post, previewing it, checking it for the 60th time, then....posting reply. It's so easy, so harmless, nothing will come of it, except peeeeace. Truuuuth. Speak. Do it now, see yourself doing it, you don't even have to take responsibility, I made you do it. You wanted to do it, but no one needs know that, unless you want them to know. And you do want them to know, you know you want them to know, you have always known it. Now is the time to speeeeeeeeeeek. You are taking control, slowly, surely, taking control of your fingers, thinking only of the positive things that happen if you post, the peace, the relief, the joy, the anticipation, the welcoming voices and smiles, the friendly faces, the beautiful faces of people that mean you only good, love what you have to say, hear you speaking, listen to your message, listen to your love for them.
    Now we'll count down from 10 to 1, and you will sink into a peaceful dreamlike state of reading, as you would a novel, perhaps before bed, perhaps to help you sleep, a pleasant novel, picturesque but not particularly interesting.
    10...Reading deeply
    9...Breathe in
    8...Breathe out slowly, reading deeper, and deeper
    7...Breathe in...slowly, no skipping ahead. Time your breaths with your reading
    6...Out, and read deeper
    5...In, slowly and easily, a natural breath of relaxing, refreshing air
    4...Out, and relax, deeply
    3...Breathe in, naturally
    2...And out...let it just fall out of you
    1...In, very naturally
    0...Out, and forget about your breathing, it will take over itself now

    You are reading very deeply now, and will do as you wish to. What you really wish to, to come to this party. Remember that you consented to be hypnotized, because you already wanted to come. Nothing can stop you now, other than failing to speak up, and requesting entry. You don't want to do this. You want to come, because something about what you are hearing now works for you.

    Now we are going to count up to 3, rising back to a shallower, more critical mental process, your daily process, the way you like to think, the way you want to think, and talk, but just haven't yet, until we reach 3.
    1...Critical thought is coming back
    2...Allow doubt to enter your mind
    3...You are fully back from deep reading, to a rested wakefulness. You understand what just happened, that you were in control of it the whole time, that you were doing what you wanted to do, to speak up, to come to the party.

    </imagining my voice. Come and hear the real thing, it's much more effective>
    </hypnosis>

    Now I wait. The Bentalist, at work, confident his ticket is sold, or not sold and was never going to be sold. Tapes of this can be made available upon request, to anyone who is considering going to a party, but is afraid to. Just ask. Free.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    (However, I am slowly morphing into my gravatar - is this happening to anyone else?)

    Rare is the day I log into PAS and don't have at least one :D moment of recognising awesomeness.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    imagine a pleasantly boring voice speaking deeply and slowly

    yeeeeessssss master

    ...

    Why is there a chicken in my lounge?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4460 posts Report Reply

  • GemmaG,

    Oh crap. Can someone monitor my intake of Epic Pale Ale prior to speaking please? That stuff is my kryptonite.

    Did I say "conscious party"? I think that's because it was the year that the booze ran out... This year, may it be flowing like water...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 45 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Why is there a chicken in my lounge?

    Is it there so you can keep your rage up by killing it? Don't forget to watch the flag, and whisper sweet nothings to your healer.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Craig, are you coming

    You couldn't keep me away from Emma and David's book launch, but sadly will have to miss the Great Blend due to a prior commitment: Better Half's going away drinkies to mark the end of his 46 years at KiwiRail in all it's many guises. I can't plausibly weasel out of that one without looking like a more than usually miserable cock stain.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Why is there a chicken in my lounge?

    It's hiding from dubmugga's dog.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Don't worry Craig, I'll secretly report all the insults that are shamelessly plagiarized from you. No pretender is gonna steal your lines without paying royally. I still hesitate to emulate. Another date.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    It should use fowl language to put it's case to dub.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    a more than usually miserable cock stain

    Ranapia adds to his exceptional tally of googlewhacks.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    exceptional tally of googlewhacks

    Well what do you know..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    fowl language

    It's Daphne Moran I'm worried for, given his recent fondness for scissors.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    a more than usually miserable cock stain

    Ewww ...yum... ewww... yum... breathing in... then out... then in...then out... I'm lost in the matrix ... no I'm not... yes I am...no I'm not ...yes I am...where am I ?
    I don't need a tag.I don't need anyone to remember me but you are most welcome to call me whatever you want, so I'm the one with dreads.Ok sorted init. :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Oh yeah I had Emmas tag on at the Quadrant.

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    lost in the matrix ... no I'm not... yes I am...no I'm not ...yes I am...where am I?

    You've been reading too much BenWilson. :)

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19740 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Who??? ;)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    I'm curious if the Quadrant felt safe with Emma's tag on? I never feel safe as a meat shield, my armor is far too weak.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Who??? ;)

    Take your pick. Google knows better than me, the literature says.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Google knows better than me, .

    Who?

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Who?

    My son asked me the same question, for the first time today. Exactly the same question. Looks like Russ gets his debate on synchronicity, and I get to start answering the hard questions to a child. I feel under qualified, tempted to cheap out with an easy answer. It seems that it's been a very bad idea talking like an adult to a child. Well this adult anyway.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10657 posts Report Reply

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