Public Address | Cafe | Hard News: Karen, and being kind

Bart Janssen

Mon, 06 Jan 2014 16:24:40 +1300

Lovely words Russell and you have my sympathy for your loss.

My brother died when I was 25, after 6 months of brain cancer. I think I was still too young to properly feel the loss and certainly way too young to be able to put words as good as…

llew40

Fri, 27 Dec 2013 13:25:01 +1300

Kia kaha to you and your mum Russell – we lost our sister Sue to the same disease nearly 6 years ago now. Mum will never really recover from it, but we do learn to live with the grief and we do always get little reminders of the myriad of…

Jackie Clark

Thu, 26 Dec 2013 18:25:06 +1300

I am so sorry that this is happening, Geoff. Being old is no fun for the elderly, and dying is no fun for the living. I was just saying to a young friend who is on death watch that it's one of most pure expressions of love, holding vigil. May…

Hebe

Thu, 26 Dec 2013 17:02:29 +1300

My Great-Aunt's last food was Christmas pud and custard: her favourite food.

My sympathies Geoff to you and your family.

Geoff Lealand

Thu, 26 Dec 2013 14:31:25 +1300

What a wonderful story about your brother-in-law, Russell.

Peter, Josephine's father, stirred a little on Christmas Day and scoffed down smoked salmon, after not eating for days. Must have sparked memories of Christmas' past in the old fellow.

Hebe

Thu, 26 Dec 2013 13:57:57 +1300

Russell, thank you for this moving post. You have found words of succour and insight.

And thank you for sparking and being the centre of a community where such a post is respected and honoured.

George Darroch

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 18:04:53 +1300

Having not ever lost someone properly close to me, I can only imagine what it is to experience.

Sending love your way, Russell, Geoff, Emma, and all who are feeling the loss of a loved one.

Lilith __

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 14:00:03 +1300

‘Merry Christmas’ seems a bit forced

So sorry, Geoff. x

Russell Brown

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 10:47:44 +1300

Oh Geoff, that sounds terrible, but being with your daughter seems the right thing. My deepest sympathy.

Geoff Lealand

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 09:37:06 +1300

Thank you, Russell.
This is strangely detached Christmas as we are in Nelson on a deathbed watch. Josephine's father is in steep decline, stricken with cancer, after living a life as a rugged forester. It may be today or tomorrow or next week but I am returning home today as…

Phil Wallington

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 07:33:33 +1300

That is a lovely and loving tribute to your sister. I lost my "big" brother 10 years ago on Boxing Day... I miss him every day but good memories abound and the great sadness I believe is how he has missed seeing his four daughters grow into strong, confident and…

Jackie Clark

Wed, 25 Dec 2013 07:14:24 +1300

People find it extraordinarily hard to talk about loss. I think what they are thanking you for is that your expression of your grief and loss reflects how they feel about their own losses, and give them words for what they're feeling.

Simon Bennett

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 23:32:34 +1300

Thank you for sharing Russell. I'm thinking of your family and your loss this Christmas. My sister died 23 years ago (she was 23). She will always be with us in her absence.

Russell Brown

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 22:40:11 +1300

I want to join the others thanking you for sharing this story Russell

You're about the millionth person who's thanked me on one forum or another today, and it's a response I genuinely didn't expect. So thank you, too.

Greville Whittle

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 22:37:46 +1300

it's not that it gets easier it just gets different

This is true for me as well, you never get back to normal as it were, you just find a new normal. It is our second Christmas without Mum and we are relearning what works for us all.

I want…

Sue

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 20:39:56 +1300

Much love russell

For me it's not that it gets easier it just gets different
For us we totally Changed christmas and spend it at Te Papa or going to the movies

Nick Kearney

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 20:34:29 +1300

A poignant tribute, Russell. Nice words, at the appropriate time.

David MacGregor

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 18:06:43 +1300

Thank you Russell.
Love and loss seem to go together.
Like bitter and sweet.

Russell Brown

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 18:05:05 +1300

Russell, your sister was obviously Quite Something, and she looks like one of those somethings was “a bunch of fun”. We are lucky to have had such people in our lives, for however long.

Example: Greg’s surname is also Brown. When they married, she went around insisting that she was…

David MacGregor

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 17:55:09 +1300

Thank you Russell.
Love and loss seem to go together.
Like bitter and sweet.

Ross McA.

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 17:27:03 +1300

Thanks Russell and sorry to hear that. I know from personal experience that it's not easy. I lost my younger sister a few years ago to lung cancer (she never smoked). You have a gift for writing and when I read your story it bought tears to my eyes.

Raymond A Francis

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 16:49:23 +1300

It's not easy for most N Z men to share these sort of feelings, so once again thank you for some nice writing, unlike some/most bloggers you are a journalist and it shows

Lilith __

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 15:30:55 +1300

Russell, thank you for sharing this with us. Karen sounds amazing. And she would be, if she's anything like you. So sorry for your loss. Love and big hugs.

nzlemming

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 15:25:20 +1300

Thank you, Russell. The first few Xmases after Dad died were hard, and there's still a gap in proceedings, but it's got easier to bear.

Emma Hart

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 15:06:22 +1300

They say the first is the hardest, but I think they’ll all be difficult.

I'm up to number three now, and talking to my boss/friend today, who is going through her first without her Dad.

My experience is that the first is worst, by miles. They get easier, but the…

Kumara Republic

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:51:12 +1300

Condolences. My eldest sister succumbed to a brain haemorrhage a little over 6 years ago now. The blow was softened by the fact that we knew it would happen eventually.

Russell Brown

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:49:21 +1300

Amberleigh, the funny thing is that this year I encouraged you to do something I hadn't yet been able to do myself. And then Mum turned up yesterday with that photograph and I knew it was time. I'll be thinking of you and your mum tomorrow too. x

Amberleigh Jack

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:42:10 +1300

Russell, thank you for sharing. Difficult to do, I'm sure, but a wonderful tribute. I'll raise a glass for you and your family and think of you tomorrow. They say the first is the hardest, but I think they'll all be difficult. Made only slightly less so by that final…

Tony Siu

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:38:15 +1300

I lost a friend this year as well as starting a new job – I had a rough year. Hugs* to all.

John Holley

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:23:16 +1300

Thanks Russell for sharing with us – over the years we have, become, I think, a bit of an extended whanau, because of you honesty and openess. – and this exemplifies why you have our support and loyalty.

Kia Kaha

wendyf

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:22:32 +1300

Thank you for sharing, Russell, and so warmly. And thank you to all who share here. I don't often post, but believe me – this place has done, and still does, much to remind me that there are Good People out there.

TheotherSimonYoung

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:19:49 +1300

Thank you Russell. A timely reminder to be kind. Hope it is a special holiday for you and your family.

Rebecca Williams

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 13:35:02 +1300

Thank you for sharing that Russell and my heartfelt sympathies for the loss of your lovely sister. Today I'm remembering my little boy Jude who died before he was born on Christmas Eve.

It's definitely a mark if the integrity and respect inherent in this community that I post here…

Nora Leggs

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 13:07:42 +1300

For you Russell. And for everyone whose Christmas time is coloured by pain, loss, grief and heartache. It's not always the easiest time.

Mike O'Connell

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:47:43 +1300

Lovely, heartfelt story Russell. What a lovely sister you have.

Jason Kemp

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:23:06 +1300

Thanks for sharing Russell – families are so important.

John Morrison

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:17:39 +1300

Great article and sister Russell. I can imagine how hard it will be without her when you celebrate Christmas with your mum for the first time.
As far as I'm concerned 2013 has been a real b**ch of a year, too many deaths of close friends and most dearest, my…

Isabel Hitchings

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:17:13 +1300

Arohanui to you and your family, Russell.

James Robb

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:04:40 +1300

Thanks for sharing this, Russell.

JacksonP

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:00:41 +1300

Thanks Russell. This is a time for remembering the empty spaces at the table. We have a few of our own, as I'm sure many here do.

I'm so pleased to be part of the goodness that is Public Address, and contribute my little bit.

Jackie, what you started is…

Robyn Gallagher

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:54:27 +1300

What a spunky lady! Thank you for sharing this with us, and big Christmas love to you all.

Jackie Clark

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:51:15 +1300

Oh darling heart. When I see you soon, you know there will be vast hugs and much love from me to you. In the meantime, enjoy your mum, and remember Karen with love (and tears are good too. "Tears are love" I would tell Carol).

BenWilson

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:50:49 +1300

I was sorry to hear about Karen, and glad that time has helped you get some words down. Thanks for sharing this, and Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Robert Fox

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:46:46 +1300

Sorry to hear about your loss Russell. A very touching to tribute to your sister who sounds like she was a lovely, warm person who will obviously be hugely missed. Best of wishes for the festive period.

Sacha

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:29:05 +1300

Thank you.

Public Address

Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:29:05 +1300

Discussion from blog post.